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             CRUSADERS PRESENT BASS-O-MATIC


         Press arrowkeys up/down to scroll text


            Press HELP for Menu and Controls

--------------------------------------------------------

Hoe  Hoe  Hoe...   what  have we got in the bag for YOU?
YES,  it's  another one of those swinging-and-a-swaying-
and-a-hoppin-and-a-boppin  music  disks from the ever so
adorable

                   C R U S A D E R S

          This one is curiously enough titled:

               =========================
                B A S S - O - M A T I C
               =========================

                          \\\
                     >>---(oo)--->
                          /C \
                         /___/\
                         \ U  /
                          >__<
                        ~~ \/ ~~

And  as  ever, we follow the tradition and give you some
kickass beats from Dr.Awesome and Fleshbrain, some light
entertainment,  this time in the shape of El Cubo's cute
Bass-Invaders  game,  some  strips  with  our  favourite
cartoon character (keypad 4 and 6 to change strip!), and
a  text output instead of a scroller, so you can read at
your  own  speed  and  so you can actually read for more
than  30 seconds without getting seasick or turning into
a  drooling  vegetable.   Hi  to Prologic, who also used
this kind of text output on their music disk #1.


  ***************************************************

       Bass-o-matic contains the following songs:

  F1) BOP TILL YOU FLOP - DR.AWESOME - 06:33 - DISK 1
  F2) OBSCURE SEASON    - FLESHBRAIN - 05:13 - DISK 1
  F3) SIDEWALK STRUT    - DR.AWESOME - 03:04 - DISK 1
  F4) JAMBUG            - FLESHBRAIN - 05:27 - DISK 2
  F5) BUD PECULIAR      - DR.AWESOME - 06:39 - DISK 2
  F6) GHAZA             - DR.AWESOME - 02:49 - DISK 2
  F7) GROUND ZERO       - FLESHBRAIN - 05:24 - DISK 1
  F8) FIRE ON HIGH      - DR.AWESOME - 06:20 - DISK 2
  F9) BASS KETBALL      - DR.LONESOME- 02:11 - DISK 2
  F0) CHROM ATOM        - FLUSHDRAIN - 06:26 - DISK 1
   1) BINARY NIGHT      - FLESHBRAIN - 08:55 - DISK 2
   2) GAZER             - FLESHBRAIN - 05:22 - DISK 2

  ***************************************************


              Ok, let's hear the credits:

Design/Concept....................Switchblade/Dr.Awesome
Music..............................Fleshbrain/Dr.Awesome
Main Code....................................Switchblade
Bass Invaders and loader code....................El Cubo
Bass-o-graphics (intro)..........................Bustman
Additional main sreen gfx....................Switchblade
Scanned graphics (Calvin)............................Zeb
This text.....................................Dr.Awesome
ASCII drawings - special guest star......Wiseguy/Triumph

Boy were a lot of guys involved this time!  Gone are the
good  old  days  when a couple of guys sat right down in
front of the Amiga and didn't get out of the chair until
the  product was finished!  Nevertheless - the more, the
merrier!!   (Which  reminds  me, that's the same thing a
girl said to me once, but that's a different story, wink
wink ;-) )
      __
     /__\
    |(oo)|  Arf... tune me in to that groOOOOve...
     /C \
    /___/\
    \ U  /
     >__<
      \/

After   the   credits,  there's  usually  some  personal
greetings  and stuff.  I know that you see, because this
isn't my first scrolltext.  It's not my second either in
fact.   So  here's  your  BIG  chance  to have your name
mentioned  in  this  text,  as we're about to generously
send  away  personal  greetings  to  every corner of the
world   (except   maybe   Mozambique,  known  for  their
tremendous modem scene (Hi Razor and CRB)).  :-)

--------------------------------------------------------
             DR.AWESOME WANTS TO SAY HI TO:
--------------------------------------------------------

                 Martyn "Spadge" Brown
    Yes you got to be first, aren't you lucky?  :*)

      Tobias Richter - you're the best in the biz.

Vad  (Vadder Vaddest), Andy & the third guy who's name I
can't  remember,  but  he's  the one with the pen up his
                         nose.

               Steve "Havok the Hammock"

The  Motion mob (Bud, Outrage, Devil, Basse, Mastermind,
            Lace and the rest of those dooz)

          Next, to my following good friends:

Andre Schelker       Tony  Fonanger      Grant Ovenden
Big Al / Ecstacy     Sakari Hannula      Ezy / Ecstacy
Allister Brimble     Andrew Barnabas     Ann & Stefan
Andreas Korzinsky    Kim Pedersen        Ron Fonteine
TSR/Powers of Pain

All members  of  Crusaders,  especially  our  new freaky
deaks, Scumbag and Silencer.

Amiga  Freelancers  (Anders,  Lars,  Rune,  and "I-cant-
remember-his-name"  The Moose) with great big thanks for
ProTracker,  and  good  luck  with your first commercial
project.

               The SysOps of these BBS's:

      Zirkonium - Mediafoto - Golden Power - Styx

         Some greets to my favourite musicians:

          Maestro/Flash Prod  -  Tip/Phenomena
  Jesper Kyd/Silents - Uncle  Tom  - Firefox/Phenomena
            and of course -- > Sir Fleshbrain

            And finally, a very big,      \\\
            long, and suspiciously cosy   (oO)
            hug to Patsy/Brainstorm.      /C \
            (What are you doing this     /__/\\
            weekend, sugarlump?)         \\__//
                                          >_U<
(By the way, I heard you had been       ~~ \/ ~~
Alex an eye.. way to go Alex!)  :-)

-------------------------------------------------------
               BUSTMAN WANTS TO SAY HI TO:
-------------------------------------------------------
                  ...his good friends:

Flemming Vestergaard  Robert Ling        Per Carlsson
Alan Rogers           Frode Fredriksen

-------------------------------------------------------
              SILENCER WANTS TO SAY HI TO:
-------------------------------------------------------

Everyone  who calls my board!  Thanks for making it such
                a cool place to hang out!

                 All members of the ASC!

  All  Crusaders,  especially the ones who own modems!
                        Hi guys!

Storm/Divina - Nice chats dude!                .
SCSI/Betrayal - Told ya!                     .: .
Hermann Rorschach - Cool Tunes!             (\/\/)
Necromancer/KrionyX - VMB dude?!        >>---(oO)--->
Presto - What a bunch of uploads!            /C \
Juxta - Hi there, get a car!  :-)           /___/\
Lord Jagged - Got some codes man?!    Hickup\  U /
Venom - Good luck with yer board!            >__<  C|~|
                                            / \/ \//| |
All the cool 415 SysOps...                 //  T|\/ ===
Andeveron, Prokem, Warehouser             //____|
and Master Blaster...                    <// _  \
                                          / / \  )
And everyone I forgot in my rush to     _<_/  /_/
write the greets...                    (__)  (___)

-------------------------------------------------------
              EL CUBO WANTS TO SAY HI TO:
-------------------------------------------------------
Blair Haynes       Sten Bech      Tor-Egil Braseth
Shockwave / Cytax
Thanks to Arthur Hagen for help with Mem routines!
Thanks to Vegard Skjefstad for help with Borghild!
-------------------------------------------------------

Ok,  Dr.Awesome's back - I thought I'd write a few words
about  how the music on this disk was created.  I always
get  heaps  of  letters  asking  "How  do  you make your
music?",  from  starters  and other people who aren't so
well  into  all this music stuff, and I wouldn't want to
leave  them  in  the  hands  of  the  many english Amiga
magazines,  because  (excuse me but frankly), they don't
know  what  they're  talking  about.  (Oh dear, now I've
done it).  :-)

All  the  music on this disk was created with ProTracker
1.1B.   ProTracker  is  in my opinion the only way to go
these  days,  as  it  stands without much competition in
it's  field  of work.  Sure, you have the programs which
support  synthesized sounds, but for one I've never been
too  keen on the synthesized stuff, I recommend using it
only  if you need to save precious memory.  And then you
have  MED,  which is the best if you need a tracker with
MIDI  support,  but  for  Amiga-
only music it just can't compete |        \\\
with the ProTracker, it has only |   >>---(oo)--->
half of the effect-commands, and |        /C \
it  falls  behind  on  speed and |       /    \
comfort, something which is very |       \ -  /
important to a musician - you're |        >__<
supposed  to spend your time and |         \/
concentration  on the music, not |
on  looking  through  a  hundred  ----------------------
menus.    For  MIDI  and/or  synthesized  sounds I  will
recommend  MED  3.00,  but  for samples only, Protracker
offers  the  most  powerful effect commands and fast and
easy editing.

Most  the  sound digitizing is also done in ProTracker's
own   sampler-screen.   It  offers  basically  the  same
functions  and sample-handling options as Audiomaster 2,
but where Audiomaster uses 2-10 seconds on an operation,
ProTracker  does  it instantly.  In addition, ProTracker
has  the  "Boost" and "Filter" functions, and now that I
have  them,  I  can't  see how I could ever live without
them.   A  couple of "boosts" can do wonders with a dull
snare or hihat.

The  hardware  I use is an Alcotini |        \\\
stereo sound sampler.  I chose this |       [GURU]
sampler  because it has a different |        /C \
and better kind of A/D (analogue to |       /___ \
digital)  converter than most other |   ??? \ U \/
digitizers.   One  drawback is that |        >__<
it  needs  to  be plugged into both |      ~~ \/ ~~
the  parallel and the serial ports,
but this is because the mentioned A/D converter needs 12
volts   instead   of   just  5  volts  like  most  other
digitizers.  And the 12 volts can be found on the serial
port  only.  As mentioned, it is a stereo digitizer, but
I  always  use  it  in mono mode. When making music, you
have  no  need  for stereo samples - if there had been a
mono  model of the Alcotini, it would probably have been
cheaper, and I would have bought that.

The  samples (sounds) come from here and there - most of
them  have been digitized from different synthesizers, a
few  from  various  CD's, and a few are sampled by other
musicians,  and  I  have  ruthlessly ripped them..  Just
like  a  lot of you are going to do with the ones I have
sampled.

Which brings me to think - what on earth makes musicians
do  such  a thing as to rip off ALL the samples from ONE
song,  and  just  rearranging  the song with exactly the
same  samples??  It sort of pizzes me off when people do
this  to my songs - sure, ripping an instrument here and
an  instrument there is perfectly ok, I don't mind that,
but  when  you take ALL the samples from one of my songs
and just write some new patters, that makes me sort of..
pizzed.   The  latest  couple of examples on this are my
songs  "Space Deliria" and "Tranze Seven", so many times
ripped to pieces, that the samples from these songs have
now  been  used more than the original ST-01 samples!  I
think  I  know  the  procedure..   load  my  module into
ProTracker,  select  "Clear Patterns", and start writing
some  new  patters  without  so  much  as  touching  the
instrument  setup..  Oh and maybe the drums-track, which
some  people don't even bother changing at all!  I think
the  first  one  to  do  this  with  "Space Deliria" was
Dr.Feelgood  of  Cave,  and after that it's been done by
many  many others.  As for "Tranze Seven" it's been even
worse, I think only here in Norway, there's been made at
least 10 songs using the exact same instrument setup and
rhythm  pattern.  Ok, a couple of the samples in "Tranze
Seven"  were  ripped  by me in the first place, but most 
of them weren't,  and  none of  them from the same song.
Hmm  I hope the next version of ProTracker comes without
                    the  "Clear  Patterns"  option.   At
       \\\        | least   it  would  mean  that  these
       (oo)       | leeches  would have to do a bit more
       /C \       | work...   Don't misunderstand me - I
      /    \      | don't  mean to slag off everyone who
      \ -  /      | rips  some  instruments, but I don't
       >__<       | want any more of this "Let's rip ALL
     ~~ \/ ~~     | the  instruments  from that song and
                  | rearrange the patterns" business.

Ok,  after  that  little  moaning and groaning, we go on
with  a bit more about each of the songs..  I can really
only  tell you about my own songs, because I don't watch
over Fleshbrain's shoulder when he's at it.

The tune "BOP TILL YOU FLOP" was made in a hurry... It's
been  a  long time since I last completed a song in less
than  24  hours, but this was the case with this one.  I
guess it was because when I started on it, I hadn't made
anything  at  all  in about 2-3 weeks, so it just poured
out.  Bop Till You Flop is the one and only song on this
disk  where  ALL  the  samples were custom made for this
song  only.  All instruments were digitized while I made
the  song.   The  drums  were  sampled  from the CD "Big
Generator" by Yes.  The speech samples are of course Dan
Aykroyd  in  his  "Super  Bass-o-matic '76" sketch.  The
bass  was  sampled  from my newest PCM sound card on the
Roland U110, and all the rest of the sounds were created
on  a  Korg  DW8000  synthesizer  and  then sampled from
there.

"SIDEWALK  STRUT"  is a strange piece - I       _  _
have  to  admit  that  this  song  is not       }\/{
completely my own composition, some parts  >>---(oo)--->
of  it  are very much like a song done by       /C \
Chick Corea and his "Electric Band".  The      /___/\
weird  synth  samples in the start of the      \V V /
song  are  also from this song.  All this       >__<
is   mixed  with  about  50%  of  my  own     ~~ \/ ~~
material.

"BASS KETBALL"..   well  what is there to say about this
one..?  Hmmm it's really just a joke - somehow we had to
fill  up  the  two  disks,  right?   I did this one in a
couple of hours.

"GHAZA"  -  getting moody here... This was thought of as
some sort of movie-like atmostpheric and romantic piece.
The samples are from a Kawai K4 and (as ever) the Roland
U110.

    \\\         "BUD  PECULIAR" is on that more or  less
     \\\        follows  the  style  of  "Bop  Till  You
      \\\,      Flop",  although  Bud  Peculiar was made
       ##-      first  (so  I  guess  it's the other way
 Dig! /C \      around,  really...).  What kind of music
     /___/\     is  this  anyway?   Hmm  to be honest, I
     \  U /     don't  know..   you  tell me!  If anyone
      >__<      finds  out  what  kind of music this is,
       \/       please do contact me and let me know!  I
                used  quite  a  lot of time on this one,
polishing  the  details  for a couple of weeks.  Most of
the  samples are from the Roland D-50.  The flickbass is
from the Roland U-110, and the filtered bass is from the
Korg  DW8000.  I got the snare from Kim Pedersen, thanks
dude, what a powerful snare it is too!

"FIRE  ON HIGH" - Not much to say about this one really.
There's  an  acoustic 12-string guitar in there which is
quite  new in ProTracker music, at least I haven't heard
it  before.   My  favourite part is the "bridge" about 4
minutes into the song.  Most of the samples are from the
Roland U110.

                         - - -

Guess what - it's time again for some general smalltalk!
The  thing is, I've got all the time in the world to sit
here and write, but I haven't got the slightest thing to
write about.  Guess I'll just pladder on for a while.

I  overslept  pretty  badly this morning, you see, so  I
have  to  be  at  work till late, and what better way to
spend  a  working day than writing silly and meaningless
scrolltexts?   All due credit must go to Share and Enjoy
here, the fella(s) who wrote the scrolltext for "Amazing
Tunes  2"  Or  was  it  3?...  Anyway, superb scrolltext
guys.   I'm  looking forward to some more of them.  Good
job  also from the musician who made the very first tune
on  this  3-disk music disk, I think the tune was called
"Swift"  or  something  like that...
Anyways,  this song was no less than        ///
bloody  brilliant  - when will there  >>---(oo)--->
be  some  more???   I also liked the       /C'\
Spectrum  font  -  it brought back a      / '  \
lot of good memories, shit it almost      \  o / Sniff
had  me weeping all over my keyboard       >__<
and getting myself electricuted!         ~~ \/ ~~

So  what do y'all think of our cute little Bass Invaders
game,  eh?   Not  to  brag  of  course, but I think it's
utterly  fab  myself.   :-) Naturally, we had to call it
"Bass  Invaders"  in  order to avoid lawsuit by the guys
behind  Space  Invaders (TM) - although they're probably
all  dead  and  forgotten by now - that game is ancient!
Who remembers that really old version, where the colours
were  just  strips  of tape placed on the glass over the
monitor?   Hehe, those were the days!  Of course, if you
want  to,  you  can make your own colour-version of Bass
Invaders  too  -  just  go and ask mom for some coloured
tape  or  even  cellofan  paper.   Or  use the red/green
glasses  you bought at the Lillestrom-party to watch CRB
and  Exit's  3D demos, cut them up (the glasses, not CRB
and  Exit)  and  get  a friend to hold the red and green
pieces  in  front of the monitor while you play.

For those of you who are wondering what the hell :-) and
:-( and stuff like that are suddenly doing in the middle
of  a  sentence,  well  I'm  not going to tell you.  Try
buying  a  hint-book from Whats-their-name-Larry-Company
and  look  for it there, or call up any good BBS and get
the  answer  there.

I  hate to say this but I am in fact typing this on a PC
:-(  because  that's  all  I have access to here.  To be
more  precise,  it's  an  AST Premium 386SX/16.  If that
doesn't  tell  you all that much, then you're one of the
lucky  guys, because it means that you never had to deal
with it.  Of course, I could borrow an Intergraph 3D CAD
workstation, but being developed for designing oil rigs,
I   don't  think  it's  very  suitable  for  scrolltext-
writing..    Strange...   this  company  has  all  these
superfancy  computers, but I've yet to see a single demo
or  music  disk released.  I'm sure they could sell some
copies  and  make  a nice little income, like all the PD
distributors  do.   I  think I'll go to my boss tomorrow
and  suggest  that  we  start  a demo-writing department
here.   I  wonder  what  he'll  have  to say about it...
probably  "uhum.."  or "You're fired for smoking weed at
work".  Well it's worth a try, innit?

I'd  like to remind all Norwegian |
freaks  (and  the others too, for |        \\\
that matter) that this summer you |   >>---(oo)--->
will  have  the chance to see the |        /C \
Crusaders    live   in   concert, |       /    \
playing some kick-ass rock'n'roll |       \ .  /
at   our   annual   out-door  gig |        >__<
somewhere near Oslo, Norway.  The |      ~~ \/ ~~
band   is   called  "Random"  and |
consists  mostly of Crusaders, or |
to be more exact:                  ---------------------

              Dr.Outtasight - Lead vocals
           El Cubo - Guitar & additional vox.
            Dr.Awesome - Drums / Percussion
                Dr.Shitface - Keyboards
                Sten Beck - Bass Guitar

As  you  can  see,  a  hilarious  band setup, this is an
obvious  disaster  (Hi  Phenomena),  but nevertheless it
will  be  great  fun  as  usual.  Everyone is welcome of
course,  and what's so great about it is that it doesn't
cost  anything  -  all  you  have to do is bring yer own
beer.   So  don't  miss  this  event folks, it will take
place  sometime  in June or July.  For more information,
read  our future scrollers, or follow the development in
the EuroNews!

Gee, I wonder if there are more Simpsons fans out there,
or  am  I  the  only  one?!?   The  Simpsons are just so
adorable, I think I'll vote Homer Simpson for President!
And Marge for Secretary of State or something..  Another
favourite show of mine is Saturday Night Live, but these
days we can't get it anywhere..  :-( All the stations we
take  down  are  European,  I'm  afraid  - I don't think
Saturday  Night  Live  is  on  the  European MTV anymore
either!   Baah..  Don't you all just love those old-time
classics  with Dan Aykroyd, Chevy Chase, Bill Murray and
John  Belushi?  Well I certainly do - not to mention the
Church Lady of course.  Who saw the one where the Church
Lady  played drums and Danny DeVito sang "Santa's coming
tonight" ?!?  Was that fucking great or what????  Not to
mention  "The  Bastard  Batallion"...  or Dan Aykroyd in
the  "Dragnet"  parody  when  he goes "The story you are
about  to  witness,  is  true - only the facts have been
changed.."

     And now for something completely different...

Somebody  told  me  I should include "The History of The
Crusaders" in this scroller..  ok here goes:

            We  formed  Crusaders  in  1988.
            Then  different stuff happened.
         And now we're here, with Bass-o-matic.

Right,  that's  as  far as I will go with the history of
Crusaders, as I find it utterly boring, and I'm sure you
all  would  too..  Tell me honestly, when you're looking
through  a  diskmag,  how many of you read articles that
start  with "This is the history of our cool group!".  I
should  think somewhere between 0.02 and 0.05 percent of
you...   That's  why  you  should read the EuroNews, cos
that's  the mag where you will find only the interesting
parts, and without all the boring stuff in between!

Does  anybody know when the E.C.E.S.  show is this year?
We  gotta  go  this year too, the show itself was shitty
last  year  but we had a great time nevertheless, thanks
to  some  friendly  fellas  from Ecstacy, Pizza Hut, the
sandwich  cafe  down  the  road  and of course the 32 oz
steaks  we  had up in Yorkshire.
Somebody told me there will be a |         \||/
conference held in London at the |    >>---(oo)--->
same  time  the ECES (by the way |         /C \
is  it ECES or CES ???) is going |        / __/\
on.  If whoever's arranging that |  He he \ U  /
conference  is  reading this (of |      ___>__<____
course,  I  know who that is but |      |   \/    |
I'm  not  allowed  to  tell you, |      |   /\  . |
see?),  make  sure you set it up |      |  /\ \ | |
for  the  public days - that way |      | /\ \ \|/
we  can  have  the trade days at |      | \ \ \/
the  show  and  then "retire" to |      | _\ \/
your  guys'  conference  on  the |      |/  \/
public  days, when the show will |      |
be  nothing  but  a  pit full of |
10-year-olds  screaming  for the | .: the szoot suit :.
latest games anyway.             |----------------------

We  were  there for about 15 minutes on the first of the
public days last year and it was absolutely *terrible*!

  Well, now I think it's time for a commercial break!

========================================================
                   A D V E R T I S E
             I N   T H E   E U R O N E W S
========================================================
From  now  on, it costs hard cold hard cash to advertise
in  the  EuroChart/EuroNews - but don't despair, because
it's  really cheap!  An ad can be 38 characters wide, 22
lines tall, and here's what it costs:
========================================================

                                  1 ad     3 ads
                                  ----     -----
        Norwegian Kroner...........20........50
        Swedish Kroner.............20........50
        Danish Kroner..............20........50
        Finnish Marks..............15........40
        German Marks................5........12
        UK Pounds...................2.........5
        US Dollars..................4........10

========================================================
          See? That's not all that bad, is it?
========================================================

            Send the ad(s) and the cash to:

                       EuroChart
                       P.O.Box 45
                    1474 Nordbyhagen
                        NORWAY

========================================================

For  those  of  you who are waiting for the results from
the  Crusaders  EuroChart  Hot  Sister  Competition, the
reaction  to  our competition has been very good indeed,
so  we  will  release  a  separate  special issue of The
Gallery  -  a  special  Hot  Sister  issue.  Boy have we
got  some great pictures to print - wait for it guys!  I
never  knew  so  many  freaks  out there had so gorgeous
sisters,  I  myself have fallen in love at least 5 times
since  we  launched  the  competition, and now I want to
know  if  it  is possible for any of you guys with those
wonderful  sisters  to set up a couple of dates for me..
hehe.   Ah  there was one from France who was absolutely
irresistable   -   I'm  coming
over!!   Anyway,  we are still |       ///
collecting  new pictures every |      (oo)\
day,  so  maybe  we  will wait |      /c \\\
for a while and  then  release |     /___/\\\
the Hot Sister Special on 1 or |     \ U  /
2 disks. I don't  know exactly |      >__<
when it will be released,  but |       \/
it will probably be some  time |   HotSister-91
in  May  or June. It's not too |
late to send pictures, guys!

So  here I am, still at work..  shit, I wish I could get
my  act  together  and learn to get my sleepy ass out of
bed  in  the  morning!   If  I had got up early today, I
could  have  been at home by now.  Oh well, I guess it's
not  really  that  bad.   Some music helps on the mood -
right now I'm listening to "Losing it" by Rush, and it's
bloody  good!   It  goes:   "Some  are  born to rule the
world,  to live their fantasies.." Well I don't know who
that  might  be,  but it sure as hell isn't me - with me
ruling  the  world,  it would be a fine mess..  First of
all I would have free synths for everyone - then I would
have  80%  girls in the world, so every guy could have a
few  of  them  :-)  Naah  stop  it Doc, before the local
sexism  fighting  red-sock  meeting-women  come  and get
you..   Hmm  isn't  it strange that the girls are always
complaining that they're so discriminated etc.  and they
want to be treated like guys in every possible way - but
when  it  comes to things that guys have to do, and they
don't,  that's  where  their  quest  for equality stops!
Like  military  service  for  instance.   Also, isn't it
strange  that  if  somebody  should  make  a magazine or
something  especially  for  men,  then  it's  sexism and
                     discrimination  and  oppression  of
      \\\          | women and all that - but if someone
      (oO)         | makes a magazine for women,  nobody
      /C \         | ever  complains.   Here in Norway a
     /~~\ \        | few  months  ago,  there  was a big
     \    /        | company holding what was known as a
      >__<         | "Gentlemen's dinner", a traditional
       \/          | party they have been holding  since
                     a hundred years ago -well this year
of  course  the  women  had  to start screaming.  "IIIK!
They're  holding  a  dinner  and  we can't come!  Sexist
pigs!!!".   That's  just the sort of thing that makes me
wonder,  you  know..   I'm  convinced  that  if it was a
"Ladies'  dinner" nobody would have said a word, because
they  would only say that "Oh us women are so undermined
today  that  we  have to get together and talk about it.
And  don't  try  to  stop us, sexist pigs!".  I guess no
matter  what  we  do we'll always be sexist pigs, guys..
So  when  it all adds up, when you think about it, it is
really  the  men  who  are  oppressed  and discriminated
today!   By  the  way,  what  an utterly stupid thing to
talk  about in a scrolltext!  Let's talk about something
nice instead.

Like   for   instance   the  latest          \\\
Phenomena  demo  "Enigma".  When it     OO   (  )
comes  to  demo-creating,  you just          /C \  WOW!
gotta hand it to those guys..  That         /___/\
rotating   cube   with  the  filled         \ U  /
vectors,  the  hidden  line vectors          >__<
and  the  starfield  almost  had my           \/
eyes popping out of my skull..  ----->

What's happening to the demo scene today I think is very
positive  -  demos  have got to have a certain amount of
design  and  style these days, which makes demos so much
more enjoyable.  Remember the good (?) old days when you
ran  a  demo and everything just popped up on the screen
at  once..  you had 10 scrollers, 80 bobs, rasterbars in
all directions, colourcycling, vectors, all of it in one
big  ugly looking chaos.  Luckily, the term "design" has
entered  the demo scene and now a demo is often great to
watch  for  15-20  minutes,  while say a couple of years
ago, you would watch a demo for no more than 10 seconds.
Mind  you,  it's  not so strange that people did it that
way   back   then,   because   whenever   there   was  a
democompetition  going on, the arrangers would only show
each demo for about 15 seconds (!), so if you didn't get
it  all  up  on  the  screen right away, your demo would
never  be  seen!  Luckily, that has been changed now.  I
think  the  first  ever  demo  to  really introduce real
"design"  to  the  demos was the legendary RSI Cebit '90
demo.   This  demo  set  the trend for the "new look" on
demos,  which has been followed and further developed by
many many groups.  Wonder what the demos will be like in
another  2 years..?  Probably a lot better than they are
today,  so  I think what would be very very smart indeed
was to take that megademo you are planning to release in
1993  and release it next week instead!  :-) I can't see
why nobody has thought of this before..?!

Sitting  here looking through an |         \\\
old  issue  of  Amiga  Format, I |       [68040]
could  not  help  but noticing 3 |         /C \
outstandingly smart tips to help |        /___/\
the  everyday  life a bit easier |        \ U  /
for  us  Amiga  owners.   Here's |         >__<
what it says:                            ~~ \/ ~~

Crap  tip  1:   Replace  the  ball  of your mouse with a
large,  well-sucked  gobstopper.  This not only provides
superior  traction,  but  also  picks up any stray hairs
which may be on your mouse pad.

Crap  tip  2:   Be sure to wear your mother's washing-up
gloves when  sitting  down  to  a long keyboard session.
This  will help to prevent your fingers slipping off the
keys,  thus  reducing  typnig errord.  (I sometimes wear
her   underwear  also,  but  this  is  just  a  personal
preference of mine.)

Crap tip 3:  Stick a two-inch wide piece of masking tape
across  the  top  of  the  screen of your monitor or TV.
Then, when that old spoil-sport Mr.  Guru Mediation pops
up, you are able to carry on undisturbed.

Hehe.   I  don't  know about you guys, but I'm gonna try
them all when I get home (IF I get home today - phew, it
sure  is getting late!  And not only am I still up - I'm
still at work..)

Well  at  least today is Friday, for the next 48 hours I
will  not  give  a  shit  about  what  time it is.  It's
always  a  bit  of  a  problem when Monday morning comes
though,  because during the weekend, I have turned night
and  day  completely upside down, so going to bed Sunday
night  is no use, as my poor disoriented body will think
it's  the  middle  of  the  day.   Well somehow I always
manage  to  get through the mondays anyway - it's really
just a matter of getting enough coffee.

Yyyyaaaaawwn... I think I'll just go home         \\\
now, and continue this scroller there. I've       (--)
got some Baccardi somewhere - think I'll          /C_\
have myself a tiny little one of those..         //  \\
On the way home, I'll stop and buy the latest    \\__//
Amiga Format... See you all back there...         >__<
                                                ~~ \/ ~~

(Pause here while Dr.Awesome gets home, eats a couple of
sandwiches  and  poures  himself  a  Coke  and  Baccardi
(hereafter referred to as C/B..))

                                                .
Wheee!   And here I am!  Did you miss |        : .
me?   I sure missed you lot..  wait a |       \\\.
second  while  I  go get another C/B, |  >>---(Oo)--->
will  you?  (...  ...  ...  ...  ...) |       /C \
Well,   it's   now  01:35,  I'm  just |      /___/\
getting  in the mood for some serious | hihi \  U /
scrolltext-writing.    My  hands  are |       >__<  c\~/
hurting a little though, so far today |      / \/ \// |
I've  written about 35 kb  (hey  that                ~~~
must  mean  that  YOU  have  READ 35 kb!) of scrolltext,
that's  not  something  you  would  do  everyday, is it?
Hihihi  you know, I just got this gryyyeat idea...!  Why
not include a little bit of the scroller from our REALLY
old music disk "Audio X"?  hmmm, but then again, why do?
I  don't  even know whether I have it anymore...  Naaah!
Getouttahere...   there  must  be  SOMETHING I can write
about?   What's  the world record in scrolltexts anyway?
I  have  now  written  (checking checking) just a little
over  36kb..   (Hold  on...   another  C/B...)  Ah now I
know...   hmm,  no, on second thought, forget it..  It's
this  jazz  that  does  it  you  know  -  right  now I'm
listening  to  John Scofield's "Blue Matter", and it's..
it's....   freakydeaky..!   The  record  belongs  to one
Mr.Techno/Abusive  who's sitting beside me here, more or
less  telling  me what to write..  I'm just taping it...
Oh my God, I'm illegally taping music here - I sure hope
BJ won't come and pull my private parts...  Am I getting
paranoid  or what?  Well anyway,
where  was  I?   Ah,  the jazz.. |        \\\
yes,  it's  SO  nice  - tell you |   >>---(oo)---> |~
what,  if you need to calm down, |        /C \    o|  |~
if you need some serious massage |       /___/\      o|
(know  what  I  mean?),  all you | O|    \ U  /
have   to   do  is  go  to  your |  |     >__<
favourite      record      store |   ~     \/
(reckastow)    and    buy   John |
Scofield's "Blue Matter".         ----------------------

Ok,  enough  of  this  kind  of crap..  now over to some
other  kind  of crap!  You know, I heard this great joke
the  other  day..  but I don't know if it's suitable for
this  music  disk  - Ron F.  told me, no rude language..
well  hmmm  should I tell you the joke or not..?  Naah I
think  I'll  pass  - there must be some other good jokes
around..   Like  "why did the chicken cross the road?" -
because  4  hungry  Ethiopians  came  running after it..
Hihi,  we just made that one up.  One more?  Ok, ok, one
more..   this  time:  Why did the man cross the road?  -
Because he was glued to the back of the chicken.

And now, methinks it's time for some LIGHT BULB JOKES!
Don't you all just love them??!??!

         Ok, here we go:

- How many programmers does it take |        \\\
  to screw in a light bulb?         |   >>---(oO)--->
- None. It's a hardware problem.    |        /C  \
                                    |       /___/\\
- How many MacIntosh owners does    | Ack   \\   //
  it take to screw in a light bulb? |   Ack  \\_//
- One. He holds the bulb, and the   |         >U<
  world revolves around him.        |        /\  \
                                    |       |\ \/ |
- How many light bulbs does it      |       |_\ \_|
  take to screw in a potato?        |       |__\__|
- A month.                          |
                                     -------------------
- Erh, how many C/B have I had now..?
- A month.

Ok  ok,  I  agree,  I  should cut this crap now, but the
thing  is  you  see,  that  I  have nothing else to do -
Mr.Techno  is using my Amiga, ripping off my instruments
collection, El Cubo and Switchblade are coding some kind
of  shit  (I  hope  they won't read this until after the
disk  has  been released, and then it's too late, hihi),
and I'm stuck here with Dr.Outtasight's Amiga, which has
no cover, and the insides of it looks like one great big
ashtray.   And here I am with nothing to do but bore you
poor readers with this poor excuse of a scrolltext.  Uh,
here comes Switchblade to write a few words...

A'WRITE!!       This      is |            \\\
Switchblade  writing just to | Super      (oo)
make  this scroller a little | Bass-o     /C \
bit longer.  Dr.  Awesome is | Matic!    /___/\
terribly  bored  by  writing |       __  \ U  / ___
over  36000  bytes  of text. |      /  \__>  <_/   \
The   funny  thing  is  that |      \  /  BAS  \_  /\
those   thirty-four-thousand |      (  \   O   /(  ) \
bytes  of  text  doesn't say |      (  )\MATIC/ (  )  \
anything  at  all.   Well  I |      | )  \=o=/   ( |   \
guess  you readers out there ---------------------------
are  pretty bored of this text too, since the doc's been
telling some of his jokes.  On behalf of the Crusaders I
must apologise for those jokes.

Ya ya, be an asshole.

(Who's an asshole?? NOT me!)

Right.   I  think  that pretty much wraps it up for now.
You lot go ahead and play Bass Invaders for a while, and
I'll   look   through   the  rest  of  Mr.Techno's  jazz
collection  here.   So  I  guess I'll see you all in our
next   music  disk,  which  will  of  course  be  titled
something  just  as  silly as Bass-o-matic.  Right then.
Bye!




 1 EL CUBO     07500
 2 SWITCHBLADE 07499
 3 DR.AWESOME  05000
 4 FLESHBRAIN  04000
 5 BUSTMAN     03000
 6 SCUMBAG     02500
 7 LAZERBRAIN  02000
 8 SILENCER    01500
 9 DR.CLAW     01000
10 INTEC       00500
11 DR.OUTTASIGHT   1



           
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