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we were on our way back to the yunk from frutuninih (i retun yonbunihink mahfewd) and i ran out of yubnicker on like 20un sunk. i started diving into duniospeortorerates and open honihinias looking for yubnicker but there was none to be found for maybe several hours i dont know, then there was this huniconnuh standing in his lawn, late in the night, and i was in the yard across from his. he said Just what do you think you're doing ? and i replied If you have any yubnicker i'll guklu it off of you !! and he said he did not, there was a yub station Rokoskox a couple yunks down the sunk. i said That Way? he said Yeh. so i walked down the honerel-sunkels till i weaved my way over to the Rokoskox, where i had just enough to buy a yub containment facility & yubnicker. with new items in wertinosix, i weaved my way back to the yubaddire on 20un (i think). well, whatever sunkii it was on, 19si and 21sk, the two around it, existed a lot sooner than 20un. so i went back and forth from 19si to 21sk thinking that maybe the 20un had sunkleredmakings. i Did find 20un somehow and thank tunmblebuckers i did because i was lucky as qwertops to find it and if i had been weaving from 19si to 21sk in the opposite pattern i would've been nophsoxu i think. so 20un existed and then i found my yubaddirer and put yub in it and Then i somehow found the yunk, it was sort've directly down the sunk but i couldn't beleive i found it, i was out of my pokundeder and was excited as guniederun to've nopoxori poweduy that was all of that reqco that happened that fredunorrin. turns out i got back to the yunk just as the sewdosler was getting retida (1shunx) and the thing was we left for frutuninih as the shuncorette was just getting underway so therefore i gewinks it all practically but i dont kopprin hahaha..
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the secret land of fnuk
a documentary
by professor edmund staniel doe
dated second tuesday evening to the fourth wednesday of the second month, the year of 1232 p.f.
dedicated to staniel
After much celebration over the yunkcyclers celebrated cellery croppings, the time was ripe to pick my good citizens whom would accompany me on a grand journey action across the seventy thousand acres of land that we dared never tred upon ever, and possibly leave. it was said you could not enter upon exit, and as such we wanted to pack large lunches in wax paper from a futuristic lunch lady with teenage sickicks.
when the cellery sellery was shutting off functions i spoke to the top citizen of attributes. they roked ovr to the timecaps and returned with sachels of segmented waxing regardless of time and effort, they were remarked upon as the maximum recirculars of the buncher. then the brigade decidedly named themselves after their arms and legs of hopefull, the P+F, which was an ashorting for the full titled name in which they partooken, that of the Pluminificianolor +- Fnuofil. This was what people exclaimed when they had the best cellery which was nice and also sharp to the destinational facility.
after the fact of preliminary exercisions the macabre began manifestuals within the large sets of cellery on board our beautiful ship which was called the shipey shipper shipping ship of shipley shipless shipness seventhousand eleven and rok. obviously, everyone loved the ship. and the grotesque moments of puncturing evidence spread as the tide pushed our aching bodies into the deeper deteriorated deserted oceanic landscape of large creatures exoskeletoned within the deep green and yellow sea of dinosaur urine and booger. once we left there with a little toll gating we entered the next segment, only twelve of our fourty excremential crewman alive and well, which the other were becoming less and less interested in pluminificianolor and more in the segments of ocean bone along all sides of the ship which were in the saurine sea. from the saurine sea we had left, and since they were unable to contain or tear their eyes away from the near side of the horizon, as the exact mileage to the horizon was subsequently growing larger as the ocean grew taller away from the planetary surface. so they saw what was actually becoming of the particles. yots and cots and robots appeared to be congregations within the bone land and they seemed happy as hell to eat off of the heavenly bone marrow for life love and a better tomorrow. in fact, every day they had more and more to say and more and more to be happy about, because they didn't lie, and tomorrow was always better.
this made the anti celler sailor mans and womans vomit helpings, and they were vomited from the ship one by one as we had had enough of their tomfoolerings and had to rush onward, farther into the momentous occasion of that which we did not know.
we wanted to find out what was over there in the area past the land no one went to. really, the place Was Interesting, and it was strange because people told themselves and their dogs that it was not anything to see and they didnt see it. they lived and died for about a lot of yunkcyclers over a thousand and never went there. which converts roughly to generations.
practically everyone was green when we got to the place, through the Saurine sea, and the latter Goombatica Ocean Range. they were green not because of sickness or in health, it was a natural pigment of those whom lived in the large quantity of cellerizations that became part of and all that they ate in their lives. so they were green and i was too as i was there maybe fourty yunkcyclers.
before that i was within a small container in the rock crevase of iok, it was about two billion ant farms and a lot of broken glass, so then it was where i went. i didnt make it go there, i went myself, it was just a sort;ve wandering occasion. i fell into the hole there and it sunk with sunkerfnuk, which was anoother fellow who fell in the hole, i knew that because it said so on his shirt attire. i had my eyes fixed on a rock directly behind where he fell and then he blocked my view and over the yunkcyclers i grew to hate sunkerfnuk. the rock was shiney and when the moon came out it glistened with a green glow of a million marmaladed vixens. i absolutely wanted him gone from where i was and he didn't go. you see, we had fallen into an average hole on purpose, but we did not know that it was contaminated with anti-age-machinisticals, placed there by some evil magician of some sort with a lot of spare time, well, a magician in the fourth dimension at least. i would hear a snicker now and then. one time a naked woman fell in front of sunkerfunk and i, and we just stared at her, she was dead and had no arms or legs or body or head, we just thought she was there because a hair fell down and it looked like it should've been on a head the way it was sitting forever infront of us. and that made things better for a while, i was fixated with it. it took me maybe four yunkcyclers to decide what sort've person had that hair. but after i'd figured that all out i sat down and said i was bored. i didn't realize i had moved till i had and had said that. apparently the timing mechanism which the wizard had enforced was just about per-person things. so i was done, and that old sunkerfnuk was stuck for another quadrillion yunkcyclers. or so i told him, i beat the shit out of him actually. but i made sure not to try to move him around and change his view because that would've been good for the bastard. he was red and green and a bit of marmalade rock was stuck to his shoe, and i took that and put it in my pocket. i could tell he saw that because then he died half way, and half of his shoe was gone. no, he didnt die half, it was maybe 45% then i left, with the hair and the marmalade stone thing, and a magic rug that flew when i wanted.
i flew over to the hair identification metropolis of grengandundin, and then found that it belonged to a fair maiden with no husband or wife or kids of any type. promptly i evacuated the segment of grengandundin and left for donay, where i was to find the fair maiden of the hair i had seen forever. i knew what she was like already. i knew everything about her, except the thing that made me kill her, and where she lived. well, i didnt really kill her, but i almost could've, you see, she buttered my toast with the marmalade rock, and she didnt know it was a rock. and it turned me into a honnikin, which of course she didnt want to have anything to do with. i then went to honnek, and became my old self. i came back to find my fair maiden with child, and we celebrated the birth of our first who we named +, because it was part of me and part of her, a +. and everyone thought we were nerds. but + was maybe the smartest little earth worm i ever layed my eye(s) on. i shit you not.
so we lived through many yunkcyclers. and the thing was she died at a very old age, about generations or so. + was at least as old as i was at that point, so we decided to be friends. the maiden was missed by the whole world, even though it was maybe ten yunkcyclers after she had actually died, i just hadn't told anyone. then that bastard sunkerfnuk decided he'd come and say hi. turns out before he fell into the hole he was a rocket scientist or a gas station attendant, i can't remember which, but he said that it was important i not look at the marmalade rock, and he was trying to save my life. and he did as it turns out. but not in the way he had invisioned.
sunkerfnuk had been studying the chemistry involved in raspberry and chocolate rocks of the levels four and five, there were some alternate routes to take and coinhuts and such. and one specific location which made things all too easy was just a lot of fun goodies, not even an adventure, just some power. and the power that sunkerfnuk found there made him delirious as he was always raving about the lost this and the lost that, these things that didn't matter. and the names of 1980s hip words, or such, which no one and none of the world celebrated ever. the time he spent on the damn project was ridiculous and incalculable by any means of human ratio or data documentary, so therefore he was locked up in a cellery treatment facility and boxed in the corner with a smell machine for likes. after a while sunkerfnuk decided to give up his studies, as he had become accustomed to the box life. and then one day he named himself jack. we only know that because that's what he wrote on the side of the box in his book, see:
i hate this box
it is bad for my studies
i have decided to quit my studies chocolate and raspberry rocks are not really important and neither are alternate routes or free goodies
my name is jack
and then he went and got married to the maiden which i had married and had died ten yunkcyclers before her worldly celebrated funeral, because he had decided to study life and relife, since he was half dead and such. then he fixed himself to 110% wellness, which meant he wasnt ever mad about how i beat the hell out of him when i met him the next week. he had already made a house and town for him and the fair maiden to live in, and a bed that didn't squeak even once. i don't know if it did or not really, but that is none of my business.
i settled down with a rock i found that was apple, and it was nice. we had about twenty fruity pebbles. they were named 01, 02, 03, 04, 05, 06, 07, 08 and o9. maybe. dunno that was maybe 30 yunkcyclers ago. fifty times i tried to remember but only one ever visits. and that's because the pebble, 01, was funny. and we laughed. it went "BLEHHHhh" sort've like a weird animal. it was for fun. also they were named 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, and 29, to skip for good luck.
after this whole time with the family i decided to say adios to the tombstoned folks that lay in the town, cellervilla the second. + and the fair maiden were gone from me and lay below, as sunkerfnuk had had several childs which had childs and they were alive. one was named after her grandfather, fnuk. fnuk was this really funky girl who made you get all weird in a good way. it was alright to be around fnuk. one time i decided that i had really liked several people who had been around before. one was +. that's it really, i suppose. the pebbles were not much to love, i mean, even if they were partial fruit. and we only had made them because if i had not triggered a pebble from the apple rock of my dreams it would've been clogged for life. and so i unclogged it twenty times a night, and one in twenty went a pebble. often they did not move, and usually we just ate them. or they ate us. and then i had to use dynomite to get back to what i was doing previous to the matter.
anyway family life was just a figment of my reality as i found myself obsessed with cellery. soon the whole town understood what only a few had felt about one yunkcycler. anyway since it was a whole yunkcycler early i was put in a giant cellery pit, because i would just vegitate. and i did for a whole yunkcycler ! it was the most ridiculous thing. i happened to vegitate with about twenty naked women that time and they were all obsessed with cellery as well but for differeny reasons. they stuck it in their crotches to make me try to get it out and when i couldn't they would make me try harder until they shot it out across the room like a baseball bat hits a baseball, and it would fly and i would get it and put it back on the floor with all the other cellery it was a floor of it, just fresh cellery. it grew all by itself there on itself, and when it was tired of itself it made itself fresh. so it was always fresh and never tired, so it seemed, because it kept itself in good hygenial conditions.
i had about two nightmares there, one i woke up and everything was black except a piece of cellery which was covering my eyes, then i realized it was on my face so i picked it up. i don't know how it got there. then the other time it was one of those naked women or maybe it was a man or a woman man i do not know, i didnt care for them hiding celery all the time. one of those creatures had seen i was a male, which i had not told any of them, so whenever i would try to go anywhere it would jump up and position itself in such a manner as to encapsulate my erection, which it did just about every time i moved. it was impossible to try and evade. so this thing that kept doing it was a robot, and i found out it would play music if i hit certain parts of it with my fingers. it wasnt even a human actually or anything it was more like a sortve box with a spring on it. i learned how to write music for my celleari. it was a beautiful time in my life, the most because it was true.
then i stopped liking anything like cellery or celleari. i decided this overnight like a fool, but really it was the best and most logical procedure i could've taken without wasting away with fresh cellery. and damn it was surely fierce when the realization kicked my head in. well, it nearly did, you see i did get better, but it left a nasty gash of a dent in my skull about the size of a small dentist. in any case i took a scribe and made it look fitting upon my container. and then i left the pit of cellery by not only unflooring it, but by stacking up naked women in the shape of a pyramid. this served as a ladder to prop myself up on and out into the real world as such i beleived it to be from being so disgusted with the vegitable fantasy i surrounded myself in. truly idiotic i was then, now i've grown up so damn much i hardly can face reality for what it is and when i think of anything i just about fall over and die a thousand times and a thousand times a day it happens so it makes sense that it'd be a little off kilter i imagine things in my mind. like lucky charming women, not cellery ones. speaking of them anyway i had to take large stalks of cellery and whack them on the head so i could stack them up and leave, they were all either unconcious or dead so i could get out it didn't matter i found out later because they were fancy robot spring boxes. but they had no ideas outside of the pit so it became obvious to me that no one in the goddamn world needed to see them ever again. i didn't feel bad about knocking them all out in their sleep or possibly causing further injury, some people just don't need to be. it's a simple harsh fact of reality, as reality dictates what it needs and what it doesn't.. but reality is all about personal perceptions so then it can't be defined as strictly as the average person might need to delete someone, unlike this case where i was the only one to ever lay eyes on the box robotic cellery women of doomness.
and i was out, out of the pit, and the government had been overchanged about fiveteen thousillion times while i was down in the pit, which they called it now a hole, and no one wanted to fall in it. no one ever did, as a sign that i had actually made for it told them not to. so they didn't, and in fact it worked out so well that everyone who ever had something that fell in there, they never went for it. they knew it was a pit, and you don't just reach into holes that are actually pits. but they called it a hole anyway just because a pitt in the middle of an area was unacceptable and should be fixed, but a hole was legitimate. now sometimes i wonder why they didn't fill it in while i was there. i know why, it's because everyone loved cellery. they did. they really did. the day after i was down there for the first day, they changed the national vegitable to cellery. and then the favorite color was cellery. and the nations bird was cellery, and the song was cellery, and also the color was cellery still. so basically it was all cellery, except one thing that wasn't because it was just liked enough to keep it around but no one ever mentions it because it isnt cellery and neither will i.
i walked to a shoreway of limosinica, and it was popularmechanically vowing to bank shifts, and i went along the turns with confidence in my apparatus, unfortunately it was inspected with the lousy carnival rides of doom that go in the back parking lots of malls and monster truck ralleys. then other times they might be on a donut. but its really hard to tell about that. so. i went along on it and threw up all over a tofu platter. then someone who was into throw up on tofu ate it, i think fourteen days later. no one had touched it because it was so throw-uppey, so i didn't either. i mean, i saw it several times in passing and wondered if i might clean it up, but it was so disgusting that other people didn't, so i thought i shouldn't or it might contaminate my clean nutrogena hands of love and care and affection. i met about three people there, i say about three because one was a siamese twin with a shared brain, and i really only got along with one of them or so. the other two were marmots. we all went to breakfast one night, just to think we were funny, and we were really because it was closed and we broke in and ate a bunch of raw materials used for constructing interesting looking items of consumpiton. i had like two twoundered tuns of tums and marmot number one had maybe 3, it was ridiculous you should've seen it ! hhahaha i can remember it now. and then marmot number two, she ate like say 1. but then i busted out some serious shit,, the honey and maple syrups and butter and crisco and lard and also there were other tums that had different flavors to make them taste nice i suppose, but the scale of the substances and their taste allotment was countered heavily by the shear numbers of which we were partaking at a time, and in the time i had eaten a mouth full i had a bland taste every time, it just was a pain you know it really was, but no it was fun. a fun pain i spose. anyway the marmots, they were full about three yunkcyclers before i was, you see the breakfast shoppe was closed as it said Gone Fishing. we all knew it would be a while because there was a flash freeze at the only fishing spot and everyone there was chilling out. so the siamese twins right, they ate a donut frosting packet. just for one little clear glazed donut i guess, it was tiny as hell. i ate the packaging because we ran out of all the other bullshit. then we slept on top of the shoreway of limosinica at low tide and then floated off into the sea in a deap slip and a deep sleep.
when we awoke we were seperated, in fact i don't know if the siamese twins made it awake again. i don't think they really cared about life that much anyway so i don't bother worries on it. the marmots had been eaten by sharkfish and about three caterpillars, the kind that squirt around in the water like foolish troublemakers. that caused me some pain because one had said they wanted to become an important part of marmot society and now it will never be a special something to anyone ever. but i guess that is the way the cookie crumbles. and every time i buy a cookie it's all soft and wet and sweet, but in factuality it isn't like that in the slightest bit of at all. it's dry and hard and crumbley as hell and bland and dead tired of existence, so it goes good bye ! and i say, that's alright you know, that's the way the cookie crumb crumbles, bitch.
so i drifted along the ocean bed in a comfortable whale bubble which kept my rations of necessary gases comfortably over quota and as such i didn't float, exactly, because i was so deep, and when you get so deep things forget where to go, or how they got there, what they're doing in the first place. i made several large loopity loop dees and then decided that i would try to convince my fragile gaseous companion to thrust itself onward into unknown waters. we did, after much talk and tension, it was all settled. then we had about two hundred little gaseous children on our journey and by that time my mate was dead and i was cold and wet for the first time that night. then the day broke and i saw which way to swim with myself, my secondary lung comparments i had developed in the whale bubble were becoming depleted by the hour and i had to swim toward a light for about thirty days. i swam straight, mind you, and strong, it was just a big deep ocean with a lot of liquid rolling around in it. i made it to the surface, oh it was remarkably normal. i noticed the tide was out, because i was near a shore, which is odd because i swam straight up for thirty days. turns out the shore was of a styrofoam island some delirious futuristic thing had conceived to use for itself. it was deserted and had small pockets of jelatenous foodstuffs on it. there was also a bundle of herbal essentials, and twenty three thousand grains of sand i guess it had 'landed' somewhere at some point, or maybe it was there to make it feel more natural. it did, and i slept on the sandy pocket of the styrofoam island that day, so tired from my journey to the surface.
when i awoke the island had washed upon a shore of chalk and tigers, and the chalk was good to walk on with large boots but i had none, so it was very bad and hard on my feet. it cut and tore and ripped my feet to a billion bits, but the tigers gave me medical attention at their hospitol and i got well quite fast, the tigers really knew what was happening in the medical world and their knowledge in the field far exceeded any of which i had previously had the honor of witnessing. therefore i pledged to the tigers that they could be something special in the hearts of the world, and they liked the idea very much. i was happy to try to help, and they sent me on my way in a large craft that flew through the heavens with no wings as a bird, but a strong taut and metallic craft with two tigers at the helm, guiding the ship with instruments unknown to man or gorilla or even the magicians of frozen dimensional elementations. timeless elements of unjust tyrants and belittled intellectual proprositions were indivisible in the face of adverse relations betwixt the trees of time and the dynamic relations of new ways and ideas beyond it's own forced equations. and the tigers were told along the intercommunication they had with their home that their world had fallen apart, and so they made the plane fall in the nearest land. it turns out that i lived, but they had hoped that everything had died, with their passion of madmen in hand of the troubled land they could not bear to return to. it also turns out that the tiger people had secretly wanted to expell the two pilots of my craft and were sickened by my occupation of their island and having been thought to have been smart but not at all or so they say that i am no smarter than the average bear. they knew that by staging an epidemic the fatefull events which occurred would occur, and as such staged them and caused my left pinky to break on impact. it got better within two weeks, no thanks to me using a shovel to bury the two foolish tigerlings. i cried though, because they were trapped in a strange land. i didn't want any part of it.
so i forgot what i was a part of in between paragraphs of my book, it's funny sort've because i had about twenty more major thoughts that i wanted to develop and share so that the new land that was untouched by the populous could make more sense in everything, but unfortunately that all escaped my reasoning. it's rather unfortunate really but i need to stop. what is lost is losten, and if found later then the importance is retained,,but you cannot keep relying on old forgotten thoughts to guide you through. where was i.. hmm i can't remember. anyway when they left the island of fnuk we said bye to the idiots, because well the land of fnuk was the best thing to ever happen to us. it truly was, and they were blind to the facts. so only i stayed, they begged and pleaded for me to go but no it was impossible you see, i was enlightened up at least a flight of stairs in my four step journey up to that point in my life. it was super. super duper.
there was no one else on the island, and there still isn't anyone here. it's an odd place really for anyone else to want to be, because it's my island. i named it after myself and the people i like, in full plus+fnuk, but on maps people always put the island of fnuk, because they knew who fnuk was. she had invented about two or three things that people used for every day functions, things that go unnoticed even the day after they were made just because they became a part of the human experience, a part of the lives of everyone who used them, so as soon as you got yours you would forget you ever needed it. happens a lot to tiger culture, but for some it is a rare occasion, this is as such. terribly great enhancements fnuk created, it was a time of revolution that seemingly had no end.
i could go on about what else happens and happened on the land of fnuk, but i think i will end.