Preview
h
HELLO THERE, ALL YOU SOUNDTRACK'O'MANIACS!!!
i
YOU ARE NOW IN POSESSION OF abcde'S MUSICCOLLECTION!!! IT WAS CODED BY ME
(HOOKER) AS A TRIBUTE TO @@@JEPP@@@, OUR SOUND&GRAPHICSWIZARD!!! HMM... IN
THIS SCROLL I'LL WRITE A LOT OF BULL, SERIOUS STUFF AND I MIGHT EVEN TELL YOU
A SMALL BED-TIME STORY!!! I THINK I'LL THROW A MASSAGE (MESSAGE???) TO A
COOL PERSON WHO I BECAME GOOD FRIENDS WITH YESTERDAY: MALLE (AFTER ALL, I
DIDN'T FORGET YOU!) HMMM... THANX FOR THE TALK YESTERDAY, YOU'RE
NOT AS BAD AS I THOUGHT! -I KNOW THAT YOU'RE SORRY ABOUT THE FIRST, SECOND,
THIRD AND THE FOURTH TIME WE MET... DON'T WORRY, I FORGIVE YA!!! KEEP
COOOOOOLLLL!!!!!! IF IT'S BROTHER LOVE, AKEEM OR THE SLICKSTER
(UNDERCOVER, UNICRACK OR X'TREME OF THE NEW DIMENSION) WHO'S READING THIS
SCROLL, I'VE GOT A MESSAGE FOR YOU:
***BREAK IF YOU WANT IT, YOU'LL
JUST HAVE TO WAIT FOR IT!!! I'VE JUST TAKEN OVER FROM HOOKER, BECAUSE HE
IS QUITE UNABLE TO WRITE ANYTHING AT THE MOMENT BECAUSE.... WELL, THE POOR
BOY HAS HAD A BEER OR TWO FOR BREAKFAST... NOW IT IS ME, JEPP, AT THE
KEYBOARD, AND AS SAID, IF ANYONE WANTS TO KNOW WHAT HOOKER HAS GOT TO SAY
ABOUT THE NEW LAME DIMENSION, JUST WAIT FOR IT!!!!! NOW, HERE'S A
SHORT MESSAGE TO X'TREME FROM ME... WHY CAN'T YOU JUST STOP BUGGING US??
WE HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING TO YOU, AND WE REALLY CAN'T SEE ANY REASONABLE
EXPLANATION WHY YOU'RE BEING SO DAMN IMPOLITE AND CRUDE!!! YOU'RE A BLOODY
PAIN IN THE ASS, AND YOU'RE ACTING VERY IMMATURE AND CHILDISH!! I'VE ALSO
GOT A COMMENT ABOUT "YOUR" SOUNDTRACKER DISK: WHY DID YOU HAVE TO STEAL THE
PRESET LIST AND THE DATA DISKS FROM HOOKER, WITHOUT EVEN MENTIONING HIS NAME?
PROBABLY BECAUSE YOU'RE TOO STUPID TO CREATE IT YOURSELF, I PRESUME!!!! ONE
MORE THING TO YOU: THE ONLY THING EXTREME ABOUT YOU, IS YOUR POVERTY OF
INTELLECT. WHEN ANYONE SEES YOU FOR THE FIRST TIME, HE'LL JUDGE YOU TO
SUFFER FROM DOWN'S SYNDROME (LOOK IT UP, DENSE-BRAIN), OR JUST LEAVE, NEVER
TO SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN, BECAUSE HE HAS FOUND YOUR LACK OF IRONY COMPLETELY
IRRITATING AND BECAUSE YOU'RE BEING GENERALLY PUERILE!!!! YOU ARE ONE OF THE
MOST MORONIC IMBECILE, OBTUSE, SUBNORMAL, OAFISH, FOOLISH, LAUGHABLE,
FEATHER-BRAINED SON-OF-MORE-BITCHES-THAN-IMAGINABLE, SHIT-HEADED ASSHOLES I'VE
EVER MET!!!!!!!! YOU'RE A CUCKOO, A CRETIN, A COMPLETE AND UTTER IDIOT,
A BLOODY STOOGE AND A PSYCHOPATHIC AND UNDEVELOPED GREENHORNED JERK!!!!
AAAAHHH!!!! IT FEELS GOOD TO GET THAT OFF MY CHEST! OK, ENOUGH ABOUT
NANOK. NOW IT IS HOOKER, WITH A NOTE ON THE NEW DIMENSION:
HIP HURRA! JEG ER TILBAGE MED EN DANSK TEKST!!! [[HHH... f
JEG TROR HELLERE AT JEG VIL SKRIVE P] ENGELSK, FORDI AT DER ER F] TING P] GUDS
FORURENEDE JORD, DER ER MERE KEDELIGE END EN DANSK SCROLLTEKST. (DET SKULLE DA
LIGE V[RE "ANTI-HUMOR" HIMSELF: X'TREME...) JEPP TOLD YOU, THAT I'VE HAD A FEW
BEERS TOO MANY FOR BREAKFAST... WELL, IN FACT IT'S MORE LIKE FIVE OR SIX, SO
I'M QUITE "IN THE MOOD" RIGHT NOW!!! HMM... SIX MONTHS AGO, I WAS A
LAMER WITHOUT ANY REAL KNOWLEDGE ABOUT THE AMIGAS POSSIBILITIES... (I'M STILL
A LAMER, BUT NOT AS MUCH AS I USED TO BE...) AT THAT TIME ALL I DID WAS TO
PLAY SILLY GAMES, AND TO WATCH OTHER CODERS INTROS, DREAMING ABOUT CODING
SOMETHING MYSELF... ...BUT I WAS TOO STUPID TO MAKE ANYTHING ELSE THAN
PROGRAMS WRITTEN IN MAGAZINES ... I THINK THAT THIS MUSICDISC PROVES, THAT
I'M NOT THAT LAME ANYMORE!!! NOW I ASK YOU, BROTHER LOVE, SLICKSTER&AKEEM:
WHO'S THE LAMER NOW??? YOU MIGHT BE FAST SWAPPERS, BUT WHAT ELSE CAN YOU DO???
WHAT'S MOST SATISFYING: TO BE ABLE TO WRITE A BOOK CALLED "X-COPY INSIDE&OUT",
OR A BOOK CALLED "HOW I MADE MY FIRST INTRO..." NOW YOU'RE THE LAMERS (HEY!
THIS SOUNDS LIKE THE ADVERTISEMENT FOR WERTHER'S ORIGINAL!) AND I'M THE ONE WITH
THE MOST KNOWLEDGE OF THE FOUR OF US!!! BROTHER LOVE, AKEEM&SLICKSTER:
FACE IT... IT'S BETTER TO HAVE AN UNKNOWN NAME THAN TO BE X'TREME LAME!!!
(IF YOU ARE AS POPULAR AS YOU CLAIM TO BE, HOW COME THAT NOBODY GREET YOU???
(IS IT BECAUSE YOU'RE LAME???)) WELL, I WON'T WASTE MY ENERGY ON SUCH
IRRELEVANT PERSONS AS BROTHER LOVE, AKEEM OR THE SLICKSTER, THEY AREN'T WORTH
THE EFFORT! I REALLY HOPE THAT YOU LIKE MY SMALL BUT "BEAUTIFUL" BOBS...
FIRST TIME I SAW SUCH CHAOTIC BOBS WERE JABBA'S IN THE IT MEGA-DEMO, AND I
WAS REALLY CRAZY ABOUT THEM!!! ...BUT THEY NEEDED SOMETHING... THEY
HAD A BIG DISADVANTAGE: YOU HADN'T GOT ANY CONTROL AT ALL OVER THE BOBS;
ALL YOU COULD DO WAS TO WAIT AND AND SEE WHAT NEW CURVES JABBA HAD PROGRAMMED
THEM TO FOLLOW... SO I DECIDED TO MAKE SOME MYSELF, AND HERE'S THE RESULT!
BY THE WAY... (WHAT WAY???) IF IT'S BUZZAW OF IT WHO'S READING
THIS, I JUST WANT TO SAY THANX FOR YOUR NICE LETTER!!! PIK OG PATTER!!!
ANTI-MOSES VIL OVERTAGE MIN SCROLL... ]K[H, IMOD-MOSES, KIBORDET [R DIDT!!!
ANTI-MOSES OF abcde IT IS INDEED WRITING YES IT IS SO. WELL, HOOKER, OR
LAMER-BASSE OR LAMER-SUTTEN IF YOU LIKE, WANTED ME TO WRITE SOME TEXT FOR
THIS NICE LITTLE MUSIC-DEMO OF HIS, SO THAT'S WHAT I'M TRYING TO DO.
I THINK I'LL SEND A COUPLE OF GREETINGS. THESE GREETINGS WILL GO TO
PERSONS/OBJECTS WHO/WHICH ARE VERY DEAR TO ME. OK! HERE GOES:
MONRAD & RISLUND, MALLE (BIG, RED AND HORNY), BRUTALE BASVIOLA,
BLYDA, AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST:
VIGINA. fBY THE WAY MALLE, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT ALEXANDER THE
GREAT???.
AFTER VIGINAS LAST VISIT IT ISN'T FEELING VERY WELL. TO BE QUITE FRANKLY
WITH YOU: I CAN ONLY SEE ONE WAY OUT OF THIS: AND THAT IS YOU GIVING IT
SOME VERY SERIOUS MASSAGE IN VERY NEAR FUTURE!!!!!!!!
ENOUGH CRAP.!.!. ...AND NOW TO SOME COMPLETELY DIFFERENT CRAP:
@@@@@@@ HIL SATAN @@@@@@@ IF THERE IS ANYONE OUT THERE WHO WOULD LIKE
TO SWAP SOME METAL (MEGADETH, METALLICA, IRON MAIDEN, NUCLEAR ASSAULT, AC/DC,
VENOM, SLAYER, TESTAMENT, KING DIAMOND, JUDAS PRIEST, ANTHRAX, DEEP PURPLE,
LIVING DEATH ETC.) THEN CONTACT US. AND NOW LADIES AND GENTLEMEN , MAY I
PRESENT TO YOU : KNOBBE OF abcde.
WELL, KNOBBE... I'M SORRY THAT I SCREW UP YOUR TEXT, BUT AS YOU PROBABLY
KNOW, KNOBBE, I HAVE FIRST PRIORITY!!! YOU DON'T KNOW WHO I AM, KNOBBE, AND
YOU'LL PROBABLY NEVER KNOW, KNOBBE... WELL, KNOBBE, I THINK I'LL LET YOU
WRITE A FEW KB OF TEXT, KNOBBE/BOBBE/POBBE/FLOBBE/FLOBSTER/
PROBSTER/LOBSTER...
THIS IS NOBSTER OF abcde WHO IS ABOUT TO ENTER THE SCROLL ZONE !!! THIS IS A
MORE OR LESS STUPID AND RIDICOLOUS DAMAGE EVENING IN OUR LOCAL CLUB, WHERE
HOOKER HAS DECIDED TO MAKE EACH ONE OF US WRITE SOME KB OF TEXT FOR NO REASON
WHAT SO EVER --- EXCEPT MAYBE THIS WEIRD DAMAGED MUSICDISK! I JUST MIGHT START
WITH TELLING A LITTLE ABOUT WHAT IS HAPPENING AROUND ME: JEPP AND ANTICHRIST ARE
SINGING A SCOTTISH SONG, HOOKER IS DISCUSSING TRACKDISK WITH SOME UNKNOWN GUY,
AND THE REST ARE OUTSIDE THIS NICE AND COZY ROOM TO CHECK OUT WHAT IS HAPPENING
IN THE 64 ROOM AND THE FRIDGE, WHERE THE BEERS AND COKES ARE. JEPP IS TOYING
AROUND WITH HIS NEW CAMERA, WHICH HE HAS BEEN SO NICE TO BRING WITH HIM, SO THAT
HE COULD TAKE SOME GREAT PHOTOS OF WHAT IS HAPPENING AROUND HERE ......... WE
HAVE JUST GOT TWO NEW MEMBERS HERE IN DAMAGE INC. - TWAT & KAZANOWA. THEY HAVE
JUST UPGRADED FROM 64 AND SPECTRUM, RESPECTIVELY. I HOPE YOU WILL ENJOY THE
MEMBERSHIP OF THIS WEIRD, BUT GIGAGREAT TEAM, BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T, YOU MIGHT AS
WELL JOIN SOME SHITTY GROUP LIKE THE NEW DIMENSION! RIGHT NOW THERE ARE FLYING
A COUPLE OF "LYDLUS" AROUND THE NEIGHBOURHOOD AND THEY ARE BLOODY IRRITATING!!!
YOU REALLY OUGHT TO VISIT US RIGHT NOW AND SEE SOME STRANGE THINGS: TWAT IS
DOING CURVESPITTING AND HITTING RANDOM PLACES AND FROM TIME TO TIME, HIS OWN
FACE! AND THE REST OF THE TEAM ARE TRYING TO LEARN HOW TO SPIT THE SAME WAY,
WHICH TWAT SPITS ..... HIS JUST OPENS HIS MOUTH AND SOMETHING STICKY LEAPS
OUT! TIME FOR CHAOS: I WILL THROW THIS KEYBOARD TO ANTICHRIST SO HE CAN UDBREDE
HANS KUNNEN .............
---SORRY, GUYS!!! IT IS I, JEPP. WHO WANTS TO TELL YOU ABOUT SOME OF
THE TUNES...
j
THE "HAIL TO THE MIX" IS LABELED "NON-LAL", BECAUSE OF ITS STUPIDITY!!!!
THE "SONG FOR GUY" TUNE.... WELL, I MADE IT BECAUSE I LIKE THE ORIGINAL BY ELTON
JOHN. IT IS A BEAUTIFUL SONG, AND IT WAS ACTUALLY MADE FOR A YOUNG BOY, WORKING
AT ELTON'S STUDIO. HE WAS KILLED IN AN ACCIDENT, AND ELTON DEDICATED THE TUNE TO
HIM. "ENOLA GAY" IS ABOUT THE AMERICAN BOMBER WHICH DROPPED THE NUCLEAR BOMB ON
HIROSHIMA; "LOCOMOTION" AND "MYSTERIALITY" ARE ALL BY ORCHESTRAL MANOEUVRES
IN THE DARK. IT IS VERY EASY TO ADAPT THEIR TUNES TO THE AMIGA, BECAUSE THEY
ARE ORIGINALLY MADE FOR COMPUTERS AND SYNTHESIZERS. "OUT OF THE DARK" IS A
HOMEMADE TUNE LIKE "DARK KNIGHT" AND "PYTTE". IT WAS INSPIRED BY JOHN
CARPENTER, ONE OF MY FAVOURITE FILM SCORE COMPOSERS. "ACIIIEEED!", WAS MADE
PARTLY AS A PROVOCATION, AND PARTLY AS A PROVE OF HOW DUMB, STUPID,
UN-INTELLIGENT AND UNBRAINED THIS TYPE OF MUSIC IS!!!! "DRUNKEN DJ", WELL, IT
WAS JUST MADE FOR FUN, AND NOTHING MORE, NOTHING LESS... @@@MASTER OF METAL@@@
OHH... AM I PROUD OF THAT?! YES!! IT IS THE VERY FIRST REAL ADAPTION OF HEAVY
METAL ON THE AMIGA!!!! THE ORIGINAL MODULE TOOK UP ABOUT 230 KILOS OF RAM, BUT
HOOKER HADN'T GOT ENOUGH SPACE TO UNPACK IT IN, SO HE HAD TO REMOVE A COUPLE OF
INSTRUMENTS AND CUT OFF THE END OF A FEW OTHERS... "MOSCOW NIGHTS": THAT IS AN
ANCIENT RUSSIAN FOLK SONG. "BLUE IS NICE" IS A BLUES!!! YES, THAT'S WHAT IT
IS..... A BLUES. NOT A REDS OR A YELLOWS, NOPE! A BLUES. "HAIL TO THE MIX"....
NO COMMENTS!!!!!!! OK..... THAT WILL BE ALL FOR ME AT THE MOMENT, HERE'S
ANITCHRIST!!!
i
YES! YES! YES! THIS IS ANTICHRIST! (THAT IS WHAT I WAS MEANT TO BE, YOUR GOD
LEFT ME BEHIND, AND SET MY SOUL TO BE FREE !!!!! ) I HOPE THAT YOU LIKE THE
CHAOTIC THINGS IN THIS UNIVERSE. (FOR EXAMPLE MY BOBS?!? -HOOKER) I ALSO HOPE
THAT YOU LIKE HEAVY METAL. NOBSTER SMELLS, HE FARTS. WHAT A LUSK!!!
(LUSK??? AH, YET ANOTHER INTERN "NANOK-IKKE-FORST]"-ORD! -HOOKER) IF YOU DON'T
KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE WORD "LUSK" THEN YOU ARE A COMPLETE FRETPLET !!!! TWAT
FARTS...EVERYBODY FARTS !!!!!! @ RULLEP\LSE @ QUERKAFLEEG !!!
( KLITORIS ) JEPP IS DRINKING KOLA (K!) LYDLUS! BY THE WAY! I AM GOING TO A
BIG BANGER-PARTY THIS WEEKEND, SO I AM GOING TO GET SLIDGIGT IN MY NECK !! WHAT
A LUSK !! OI! DOES ANYBODY FANCY A PUNCH IN THE DICK ?!?!?!? I
DO!!!
@@@ SCOOBY DOOBY DOOOO @@@ PUPPY POWER!!! IT'S HOOKER!!!
HELLO, ALL YOU SMALL&GREAT METALLICA/IRON MAIDEN/AC DC/DIRE STRAITS/U2/
BIRTHE KJ[R&OTTO BRANDENBURG PHREAKSTERS DERUDE I DET UENDELIGE UNIVERS!!!
IF YOU HAVE ANY DOUBT ABOUT THE IDENDITY OF THE OBJECT WE CALL
NANOK fÈ, I'D RATHER BRIGHTEN YOUR VISION A LITTLE BY INFORMING YOU,
THAT NANOK IS IN FACT X'TREME OF THE LAME DIMENSION... IF YOU KNOW HIM,
YOU PROBABLY ALSO KNOW THE REASON FOR THAT NAME; IF YOU DON'T GET, TOUGH
LUCK!!! SPROOONN! f (THAT'S A DON MARTIN SOUND-EFFECT...)LET'S
MAKE A ^````````````````_ LETTER TO NANOK... (NOT A NORMAL CHAINLETTER, BUT A
LOT OF PACKAGES WITH SMALL LUMPS OF URAN 235, WHICH HE IS THEN INSTRUCTED TO
SQUEEZE TOGETHER UNTIL HE HAS TWO CRITICAL MASSES... HE IS THEN ORDERED TO
TIE ONE OF THE MASSES ONTO HIS CHEST (???), AND THE OTHER ONE HE SHOULD TIE
ONTO UNICRACKS BACK... ALL THAT IS ESSENTIAL TO ACTIVATE THE CHAIN REACTION
IS A HOMOSEXUAL INTERCOURSE AND.....SPLAGACHUNK/FOOOVROOOOMMM!!!
NO MORE X'TREME OR UNICRACK... BY THE WAY, UNICRACK: I'VE HEARD THAT YOU
THOUGHT THAT I WAS STUPID TO BUY YOUR STAR NL-10 FOR 500 KR... (THAT'S
ALMOST A YEAR AGO...) YOU THOUGHT THAT IT WOULDN'T WORK VERY LONG... HA!
IT'S PRINTING PERFECTLY!!! WELL, YOU PROBABLY DON'T CARE ABOUT OTHER
PEOPLES PRINTERS. IF SOME OF YOUR STUFF BREAKS DOWN, YOU JUST TELL YOUR
MOTHER THAT YOU WANT SOMETHING NEW!!! REMEMBER WHEN YOUR DRIVE WASN'T
FUNCTIONING CORRECTLY??? YOU JUST GOT A NEW ONE!!! I CAN'T FIND ANY
REASON FOR YOUR MOTHER TO CONTINUE GIVING YOU ALL KINDS OF EXPENSIVE GOODS,
WHEN ALL YOU DO IS TO YELL AT HER AND CALL HER THINGS TOO DISGUSTING TO BE
MENTIONED HERE...
(SHE'S ONE OF THE NICEST PERSONS I KNOW, BY THE WAY! GREET HER FROM ME,
WILL YA??? AT LEAST, SHE DESERVES THE GREETINGS!!!)
WELL, I'M TR[T OF AT SKRIVE, SO I'LL SAY FARVEL FOR NU...
YIPPIE, YIPPIE YEAH!!!!! STOP THAT TWAT!!!!! I HATE TWAT'S FUCKIN'
SINESPITTING!!!!! IT IS DISCUSTING!!!!!!! OK ALL YOU DISCONNECTED BRAINYBOYS
OUT THERE AT THE SCHREEEN!!!!! THIS IS JEPP..... TRYING TO WRITE!!!! (WOW!
A POET -HOOKER) IT IS EXTREMELY HARD TO DO JUST THAT AT THE MOMENT
'CAUSE EVERYONE IS QUITE CHAOTIC RIGHT NOW.... AHHH!!!!! THAT WAS NICE!!!
EVERYBODY HAS LEFT THE ROOM BECAUSE THEY WANT TO CALL SOMEONE AND MAKE FUNNY
LITTLE JOKES!!!! HAHA!!!! OK, FUN'S OVER, NOW TO THE SERIOUS STUFF!!!
WELL, I AM NOT SURE I AM ABLE TO WRITE ANYTHING SERIOUS.... NOPE!!!!
AAARRRRGGGHHHH!!!!!!! TWAT HAS JUST FARTED!!!!! OURRGGHH!!! WHAT A DELICIOUS
SMELL!!!
THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE AIR
A SMELL SO BLOODY FAIR
I LOVE IT VERY MUCH
IT TIGGLES IN MY CROTCH
OH, IT IS SO NICE
JUST LIKE GETTING 1. PRICE
OH.....
JEPP THE POET!!!!!!! STOP LICKING MY HAND TWAT!!!!!!! IT'S FUCKING
DISGUSTING!!!!!!! HOOKER IS BACK WITH A POEM...
h
SEVEN DEADLY SINS SEVEN WAYS TO WIN SEVEN HOLY PATHS TO HELL
AND YOUR TRIP BEGINS SEVEN DOWNWARD SLOPES SEVEN BLOODIED HOPES
SEVEN ARE YOUR BURNING FIRES SEVEN YOUR DESIRES...
i
IF YOU DON'T KNOW ON WHICH ALBUM THOSE LINES ARE TO BE FOUND, YOU PROBABLY AREN'T
A PHREAK!!! UP THE IRONS!!! I'M LISTENING TO MOONCHILD RIGHT NOW, AND IT'S
GREAT!!! MY MOTHER DON'T LIKE MASTER OF PUPPETS; IN FACT, SHE WAS QUITE ANGRY
WHEN I PLAYED IT FOR HER A COUPLE OF DAYS AGO... (WELL, THE VOLUME WAS ON 8
OUT OF 10; I DIDN'T DARE TO TURN IT UP THE LAST FEW NOTCHES, BECAUSE I FEARED
FOR THE WELFARE OF MY SPEAKERS...) OH!!! JEPP WANTS TO TELL YOU ABOUT SOME
OF THE TUNES ON THIS DISK:
j
"BE ALL...END ALL..." IS AN ANTHRAX NUMBER, TAKEN FROM THEIR NEWEST ALBUM,
"STATE OF EUPHORIA" (A GREAT MOSHING ALBUM!!! IT IS COOOOL!!!!). MY VERSION
IS NOT EXACTLY LIKE THE REAL ONE, BECAUSE I HAD TO DO IT BY EAR (AND I JUST
HAD TO MODIFY IT A LITTLE!!! I COULDN'T HELP IT!!!). "DARK KNIGHT", IS AN AMIGA
VERSION OF A SONG WRITTEN BY ME CALLED "DYBT GO'NAT". THE ORIGINAL WAS MADE ON
A ROLAND SEQUENCER, WITH A D-50, A KORG, AND A ROLAND DRUM MACHINE. IT IS GOING
TO BE IN A SOUNDTRACK FOR A MOVIE WHICH WILL BE OUT SOMETIME NEXT YEAR!!!! "THE
MODEL" WAS ALSO MADE BY EAR, WHICH WASN'T VERY HARD, BECAUSE OF ITS SIMPLICITY.
HERE IS ANOTHER ONE FOR EXTREME: I DO NOT THINK ANYONE CAN MAKE MUSIC
LIKE YOU!!! AND THAT IS INDEED LUCKY FOR HUMANITY!!!!YOUR MUSIC IS... OH GOD,
ANYONE WHO HEARS IT, PUKES!!! OK, ABOUT "PYTTE'S THEME"... I KNOW IT HAS A VERY
VERY SIMPLE TUNE, BUT I THINK IT IS AMAZING HOW MANY VARIATIONS ONE CAN MAKE!!!!
i
OK, ENOUGH BULL FROM JEPP... THIS IS HOOKER, AND I'M THE ONLY ONE HERE (AT
MY ROOM...) TO WRITE A SCROLL... TO THOSE OF YOU WHO'S STILL OUT
THERE, I THINK I'LL TELL YOU A LITTLE BED-TIME STORY, WHICH YOU'RE SUPPOSED
TO WRTIE DOWN AND READ ALOUD TO YOUR CHILDREN... WHAT SHALL I CALL IT???
HMMM... I THINK I'LL CALL IT...
h
"THE MYSTERIOUS AND AWKWARD ADVENTURES OF THE WEIRD PERSON, WHO BY MANY IS KNOWN
AS FRED FARTYPANTS!!!"
i
WELL, I DON'T HOPE THAT I EVER HAVE TO FIT THAT TITLE ON A COVER...
HERE GOES... ONCE UPON A TIME THERE WAS A LITTLE GIRL CALLED
FANNY f
FARTYPANTS f
SHE LIVED WITH HER FATHER (WHO WAS A LUMBERJACK)
IN A BIG AND DARK FOREST... THE FOREST WAS VERY SPOOKY, SO NOBODY EVER WANTED
TO VISIT THEM... ...BUT FANNY'S FATHER HAD A PROBLEM... HE NEEDED A
WOMAN! ...BUT NOBODY DARED TO ENTER THE BIG FOREST, SO FANNY WAS THE ONLY
WOMAN WITHIN A RADIUS OF 59 KM! POOR FANNY... EVERY NIGHT HER FATHER USED HER
TO SATISFY HIS MORE OR LESS (USUALLY MORE) PAINFUL DESIRES!!! ONE DAY, WHEN
FANNY WAS 15 YEARS OLD, SHE SUDDENLY FELT VERY ILL!!! SHE BEGAN TO THROW UP
ALL AROUND THE PLACE...AFTER A FEW MONTHS IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE TO IGNORE: FANNY
WAS PREGNANT! ...BUT IT WAS NOT A NORMAL PREGNANCY...THE BABY CONTINUED TO
GROW, AND ONE NIGHT FANNY EXPLODED IN AN ORGIE OF FLESH AND BLOOD FLYING AROUND,
TURNING EVERYTHING IN ITS PATH TO A DULL AND STICKY SHADE OF RED!!!
HER FATHER'S HEART WAS BROKEN!!! WHO SHOULD COOK HIS FOOD, FULFILL HIS LUSTS
AND WASH UP THE DISHES, NOW THAT SHE WAS GONE??? HE LOOKED AT THE BABY, WHICH
WAS LYING ON FANNY'S BED. AT THE FIRST GLANCE, IT LOOKED LIKE AN ORDINARY BABY,
BUT IF YOU LOOKED IN IT'S EYES, YOU WOULD NOTICE THAT THEY WERE RED... IT
WASN'T A NORMAL SHADE OF RED, NOR WAS IT A KNOWN SHADE OF RED... IT WAS THE
SHADE OF RED, YOU WOULD EXPECT TO FIND INSIDE THE HEART OF THE DEVIL!!! THE
YEARS WENT BY; THE BABY (WHO WAS CALLED FRED) TURNED INTO A MAN, AND ON HIS
EIGHTEENTH BIRTHDAY HE LEFT THE SAFETY OF HIS FATHER'S CABIN, BECAUSE HE DIDN'T
WANT TO WASTE HIS LIFE, YELLING "TIMBEEEEEERRRRR!!!", NOR WOULD HE EVER EAT ANY
MORE RABBIT STEW, WHICH WAS THE ONLY MEAL HIS FATHER COULD MAKE!!! THEY HAD
RABBIT STEW FOR BREAKFAST, LUNCH, DINNER AND DESSERT!!! FRED WALKED FOR
SEVERAL DAYS, AND SUDDENLY HE STOOD AT A CLEARING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FOREST!
IN THE EXACT MIDDLE OF THE CLEARING THERE WAS A COLUMN WITH AN OLD AND
LONG-BEARDED MAN SITTING ON TOP OF IT! HE WALKED TOWARDS THE COLUMN, UNTIL HE
WAS SO CLOSE, THAT HE COULD TOUCH IT. THE OLD MAN LOOKED DOWN AT FRED, AND SAID:
"I'VE BEEN EXPECTING YOU..." THE OLD MAN TOLD HIM THAT HE WAS THE CHOSEN ONE...
THE MAN COULDN'T TELL FRED WHAT HE WAS CHOSEN TO DO; HE COULD ONLY INFORM HIM
THAT HE SHOULD BE CAUTIOUS NOT TO LEAVE THE CLEARING, BEFORE HE GOT "THE SIGN"
FROM THE MASTER... FRED WAS SITTING IN THE CLEARING. HE HAD MADE A SMALL
FIRE, AND HE HAD JUST PREPEARED A SMALL BIRD, WHICH HE'D CAUGHT EARLIER ON THE
DAY. HE BEGAN TO EAT THE JUICY MEAT OF THE BIRD, AND AFTER A WHILE HE'D REMOVED
ALL THE MEAT FROM THE BIRD'S BONES. HE GATHERED ALL THE BONES, AND THEN HE
THREW THEM INTO THE FIRE. AS SOON AS THE BONES TOUCHED THE FIRE, A VERY BIG
SMOKECLOUD ROSE FROM THE CENTER OF THE FIRE! THE CLOUD TOOK THE SHAPE OF A
DEMON, AND IT SPOKE THE FOLLOWING WORDS TO FRED: "YOU HAVE BEEN CHOSEN BY
LEVIATHAN THE MASTER TO FIND AND RETRIVE THE AGIMASTICK f
-AN ENCHANTED
JOYSTICK, THAT GIVES ANYONE WHO PLAYS WITH IT THE GREAT ADVANTAGE OF BEING
IMMORTAL! THE JOYSTICK IS TO BE FOUND IN AN OLD CASTLE, GUARDED BY AN OLD
ARCHMAGE CALLED @@@BRI THE FORGETFUL@@@ BRI ISN'T EASY TO FOOL, AND HE ISN'T
A WEAK ARCHMAGE EITHER! HIS POWERS IS MAGNIFIED WITH A FACTOR OF 1000 AS LONG
AS HE HAS THE MAGNOPEACH; A SMALL, BUT IMMENSELY POWERFUL MAGIC TOKEN. IT WAS
CREATED BY HOOKER THE INVICIBLE, AN OLD AND ETERNAL NECROMANCER, WHICH LIVES IN
THE LANDS BEYOND THE ELVEN TERRITORIES. THE MAGNOPEACH LOOKS LIKE A PEACH-STONE
WITH TWO TOOTHPICKS STICKING OUT FROM IT! YOU HAVE TO REMOVE IT FROM BRI THE
FORGETFUL, OR ELSE YOU WON'T STAND A CHANCE AGAINST BRI THE FORGETFUL'S
ANTI-MEMORY SPELLS! IF HE HITS YOU WITH SUCH A SPELL, YOU'LL LOSE YOUR MEMORY
FOR A YEAR! WITHOUT THE MAGNOPEACH, HIS MAGIC IS USELESS! TO FIND HIS CASTLE,
WALK TOWARDS THE BRIGHTEST STAR ON THE HEAVEN FOR SEVEN DAYS, THEN YOU'LL BE
ABLE TO SEE THE CASTLE!" AFTER THE DEMON HAD SPOKEN THOSE WORDS, IT VANISHED IN
A FLASH (OF THE BLADE, JEPP?) FRED BEGAN TO WALK TOWARDS THE BRIGHTEST STAR,
WHICH ALWAYS WAS VISIBLE ON THE HEAVEN. AFTER A FEW DAYS, HE MET A SMALL
YELLOW-SKINNED DWARF WITH A VERY LONG AND BEAUTIFUL NOSE, WHICH GAVE THE DWARF
A SPECIAL STATUS COMPARED TO MANY OTHER DWARFS. IT SAID: "HELLO, STRANGER!
I'M FROGO BADDINGS, WHY ARE YOU THRESPASSING THROUGH MY BACK YARD WITHOUT MINE
OR MY FRIENDS' PERMISSION?" FRED KNEW THAT DWARVES WASN'T A PEOPLE TO MAKE
FUN AT, SO HE DECIDED TO BE HUMBLE. HE ANSWERED: "MY NAME IS FRED! FRED
FARTYPANTS, THAT IS! I'M VERY SORRY IF I'VE OFFENDED YOU, OR ANY OF YOUR FRIENDS
BY ALLOWING MYSELF TO STEP ON THE SOIL THAT YOU'VE PREPARED FOR PLANTS AND
SPICES! I HAVE NOR BEARD, NOR MONEY; BUT I HAVE SOME BREAD AND A FEW PINTS OF
THE FINEST BEER AVAILABLE, WHICH I WOULD BE VERY HONOURED TO ENJOY IN SUCH
INTELLIGENT AND AMUSING COMPANY AS YOURS!" HE WAS THEN ASKED TO JOIN THE DWARF
AND HIS FRIENDS TO A SMALL PARTY. HE ACCEPTED THE OFFER, AND JOINED THE
DWARVES... HE TOLD THEM HIS TALE, AND THE DWARVES AGREED TO JOIN HIM ON HIS
ADVENTURE! THE NEXT MORNING FRED, FROGO AND THREE OTHER DWARVES CALLED GORDO,
BATGUY & NANOK. THE WALKED FOR FOUR DAYS, AND FINALLY THEY SAW THE CASTLE IN
THE HORIZON. UNFORTUNATELY NANOK WAS ATTACKED BY AN ANGRY FLY, WHICH MADE A
KAMIKAZE-ATTACK ON HIS THROAT, AND HE WAS CHOKED TO DEATH... THE OTHER DWARVES
WAS HAPPY THAT NANOK WAS GONE, BECAUSE HE WAS SO IMMENSELY BORING AND HE DIDN'T
UNDERSTAND ANY KIND OF IRONY. AFTER A FEW MORE HOURS OF CONTINOUS WALKING,
THEY REACHED THE GATE OF THE CASTLE. SUDDENLY THE GATE OPENED WITH A LOUD AND
CREAKY SOUND... A LOUD AND DEEP VOICE SAID: "WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT DO YOU
WANT??? I DON'T LIKE VISITORS!!! LEAVE OR DIE!!!" NONE OF THEM DARED TO
ANSWER, AND FRED JUST ENTERED THE CASTLE. THE CASTLE WAS VERY DARK AND THE AIR
WAS VERY STALE. FROGO SUDDENLY FELT AN URGE TO SIT IN FRONT OF A TV-SCREEN,
WATCHING "A NIGHTMARE ON ELMSTREET PART IV", BUT BECAUSE THE TV/MOVIE WASN'T
INVENTED/MADE YET, IT WAS HOPELESS TO FULFILL HIS WISHES. SUDDENLY A SPELL
CAME FROM NOWHERE AND HIT BATGUY AND GORDO. THEY IMMEDIALTELY TURNED TO STONE.
FRED AND FROGO NOW WAS THE ONLY MEMBERS OF THE PARTY, AND THEY BEGAN TO EXPLORE
THE CRYPTS. AFTER A WHILE THEY FOUND A BIG DOOR AT THE END OF THE CRYPT!
THEY OPENED IT AND ENTERED THE ROOM. IN FRONT OF THEM STOOD A GIANT UNIFAG
(A VERY SPOILED CREATURE...) AND THREATENED THEM WITH A STRAW! FROGO TOOK A
NORMAL ARCADE JOYSTICK AND HIT THE UNIFAG IN HIS BALLS, WHICH MADE THE UNIFAG
VERY UNDANGEROUS. THEY PASSED THE UNIFAG, AND BEHIND IT THERE WAS A BIG THRONE.
SUDDENLY A VOICE SPOKE FROM NOWHERE: "SO, YOU'VE PASSED MY UNIFAG... NOW, SEE
IF YOU CAN PASS MY BRI-SPELLS!!!" THERE WAS A BIG FLASH, AND LIGHTNING STRUCK
BESIDE FRED AND FROGO. "GET THE MAGNOPEACH!", FRED YELLED WHILE HE RAN AROUND IN
DIFFERENT SINE-WAVES, TRYING NOT TO BE HIT. FROGO MADE IT TO THE FOOT OF THE
HIGH THRONE WITHOUT BEING NOTICED, AND HE BEGAN TO CLIMB THE HIGH THRONE WITH
GREAT CARE AND AGILITY. HE FINALLY MADE IT TO THE TOP, AND HE GRABBED THE
MAGNOPEACH, WHICH WAS HANGING IN A NECKLACE, WHICH UNTIL THEN WAS TO BE FOUND
AROUND THE NECK OF BRI THE FORGETFUL. HE PUT THE NECKLACE AROUND HIS OWN NECK,
AND THREW A DEADLY SPELL ON BRI THE FORGETFUL, WHO WAS TURNED INTO A BIRD.
FRED SHOT AN ARROW THROUGH THE BIRD AND KILLED IT. AS SOON IT DIED, THE THRONE
DISAPPEARED (JUST LIKE YOUR WELL-BEING AND HAPPINESS DISAPPEARS WHEN AKEEM,
BROTHER LOVE OR THE SLICKSTER STEPS INTO A ROOM... IT'S POOF! - GONE!) FROGO,
WHO WAS STILL STANDING ON TOP OF THE THRONE FELL DOWN FROM THE NON-EXISTING
THRONE. "NOOOOO!!!", YELLED FRED, AND RAN TOWARDS THE SPOT WHERE FROGO SOON WOULD
HIT. FROGO LANDED ON TOP OF FRED, WHO WAS KILLED! THEN THE AGIMASTICK
MATERIALIZED FORM NOWHERE, AND FROGO LEFT THE CASTLE. HE WAS WALKING MERRILY
ALONG AN OLD AND BATTERED ROAD WHICH SEEMED TO HAVE CHANGED QUITE A LOT...
IT BECAME HOTTER AND HOTTER, AND AFTER A WHILE IT WAS SO HOT THAT HE COULDN'T
BREATHE. HE DIED A FEW MOMENTS LATER, CHOKED TO DEATH... WITHOUT KNOWING
IT, HE'D JUST WALKED ON THE HIGHWAY TO HELL!!! (GREAT TUNE!!!!) WHEN HE
DIED, HIS SOUL WAS TRANSPORTED BY A SPECIAL-DELIVERY DEMON TO THE MASTER
HIMSELF - LEVIATHAN! FRED, NANOK, BATGUY AND GORDO WAS ALREADY THERE, AND
THE MASTER SPOKE: YOU'VE ALL PROVEN EACH TO BE WORTHY ONE WISH! NOW, WHAT
DO YOU WISH, MY LITTLE PETS?!? AFTER A WHILE BATGUY ANSWERED: "I
WANT AN AMIGA!!!" SO DID ALL BUT FRED ANSWER... "NOW, FRED, WHAT IS YOUR
WISH??? ALL YOUR FRIENDS WANTS AN AMIGA, SO I PRESUME THAT YOU ALSO WANT SUCH
A POWERFUL DEVICE TO ENTERTAIN YOU..." LEVIATHAN SAID... AFTER A LITTLE MORE
THINKING, FRED FINALLY MADE UP HIS MIND... "IT IS VERY TEMPTING TO WISH
PLEASURE AND HAPPINESS, AND SO I WILL. I WILL NOT ONLY WISH HAPPINESS FOR ME,
NOR FOR US, BUT FOR EVERYBODY IN THE WORLD!!! I WISH THAT NANOK WILL BE
VERY STUPID AND WON'T BE ABLE TO HAVE ANY REAL "COMPUTER-FRIENDS!" HE SHALL
ONLY BE ALLOWED TO HAVE UNTRUE "COMPUTER-FRIENDS", WHICH WILL LEAVE HIM WHEN HE
HASN'T GOT ANY PROGRAMS TO OFFER!!!" "SO IT SHALL BE!!!" SAID LEVIATHAN,
AND ALL THEIR WISHES CAME THROUGH. OF COURSE, THEY WERE ALL RESTORED BACK
TO LIFE, AND FRED'S WISH CAME THROUGH: IF IT WASN'T BECAUSE HE HAD PROGRAMS
TO OFFER, NANOK WOULD SIT ALONE IN FRONT OF HIS COMPUTER! WELL, THAT'S
IT FOR NOW!!! I HOPE THAT YOU GOT THE MORALE OF MY STORY: CATS WOULD BUY
WHISKAS!!! (THEY DON'T HAVE TO PAY FOR IT...) SORRY ABOUT THE QUICK END
OF THE STORY, BUT I DIDN'T HAVE SPACE TO WRITE MUCH MORE SCROLLTEXT, SO I'LL SAY
BYE FOR NOW... THIS SCROLL IS 24640 BYTES LONG, SO IF YOU FIND ANY SMALL
ERRORS LIKE MISSING SPACES, PLEASE FORGIVE ME... SEE YA NEXT TIME!!!!