scene.org File Archive

File download

<root>­/­mirrors­/­amigascne­/­Scrollers­/­C-Groupstext­/­CyborgPowerSystem/CPS-Hysteria.txt

File size:
34 463 bytes (33.66K)
File date:
2010-08-14 23:04:54
Download count:
all-time: 279

Preview

GOOD TIMESDON"T GO...
CYCLONE II
MY END
MRS.HONEYTRAP
FUNKY NIGHTMARE
BASS ON FIRE
POPCORN
LOAD - DECRUNCH
hysteria:mod.good times
hysteria:mod.don't go...
hysteria:mod.cyclone ii
hysteria:mod.my end
hysteria:mod.mrs.honeytrap
hysteria:mod.funky nightmare
hysteria:mod.bass on fire
hysteria:mod.popcorn-mix by olx



  THIS IS THE NEW INTRODUCTION SONG  -- GOOD TIMES --          I HAD PUT IT ON THIS DISK IN THE 'LAST SECOND', SO NOTHING MORE TO WRITE ABOUT IT...                   COMING SOON FROM CPS:                NOTHING (HE,HE!)      NO, PERHAPS A SLIDESHOW WITH COOL PICCYS MADE BY ME!       AND PERHAPS THE ONE AND THE OTHER DEMO       SIGNING OFF      ** ;@[\]^_ OF CPS **                                         


                               DON'T GO...   >>>       BY OVERLORD X        THIS IS ONE OF MY FIRST SONGS (COMPOSED IN OCTOBER 1989)     BUT I THINK IT'S A NICE ONE! THERE'S NOTHING TO WRITE ABOUT THIS SONG, SO THE SCROLL WILL END HERE...      ;@[\]^_ OF CPS         LOOK OUT FOR OUR LATEST DEMO CALLED "THE STATION" (RELEASED TOGETHER WITH THIS COLLECTION!)     <<<                                        
CYCLONE II     DUUUDELLUUUU YEAH, PUT THE FOLLOWING INGREDIENTS TOGETHER:   A HIP-HOP BEAT, AN ORIENTAL MELODY, SOME EFFECTS AND THEN SHAKE IT, TRACK IT,MOVE IT,BUST IT AND YOU'LL GET:                       - WHAT -     WHAT DO YOU THINK, A FLUEWATUET --- NOOOOO! GIMME ANOTHER TRY... OK, WHAT - MMHHH A GIRLIE...       NO,SORRY (THAT WOULDN'T BE BAD TOO...) SHIT, I GIVE UP! WELL, YOU'LL GET: --CYCLONE II--   COMPOSED BY:            - ;@[\]^_ OF CPS -                                        



JOHN CARPENTER IS A COOL DIRECTOR AND COMPOSER! I LIKE HIS MOVIES AND HIS SOUNDTRACKS! THE SCORE OF THE FILM "ASSAULT ON PREDICT 13 " (OR "THE END") INFLUENCED ME TO COMPOSE THIS NICE SONG CALLED:  -- MY END --   IT'S IN THE ORIGINAL BEAT (AND NOT A LAME DISCO-BEAT). I THINK THIS IS ONE OF MY BEST GOODIES! THANX TO CRYPTOBURNERS ( I USED THE CHOIR-SAMPLES OF TIME-TRAVELER'S SONG "BLUE-STARS". NOTE TO ALL MUSICIANS OUT THERE: CONTACT ME, PLEEZE! HAVE A LOOK AT MY ADDRESS IN THE OLX-LOGO ABOVE THIS SCROLLER.      MY FAVOURITE COMPOSERS ARE: UNCLE TOM, DR.AWESOME, EINSTEIN, WALKMAN, BIT ARTS (TELL ME WHAT SAMPLER HARDWARE YOU'RE USING!), JESPER KYD, CODEX, NIGHTLIGHT (IT'S A GREAT DEMO-SOUNDTRACK IN THE NEW KEFRENS DEMO, INCREDIBLY FUNKY - KEEP ON TRACKIN' !!!!) ...        HAVE A GOOD TIME!  $%&  ;@[\]^_ OF CPS  $%&                                        



             MRS.HONEYTRAP           A SWEET THANG! THIS IS AN AUDIO-BLAST! LEAN BACK AND ENJOY THE SHOW, BITCHES AND CHICKENSHITS!  CLICK!    SORRY FOR OUR FOREIGN FRIENDS, WE ARE NOW SWTCHING INTO THE GERMAN-MODE (I HAVE TO WRITE SOMETHING ABOUT A FUCKIN' LAME MAIL-ORDER HOUSE NAMED "ALCOMP")   AAARRGGHHH! ICH HASSE DIESEN LADEN! DIESER APPELL RICHTET SICH AN ALL DIE LEUTE UNTER EUCH,DIE AB UND ZU EINMAL ETWAS BESTELLEN: WENN IHR ETWAS BESTELLEN WOLLT, DANN TUT DAS BITTE NICHT BEI -ALCOMP-!!!                    ICH BESTELLTE MIR AM 27.07.90 EIN MIDI-INTERFACE ZUM ANZEIGENPREIS VON 89.- DM (HEUTE HABEN WIR DEN 22.08.) SCHOEN UND GUT. ICH WARTE,UND WARTE... UND? DANN KAM ES! (ZUM PREIS VON 99.-DM,DENN ES WURDE EINE VERPACKUNGSGEBUEHR VON  8,50.- ERHOBEN + PORTO!) ENDLICH! ICH KONNTE ES KAUM ERWARTEN, LUD SOFORT DEN NOISETRACKER 2.0 UND FING AN ZU SPIELEN... EINFACH WUNDERBAR! ABER DANN...      SO, DACHTE ICH, JETZT MOECHTE ICH DEN SYNTHIE 'MAL ANSTEUERN. GESAGT, GETAN. ODER AUCH NICHT! DAS INTERFACE WAR KAPUTT! DIE OUTPUT-LED LEUCHTETE STAENDIG UND ICH KONNTE DEN SYNTHIE NICHT ANSTEUERN! ALSO RIEF ICH BEI ALCOMP AN, ZITAT DES VERKAUEFERS 'DA MUSS WOHL EIN IC DURCHGEBRANNT SEIN,SCHICKEN SIE DAS INTERFACE ZURUECK, WIR WERDEN ES UMTAUSCHEN.' GUT, ALSO SCHICKTE ICH ES ZURUECK (PORTO: 5.- DM SO LAG ICH DANN SCHON BEI 104,50.- (WAHNSINNSPREIS: 89.- DM ( TEXT DER ANNONCE! ).  JETZT WARTE ICH SEIT 3 (IN WORTEN:DREI!) WOCHEN. ABER MAN MUSS JA AUCH BERUECKSICHTIGEN, DASS ES EIN SEHR SCHWIERIGES UNTERFANGEN IST, SO EIN GERAET UMZUTAUSCHEN... DER WEITE,LANGE UND GEFAEHRLICHE WEG INS LAGER USW. OK, ICH HAB' JETZT KEINE LUST MEHR MICH AUFZUREGEN, ALSO, ERST EINMAL GUCKEN UND DANN BESTELLEN! GELLE? WAHRSCHEINLICH DARF ICH JETZT NOCH EINMAL PORTO+VERPACKUNG BEZAHLEN, DANN BIN ICH WIRKLICH AN EINEM WAHNSINNSPREIS ANGELANGT: 113.- DM!!!!   ;@[\]^_ OF CPS                                        



DARKNESS ALL OVER THE WORLD, THE SKY TURNED INTO DEEPEST BLACK, THE RIVERS ARE FILLED WITH BLOOD, THE FLAMES OF A TERRIBLE HELLFIRE ARE LICKING ON THE EARTH... AND SUDDENLY YOU SEE    -IT-  A LARGE THING WITH A BLOODY KNIFE IN ONE OF HIS HANDS, THE OTHER HAND IS HOLDING AN AXE WHICH IS REFLECTING THE HORRIBLE FLAMES. YOUR WHOLE BODY IS SHIVERING-   RRRRIIINNNGGG! RRRIIINNNGG! THE BELL IS RINGING, YOUR ALARM-CLOCK STRIKES 8:50 AM! YOU ARE NOW IN SAFETY, YOU ARE FLED FROM YOUR DREAM.   BUT IT WAS A NARROW ESCAPE!   YOU HAD A    - FUNKY NIGHTMARE -                 THIS TIME YOU COULD ESCAPE FROM YOUR DREAM, BUT WHAT ABOUT THE NEXT TIME - HE,HE,HE...      IT'S SO GROOOVY, SO HIP IT! DO YA LIKE MY INTRODUCTION FOR THIS SONG.  I THINK IT'S A WORK OF ART (JUST KIDDIN') THAT'S ALL!                                          ;@[\]^_ OF -CPS-                                        



BAAASSSS! HOW LOW CAN YOU GO...      -BASS ON FIRE- IS THE ANSWER! DO YA LIKE PUBLIC ENEMY - I DO! (I'M THE ONLY ONE IN CPS, AND I CAN TELL YOU, THAT THIS FACT IS A REAL SHITTY THANG!) YO FELLAS, I THINK YOU WILL LIKE THIS SONG. UURGH, I HATE SCROLLIES, BUT I'M FORCED TO WRITE SOME LINES FOR EVERY SONG! THE RADIO IS PLAYING SHIT,THE FRIDGE IS EMPTY,I HAVE TO WRITE SCROLLIES,I'M ALONE AT HOME,NO SWEETS,NO GIRLIES,OUR NERVE-SHATTERING DOG IS TORTURING MY NERVES (HE WANTS ME TO TAKE HIM FOR WALKIES, BUT IT'S SO F**KING COLD OUT THERE. THE DOG HAS TO WAIT... BUT HIS EYEBALLS ARE ALREADY TURNING YELLOW!     I WILL HAVE TO GO NOW, BEFORE IT'S TO LATE!        OH, OH GOD  - NOO  -       BAMM! SPLASH!! THE DOG BURST WITH A BIG BAMM!     MMMHH, I THINK I HAVE TO CLEAN UP MY ROOM NOW, SO BYE,BYE!      ... WHAT A CRUEL WORLD...          #  ;@[\]^_ OF CPS  #                                        



POP IT!      - POPCORN-MIX -   YEAH, THE WELLKNOWN SONG IN A NEW VERSION. THIS SONG WAS NOT(!) COMPLETELY MADE BY ME!!! I RIPPED THE SONG FROM AN OLD "RIGOR MORTIS"-DEMO, BUT I CHANGED THE INSTRUMENTS AND INSERTED EFFECTS,A NEW RHYTHM AND SOME NEW PATTERNS. I THINK YOU GUYS WILL LIKE IT! SOME PERSONAL GREETZ: HI TO DARYL/APEX (THANX FOR THE OFFER. I WILL ASK THE REST OF US!), HURRICANE/LINK (I SENT YOU A LITTLE PACK! IF YOU LIKE IT, WRITE BACK!), ALBI, NOWI (THE EVIL HORDE LEADER - HA!HA!HA!), MOONWALKER, MOM + DAD (FOR FATHERING ME!), PETRONELLA, SHARON STONE, X-BASS, AND TO THE CODER OF THE KAWAI K1-EDITOR (THANK YOU!)   $%&   NOTE TO ALL MIDI-MUSICIANS:  -- CONTACT ME! --        ;@[\]^_ OF CPS                                        





SOME INTRODUCTION WORDS BY AMIGA TRACER:  PLEASE DO NOT MIND ALL THOSE SMALL BUGGIES I WASN'T ABLE TO REMOVE IN TIME (ESPECIALLY IN THIS SCROLLY - I HAVE NOT READ IT ONE TIME...)                     YOU GRAB THE KEYS AND RUN. THE NEXT CORNER IS NOT VERY FAR AWAY. YOU STILL HEAR THE SOUND OF 110 HORSES PACKED INTO A CAR. YOU SEE HEAR THE BIG WHEELS SQUEAL. THE DRIVER PREPARES FOR A KICK START. YOU STILL RUN AND RUN. YOU SEE THE LIGHTNING-IN-CIRCLE LOGO IN FRONT OF THE CAR. IT'S COMING CLOSER AND CLOSER. STILL TEN METERS TO GO. NOW YOU CAN SEE THE WIDE EYES OF THE DRIVER APPROACHING YOU. WITH A LAST JUMP YOU FLY AROUND THE CORNER. THERE IT IS: YOUR STEAM-ROLLER. YOU JUMP INTO
 THE COCKPIT, INSERT THE KEYS, START YOUR 500 PS ENGINE AND ROLL AROUND THE CORNER. A HEAVY BANG AS YOU ENTER THE FRONT OF THE CAR. NOW YOU CAN SEE THE SENTENCE AT THE UPPER EDGE OF THE FRONT-WINDOW: "MANTA-B CLUB". YOUR SATISFACTION ARISES AS YOU SMOOTH THE PLATE. YEAH! AFTER PASSING THE CAR YOU STOP THE ROLLER AND WATCH BACK. THE ONLY THING YOU CAN SEE IS THE LEFT ARM OF THE DRIVER HANGING OUT OF THE WINDOW (OR WHAT IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN BEFORE) WITH A BIG TATTOO ON IT: "OPEL FAH'N IS WIE WENNZE FLIECHST". AGAIN YOU HAVE WON. YOU TAKE A LAST PICTURE WITH YOU POLAROID AND LEAVE THE PLACE. AGAIN A MANTA-DRIVER HAS BEEN A VICTIM OF YOUR        --- HYSTERIA ---     YOU LEAN BACK AS YOU ENTER YOUR VW-BEETLE SWITCH ON THE RADIO AND LISTEN TO THE RADIO PLAYING THE AMAZING TUNES OF A GREAT MUSICIAN CALLED     --- OVERLORD X ---     YOU PUMP UP THE VOLUME AND KICK THE GAS, YOUR 211 PS PORSCHE CARRERA MOTOR IN THE BACK OF YOUR 1965 BEETLE TAKING YOU AWAY FROM THE PLACE OF CHAOS.                        WHAT TOMCAT JUST INTRODUCED YOU TO IS A NEW KIND OF LIFESTYLE IN TODAY'S WORLD... LET ME NOW DEDICATE THIS NEW CPS PRODUCTION TO ALL PEOPLE IN THE 'MOVEMENT AGAINST PSEUDO-SPORTCOUPES' -- LASS' UNS DIE ASSELN PLATTMACHEN!                    OK, WOULD YOU KINDLY TAKE YOUR BREATH SPRAY AND 'PFFFFT....PFFFFT'. THERE IS SUCH A TERRIBLE SMELL FROM THE MONITOR.   NONSENSE.   I NEED THE ORIGINAL WOK PAN. WITH FOURTY STICKS AND SOME USEFUL TOOLS.          BAH, STOP IT!  ICH MACH' JETZT 'N 77 SUNSET STRIP UND DANN IS' SCHLUSS MIT LUSTIG...           AND AGAIN OVERLORD X! I'M SO DAMN HAPPY! WHY? O.K. I'LL TELL YOU THE REASON: MY FIRST MUSIC-COLLECTION IS RELEASED NOW! WE HAVE TO CELEBRATE IT! AS YOU YOU PROBABLY NOTICED: YOU CAN CHOOSE A SONG BY MOVIN' YOUR MOUSE. AND IF YA WANNA HEAR IT, PRESS YA LEFT MOUSE-BUTT(ON), FURTHERMORE YOU CAN READ SOME INFORMATIONS ABOUT THE CHOSEN SONG BELOW THIS SCROLLER. THE CREDITS: CODING BY     ***AMIGA TRACER***              MUSIQUE AND GRAPHIX BY     ***OVERLORD X***  THIS COLLECTION SHOULDN'T BE A "REAL" DEMO! 'COZ THE CODER OF THIS COMPACT (ATR) SAYS, THAT THE CODING ISN'T SO GREAT ( I LIKE IT! ) HE IS PLANNING A "REAL" DEMO, AND I THINK IT WILL BE GREAT! NOTE TO DARYL OF APEX (YES AGAIN!) : WE'LL ASSUME THE OFFER! NOTE NR.2: I'M STILL WAITING FOR YA PACKAGE! WE HAVE A SURPRISE FOR YOU! A BONUS-SCROLLER, 17 KB FILLED WITH BRAINLESS BULLSHIT (WARNING! YOU HAVE TO BE A TOUGH GUY IF YOU WANNA SURVIVE 17 KB OF PURE SHIT!) THE BONUS-SCROLLER WAS WRITTEN ON ABSOLUTELY CRUEL COMA MEETING! A MEETING WITH AN UNBELIEVABLE STRONG COFFEE CALLED "MUELLER'S KILLER COFFEE" (READ THE BONUS FOR DETAILED INFORMATIONS!). DO YA KNOW "KAMPF-SCHWEINE?" (ABGERICHTETE MEERSCHWEINCHEN!) OH,SHIT! THE SCROLLY TURNS VERY STRANGE! SO I'LL START TO SMASH DOWN OUR  HYSTERIAL SHOCKS TO:   
  *ACTIVE*   *ABAKUS*   *ACTION*   *ALIVE*   *ANIMATE!*   *ANIMATORS*   *APEX*   *ARCANE*   *BOUNTY*  *BRAINSTORM*   *CAVE*   *CELESTE*   *CELTIC*   *COMPLEX*   *CRUSADERS*   *CRYPTOBURNERS*   *D-MOB*   *DESASTER AREA*   *END OF CENTURY*   *FLASH PRODUCTION*   *FRAXION*   *HUMANOIDS*   *IMAGE*   *KRISTOFFER LASSEN*   *MASTER CREW*  *MEGA POWERS*   *PEGASUS*   *PHAZE 101*   *POSSESSED*   *PROLOGIC*   *SLIPSTREAM/KREATOR*   *SMASH*   *SUN CONNECTION*   *SYSTEM-5*   *THE CULT*   *THE GIANTS*   *THE LINK*   *THE SPECIAL BROTHERS*   *TRADE*   *TRAX*   *TRISTAR*   *UNICA*   
    OKAY, THAT'S IT, NOW GET READY FOR THE ULTRA-COOL AND MEGA-DRUNKEN - THE SILLIEST SCROLLTEXT YOU EVER READ: FROM THE CPS COMA MEETING APRIL '90 (PLANNED FOR A NEVER RELEASED DEMO)...          5     -     4     -     3     -     2     -     1     -     0     SCROLLTEXT COMING UP:                         OKAY, IT'S SOME HOURS LATER NOW, I JUST RETURNED FROM A PARTY IN THE 'SCHLACHTHOF' OF BREMEN. IT HAS BEEN QUITE NICE. NEARLY ALL MEMBERS OF CPS WERE THERE (AMIGA TRACER, SUICIDE, MASSACRE AND, OF COURSE, ME - TOMCAT), SO IF I'M TALKING SOME STUPID SHIT NOW, THAT'S JUST BECAUSE OF THE BOOZE ON THE PARTY, SO PLEASE EXCUSE ME. RIGHT NOW, I'M SITTING IN FRONT OF MY AMIGA AND RIGHT OF ME THE TV IS RUNNING WITH A NICE TV-PROGRAM CALLED 'TELE 5'. IN THESE LATE HOURS, THERE'S ONLY MUSIC IN THERE. RIGHT NOW THEY'RE BRINGING 'HARD 'N' HEAVY'. COOL STUFF! THE GERMANS HAVE VOTED THE BEST GROUP, GUITAR-PLAYER, BASS-PLAYER, DRUMMER AND SINGER. SOME OF MY FAVOURITES HAVE RECEIVED SOME REALLY HIGH RANKINGS, LIKE SKID ROW, BON JOVI (I KNOW SOME OF YOU PEOPLE OUT THERE REALLY DON'T LIKE THEM, BUT I REALLY DO. I SAW THEM LIVE IN OLDENBURG LAST YEAR AND I CAN TELL YOU: THEIR SHOW IS REALLY AMAZING!), IRON MAIDEN AND (OF COURSE) THE GREATEST GROUP EVER SEEN:    GUNS N' ROSES. UNFORTUNATELY THEY DIDN'T GET TO A FIRST PLACE. HIGHEST RANKING OF THEM WAS 3RD. HMM, WHAT TO WRITE NOW. LET'S TALK SOME GERMAN SHIT!   KENNST SCHON MEINEN FREUND ACHSEL?!? MIT BESTEN GRUESSEN AN RED SECTOR. IMMER NOCH AM TOTENKOPFFAHNE WEDELN? HAUPTSACHE SPASS GEHABT!! ABER WAS SOLLS, 'N BISSCHEN SCHWUND IS' IMMER. OH MANN, ICH BIN JA ECHT GEISTREICH, WENN ICH BESOFFEN BIN (ODER BIN ICHS GAR NICHT) - NA JA, ES WAR'N JA NUR 'N PAAR MISCHUNGEN UND 'N PAAR BIERCHEN.    WELL, BACK TO ENGLISH (FOR ALL THE FOREIGN PEOPLE READING THIS PISS). LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING. BUT WHAT? I DON'T KNOW. PERHAPS SOME HOURS LATER. TO BE EXACTLY: AT 7 PM AT MASSACRES PLACE, WE'RE GONNA CONTINUE THIS SCROLLTEXT AND I HOPE, ATR IS READY WITH THE DEMO 'TIL THEN.                        HMMM, THIS IS ATR, NOW AT MASSACRE'S. RIGHT NOW IT'S 5.55 AM IN THE MORNING. WELL, WHAT SHALL I SAY - THE DEMO IS STILL NOT FINISHED, BUT WHO MINDS??? THERE ARE STILL SOME TROUBLES WITH INTERRUPTS AND LOADING ROUTINES, BUT I'LL FIX THEM TOMORROW (TODAY ?) OR WHENEVER.           
  ANYWAY, TODAY'S (YESTERDAY'S ?) MEETING WAS SUPPOSED TO CREATE SOME CRAZY LINES FOR THIS SCROLLER. YOU WANT TO KNOW, WHAT WE SPEND THE 11 HOURS BETWEEN 7 PM (THURSDAY) AND 6 AM (FRIDAY) ON?     OK - WE WERE WATCHING SOME NEW STUFF FROM 7 TO 11 PM. INBETWEEN I TRIED TO CHECK OUT THE INTERRUPT HANDLING OF THE 68000, BUT I STILL DIDN'T GET WHY THE AMIGA WAVES GOODBYE WHEN LEAVING AN INTERRUPT ROUTINE WITH 'RTE'! BUT ENOUGH OF THAT. THEN WE SPENT ONE AND A HALF HOUR ON DOING NOTHING BUT WATCHING STUPID VIDEOS. AND ON 1 AM, WE BEGAN PLAYING TV SPORTS BASKETBALL (GREAT STUFF, REALLY). ALSO A BOTTLE OF THE GOOD OLD SOUTHERN COMFORT WAS BROKEN (DA WUSSTE ICH JA NOCH NICHT, DASS FAST DER GESAMTE INHALT IN TOMCAT'S UND MEINEM BAUCH VERSCHWINDEN WUERDE - AN SICH FUEHL ICH MICH JETZT NOCH ZIEMLICH GUT, ABER ICH SITZE JA AUCH NOCH...) THERE WERE SOME HARD BASKETBALL CONTESTS BETWEEN MASSACRE, TOMCAT AND ME. WAEHREND MASSACRE SEIN EIGENES TEAM 'HASSFRONT 90' BEVORZUGTE, SPIELTE ICH MIT VORLIEBE MIT DEN L.A.LAKERS. TOMCAT VERSUCHTE DERWEIL MIT VERSCHIEDENEN MANNSCHAFTEN, UNS ZU BEZWINGEN, WAS IHM SCHLIESSLICH GEGEN MICH AUCH GELANG! SO'N SCHEISS ABER AUCH...          OK, WE CONTINUED PLAYING BASKETBALL UP TO 5.55 AM, AND THAT'S IT.         BUT NOW I WANT TO PUT MY MIND TO THE REALLY EXCITING BREAKFAST TV PROGRAMME FROM RTL PLUS, CALLED 'THE MUNSTERS'  ---  NO, SURELY JUST KIDDING.      BUT IT'S DAWNING OUTSIDE, AND BECAUSE OF THAT I WILL LEAVE QUICKLY TO WATCH A BEAUTIFUL SUNSET!       FUCK THE SUNSET, GO TO THE CAN, ATR! THIS IS TMC BACK AGAIN. I REALLY LIKE TO TELL YOU THAT THE 'SOUTHERN COMFORT' IS TAKING HIS TASK REALLY SERIOUS. IT IS THE SECOND NIGHT I'M NOT GOING TO BED BEFORE 6 O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING. LAST NIGHT I RIPPED THE INTROSONG OF THIS DEMO (GREENBERET) AND THIS NIGHT I SPENT ON PLAYING TV SPORTS BASKETBALL. MASSACRE AND AMIGA TRACER DIDN'T HAVE THE COURAGE TO PLAY WITH DIFFERENT TEAMS, BUT I HAD! MASSACRE RIGHT NOW SAYS 'I PLAYED WITH THE LAKERS', BUT I CAN TELL YOU, HE JUST DID THE WRONG CHOICE, 'CAUSE LAKERS WERE PLACED BEYOND HIS 'HASSFRONT 90' (HATEFRONT 90?) AND SO HE PRESSED THE FIRE-BUTTON TOO EARLY AND GOT LAKERS! OKAY, I TOOK ORLANDO, NEW YORK AND BULLS AND I CAN TELL YOU THAT THE BULLS ARE REALLY GREAT. I FUCKED UP THE FUCKING LAKERS OF AMIGA TRACER TWO TIMES!!! BUT BACK TO THE BOOZE! THE SOUTHERN IS EMPTY NOW, ONLY ATR'S GLASS HAS SOME CENTILITERS IN IT AND IF HE RETURNS FROM THE CAN, I THINK HE WILL PUSH THEM IN HIS FACE (IF HE DIDN'T FALL ASLEEP ON THE TOILET - WE REALLY THINK SO - HE'S THERE FOR 15 MINUTES RIGHT NOW!!!). HEY, GOLLE, SUNSET'S OVER NOW, COME BACK!!! ATR, 'SOUTHERN' IS CALLING!!!   I'M GONNA DRINK IT!   ...AND BACK HE IS!!!   BUT NOW I'M ASKING THE CPS MEMBERS: 'DO YA WANNA WRITE?!?' 'NO!' 'NO!' 'NO!' 'YEAH!' 'NO!' 'NO!' STOP THERE WAS A 'YEAH!'. OKAY, SUICIDE'S GONNA TAKE MY PLACE, HE REALLY PULLS ON MY TROUSERS TO WRITE SOME CRAP. HEY, LET IT GO MAN:      HEY, GUYS ! I HAVE TO TELL YA THAT IT ISN'T TRUE THAT I'M 'GEIL' IN WRITING BUT NO ONE ELSE WANTED TO WRITE ! SO I HAD TO DO MY  DUTY. I'M NOW SINCE 12 HOURS AT MASSACRE'S. THE TIME BETWEEN 2 AND 3 O'CLOCK AND THE TIME BETWEEN HALF PAST FIVE TO SIX O'CLOCK I FELT VERY SLEEPY. BUT NOW, I'M GONNA VERY ANGRY BECAUSE ALL THESE LOOSERS AROUND ME ARE  CRYING FOR THEIR MOTHERS TO PREPARE THEIR BREAKFASTS. ATR IS ASKING HIMSELF IF HE SHOULD RING UP HIS MOTHER OR NOT. NOW, WE ARE WATCHING 'RAW DEAL'  THATS THE FILM WITH ARNIE SCHWARZENDREGGER!!!
 I'M LOOKING IN THE ROOM AND THE ONLY THING I'M ABLE TO NOTICE IS THAT ALL THE BOTTLES ARE EMPTY!!!  OUTSIDE, THERE IS THE DAYLIGHT AND ITS A QUARTER TO SEVEN O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING. NOW, WE ARE WATCHING 'HANGMEN'. I DON'T KNOW THIS MOVIE BUT WE  ARE STILL WATCHING THIS BULLFUCK. FROM YESTERDAY TO TODAY WE WATCHED THE FOLLOWING MOVIES: 'EVIL DEAD 1' - 'YOUNG GUNS' - CHEECH & CHONGS 'NEXT  MOVIE' - A PART OF 'RAW DEAL' AND NOW WE ARE WATCHING 'HANGMEN'. BETWEEN THESE MOVIES WE LOOKED SOME MUSIC VIDEOS, SOME AUSTRALIAN FOOTBALL (IT'S QUITE A CRUEL GAME BUT I LIKE CRUEL GAMES !). ATR PUTS HIMSELF ON THE COUCH (CANAPE OR SOFA) BECAUSE HE FELLS VERY SLEEPY. BUT NOW I WANT TO CONVINCE THE OTHER MEMBERS OF CPS TO COMMIT SUICIDE. THEN WE ARE THE 1ST GROUP IN SCENE WHO WILL ENTER IN THE HISTORY OF FREAKS AS THE COOLEST. I   THINK THAT WE WILL DO IT BECAUE TO BE COOL MEANS TO BE EVERYTHING FOR  US !!! BUT NOW, I THROW THIS KEYBOARD AWAY BECAUSE I WANT TO THROW MY  RIGHT FIST INTO TMC'S DIRTY FACE. RIGHT NOW, ATR'S MOTHER IS RINGING UP HERE TO ASK IF HE IS ALL RIGHT !!! HE GOT A LITTLE BIT TROUBLE. AND ALSO TMC CALLED HIS MOTHER. HIS MOTHER ASKED HIM 'SEID IHR BESOFFEN ?!?' 'NOO, WE AREN'T' TMC AS FAST AS POSSIBLE AND AS CLEAR AS POSSIBLE BUT I THINK THAT HIS MOTHER DIDN'T BELIEVE HIM BECAUSE THIS BULLFUCKER IS VERY DRUNKEN. NOW, I REALLY WILL GIVE THE KEYS OVER TO SOMEONE ELSE ... HEY, HEY, HEY! IT'S OF COURSE FUCKIN' TOMCAT BACK AGAIN! I CAN TELL YOU THAT THE STORY WITH MY MOTHER IS
 TRUE. BUT SUICIDE TURNED THE STORY ROUND A LITTLE BIT. MY MOTHER REALLY ASKED IF WE'RE DRUNKEN, BUT ONLY, BECAUSE SUICIDE WAS HANGING ON THE DOORSTEP, CRYING SOME UNDEFINED NOISES, SHOUTING LIKE AN ANIMAL! AND SO, WOULDN'T YOU THINK THAT ALL THOSE PEOPLE AROUND ARE FILLED WITH THE BEST STUFF, YELLING INTO THE PHONE LIKE MAD!  OH GOD! FOR THAT HE BLASTED SOME HEAVY DUST RIGHT INTO MY FACE, REALLY!!! FUCK YOU SUICIDE!!! ATR JUST HITS SUICIDE WITH MY (MASSACRE)  BASEBALL-SLUGGER. BUT SUICIDE STROKE BACK WITH A BUTTERFLY-KNIFE. OH MY GOD. GALLONS OF BLOOD RUNNING OVER THE FLOOR. SORRY, NOT GALLONS . . BARRELS. TOMCAT JUST SHOWING HIS DICK. QUITE SMALL ISN'T IT. HIS REAL DICK. OR NOT?!? JUST KIDDING!                             AARGH! SUICIDE HAS GOT THE WEAPON (WE'RE TALKIN' 'BOUT THE BASEBALL SLUGGER) - I GOT MY WEAPON, TOO. IT'S CRAWLING OUT OF MY TROUSERS!!! -        BUT IN THE TV, IT'S EVEN BETTER! FREE BODY CULTURE IN THE FOREST! SKINNED PEOPLE TIED UPSIDE DOWN TO THE TREES AND SUCH CRAP...         BUT WE DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT SENSE AND NONSENSE OF THIS TEXT, WHILE SUICIDE'S JUST YAWNING THE GERMAN NATIONAL ANTHEM. BUT NOT IN THE MEANING OF PATRIOTISM.               MASSACRE WAS JUST DOING THE PEPSI TEST (TM - REGISTERED TRADEMARK), AND HE WAS REALLY ABLE TO TASTE THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN COLA AND WHISKY.      YES, YOU'RE RIGHT! THERE'S STILL A FULL BOTTLE OF JIM BEAM IN THE FRIDGE. JUST TO DRINK  IT BEFORE 9 O'CLOCK - HEHEHE!                 TOMCAT JUST SUPPOSED TO GO HOME AND PRACTISE FOR THE FINAL MATHS TESTS IN SCHOOL. BUT IT'S HOLIDAYS. DON'T SPEND JUST ONE THOUGHT ON IT, TMC!              DO YOU KNOW ABOUT DOWNFUCKED CHINESE PEOPLE? WATCH PREDATOR FOR BETTER RESULTS...   BUT IT'S MASSACRE'S SLUGGER. NOW GET A MOVE ON, KEYBOARD!!                       TOMACT WANTS TO TURN OFF THE COMPUTER,  BUT WE DON'T WANT IT. HE LOOKS UP FOR 'FUCK' IN A ENGLISH/GERMAN  DICTIONARY. AMIGA TRACER WANTS TO HAVE 30 SECONDS OF SLEEP.  WAHHHHHH. RUUUUUUEEEEEELLLLLLPS !! THIS IS FRIENDLY SUICIDE AGAIN. IT'S NOW HALF PAST SEVEN AND THE SUN IS SHINING SINCE ONE MINUTE. HERE WE ARE INTO THE ASYLUM FROM BREMEN. MANY NON-GERMANS ARE RUNNING AROUND  HERE. WE CALL THEM NON-GERMANS AT ALL. NO RACISM !!! THIS TEXT BECOMES MORE AND MORE LONGER !!! NOW SOME NICE HELLOS TO INGOLF LOKEN & RONNY H. HOLLEVIK. ALSO SOME COOL HELLOS TO THE GUYS OF RSI, AVOID, CELESTE & APEX! ... NOW I'M LEAVING AGAIN ...                            WHATDYASAY? YOU'LL LEAVE? UND DAS JETZT, WO WIR GRAD SO SCHOEN NAPALM DEATH HOEREN? ABER GANZ IM ERNST: DID YOU EVER THINK OF BUYING THE SINGLE VERSION OF 'YOU SUFFER'? LESS THAN ONE SECOND OF BEST NAPALM DEATH MUSIC! OR WHATDYATHINKA 'DIAMONDS AND RUST' - THE EXTENDED VERSION FROM S.O.D., LASTING 2 (IN WORDS: TWO!) SECONDS.    I PROMISE YOU - ALL WE NEED IS MUSIC SIX WILL CONTAIN MORE THAN FIFTY SONGS FROM THE BEAUTIFUL NAPALM DEATH AND S.O.D. - OFCOURSE IN CD QUALITY! CPS - WIR BRINGEN EUCH DIE BESTE MUSIK DES PLANETEN (ODER: WENN DIE PAUSEN LäNGER ALS DER SONG DAUERN).               NEBENBEI, OLF HAT GERADE DEN NEUEN REKORD IM KüRZESTEN KLOGANG AUFGESTELLT. IST JA AUCH SCHON ZEHN VOR ACHT. PREDATOR IST JETZT AUCH SCHON FAST AM ENDE. IRGENDWAS MUESSTE MAN JA NOCH MACHEN... WHAT ABOUT LOOKING FOR SOME NEW STUFF AT THE POST OFFICE?     ODER LASST UNS 'NE RUNDE ZUM BAECKER GEHEN - HAHAHAH !                   TRALLALI, TRALLALA, TOMCAT IS' JETZT WIEDER DA! OR IN ENGLISH: TRALLALY, TRALLALAIN, TOMCAT IS NOW BACK AGAIN! HMM, ANYWAY. ATR IS REALLY BECOMING STUPID, HE TALKS ABOUT THE THEORY OF SIGMUND FREUD, A (STUPID) SWISS PSYCHOLOGIST!       BUT LET ME TELL YOU, WHAT WE SWALLOWED THIS EVENING:    SIX BOTTLES OF GREATEST GERMAN BECK'S BEER (WITH THE BEST REGARDS TO MY FRIEND ZONZO! DID YOU EVER TASTE IT?), THREE BOTTLES OF KARAMALZ (BEER WITHOUT ALCOHOL, BURPS!), TWO PACKETS OF CRACKERS, NEARLY SIX PACKETS OF SALT STICKS (I'M GONNA PUKE OVER SUICIDE B'COZ OF THEM SOON!), ONE PACKET OF GUMMIBAERCHEN, ONE PACKET OF APPLE-RINGS, A BOTTLE OF SINALCO'S CITRO, THREE BOTTLES OF PUPSI-COLA AND ONE BOTTLE OF THE REAL COKE! DID I FORGET SOMETHING???               THE SOUTHERN!   GOD, I FORGOT OUR DEAR SOUTHERN!!!  COULD YOU EVER EXCUSE ME?  BY THE WAY, I ALSO HAVE TO SEND AN EXCUSE TO MY FRIEND JIM BEAM AND OF JACK DANIEL. SORRY, I DIDN'T DRINK YOU TODAY!    OH, MAN! WARUM IS DER DUMME HOLGER NICH NOCH GEBLIEBEN ABER DAS KLEINE BUEBILI MUSSTE JA SCHON UM ZEHN INS BETT...    ABER SPASS BEISEITE: SCHADE EIGENTLICH!         WE'VE NOW WRITTEN ABOUT 180 LINES OF SCOLLTEXT (APPROX. 120 KBYTE  -  SORRY, 12 KBYTE, HIHI!)   AND I DON'T THINK IT SHOULD STOP NOW SO C'MON, TAKE IT OVER, OVER, OVER, OVERLO, OVERLORD? NO, HE'S NOT HERE! HE'S IN BED! NOBODY WANTS TO WRITE - PREDATOR IS TOO EXCITING! HEY, GUYS, HELLO, TOMCAT HERE, HELLO, HEY, FREIBIER, FREIBIER, FREIBIER!!       NO REACTION! REALLY NO REACTION!   HOW CAN THREE PEOPLE BE IN SUCH AN DELIRIUM THAT THEY DO NOT WANT TO WRITE SCROLLTEXTS?       BUT NOW, HERE'S THE NEWS:     MASSACRE RETURNED FROM THE CAN AFTER 13.6 SECONDS! MY RECORD IS GONE! OH NO! IF YOU WANT TO TAKE PART IN THE WORLD'S FIRST AND BIGGEST TOILET-GOING-COMPETITION, SEND YOUR LETTERS TO THE FOLLOWING ADDRESS:             SVEN GOLCHERT          LISSAER STR.12         2800 BREMEN 21          WEST GERMANY          ONLY PEOPLE WITH LESS THAN THIRTY SECONDS WILL BE TAKEN! OF COURSE YOU CAN WRITE TO THIS ADRESS FOR SWAPPING (LEGAL STUFF!!!) OR SENDING MONEY 'CATCHWORD: COOKIES FOR CPS', TOO. IF YOU'RE INTERESTED, WRITE! BUT PLEASE INCLUDE A DISK, 'CAUSE 'NO DISK, NO ANSWER!'. ENOUGH STUFF FROM TMC. I'M GONNA HANDLE THE STUFF OVER TO SOMEBODY ELSE. NO, NO I DON'T WANT, I DON'T WANT TO WRITE! AMIGA TRACER WANTS COFFEE.  SO I (MASSACRE) HANDLE THE KEYBOARD OVER TO SUICIDE.        YO, PALS! MASSACRE LIED BECAUSE IT WAS ME WHO WANTED TO HAVE SOME COFFEE !!! IT'S NOW 25 MINUTES PAST EIGHT O'CLOCK. I'M FEELIN' VERY COOL AND FRESH BUT THE OTHER LAMERS OF OUR GROUP ARE STILL VERY TIRED AND WANT TO GO TO BED! SOME SPECIAL GREETINGS TO OLX OF CPS WHO WENT AT HOME AT 11 O'CLOCK PM  BECAUSE HIS PARENTS WOULD BE VERY ANGRY IF HE WILL ARRIVE AT HOME VERY LATE AND HE HAD NO KEYS FOR THE FLAT SO HE HAS HAD TO LEAVE US VERY EARLY. IN FACT, HE DOESN'T KNOW THAT WE'RE WRITING THIS TEXT KNOW. WE ARE WRITING THIS TEXT SINCE 2.5 HOURS !!! IN A FEW MINUTES WE ARE GOING TO THE NEAREST  BAKERY TO GET SOMETHING REAL TO EAT. THEN WE WILL GO TO THE POST AND WILL HAVE A LOOK HOW MANY PACKETS OF POST ARRIVED TODAY. 20 ? 50 ? 100 ? WE DO NOT KNOW. LET'S HAVE A LOOK !!! IN FACT, I WILL GIVE THE KEYZ OVER TO  SOMEONE ELSE OF CPS. IT' MASSACRE AGAIN, STILL WATCHING PREDATOR. 10 CUBS OF COFFEE ARE IN WORK, FOR FOUR NEARLY DEAD GUYS.           MASSACRE'S ALREADY GONE AGAIN... SAID THAT TWO CUPS SHOULD BE READY BY NOW. PREDATOR HAS COME TO AN END, TOO.    ICH SACH NUR - GEGENWAERTIGER STAND: TREND     ABER JETZ IS DER KAFFEE DA. ALSO NIX WIE RUNTER DAS ZEUG...         JUNG, JUNG - DAS IST ABER EIN STOFF.   DA FLATTERN DIE OHRLAEPPCHEN! UND DAS NICHT ZU KNAPP. WIR SIND DIE ABSOLUTEN UEBERFLIEGER.  UND DAS BEI EINEM SECHSER-DREIERPASCH...  SIND JA AUCH DIE MELMAC-WUERFEL!  MIT FREUNDLICHEM GRUSS AN ALF.    ABER VERSUCH DU 'MAL, MIT DREI WUERFELN HOEHER ALS DIE DRITTE QUADRATWURZEL VON 179 ZU KOMMEN.    ABER NICHT SO POLITISCH....       JUST FOR OUR ENGLISH-SPEAKING FRIENDS: WE'RE NOT  INTERESTED IN ANY KIND OF THE JACKSON CLAN.            OAAAH, BEI DEM KAFFEE KRISSTE JA ZUSTAENDE! DA ROLLEN SICH DIE FUSSNAEGEL HOCH.    DA LACHT DAS HERZ, DA HUEPFT DER BLINDDARM.                      DAS HANDGEFERTIGTE ZUBEHOER GEHOERT NATUERLICH SELBSTVERSTAENDLICH ZUM WOK DAZU. INKLUSIVPREIS 125 DM. FOR DETAILED INFORMATION CALL (0)40/30 20 16.  BINNEN ZEHN TAGEN IST DIE RUECKNAHME DES WOKS GARANTIERT. IF YOU'RE INTERESTED IN THE LATEST OFFER OF 'TELESHOP', CALL (0)781/85 11. DIE HAENCHENSCHLEGEL WERDEN RUNDHERUM KNUSPRIG: BESTELLNUMMER 273 - DIE HEISSLUFTPFANNE FUER 49 DM.      FUER 59 DM GIBT'S UNTER BESTELLNUMMER 219 DIE VOLLAUTOMATISCHE ALARMANLAGE MIT 'AUS-FUNKTION'.       FUER  UNSERE DICKEREN FREAKS GIBT'S AUCH DEN BAUCH-WEG-GUERTEL: NR.286, UND DAS FUER GANZE 39 DEUTSCHMARK. ZUM SELBEN PREIS GIBT'S DIE PLATZSPARSCHIENE UNTER NUMMER 284.     WENN SIE TELESHOP ANRUFEN, NENNEN SIE BITTE GANZ DEUTLICH IHREN NAMEN.    OR WRITE TO THE POSTBOX ADDRESS, BUT I FORGOT IT.       THAT'S IT FOR TODAY - NOW WE HAVE 'VIDEO NONSTOP' ON AIR.               JUST A MOMENT - TOMCAT REMEMBERED THE TELESHOP-ADDRESS:      OUR LAMER-CONTACT ADDRESS IS:      TELE-SHOP      POSTFACH      7600 OFFENBURG        BEST-GERMANY                                OH MAN - TMC MACHT GRAD DEN  VORSCHLAG, UNSER NAECHSTES MEETING ZUR KNOBI-FETE ZU MACHEN... SUICIDE LECHZT JETZT SCHON NACH GIROS PITA. NA, UND WENN RED SECTOR ZUR  NAECHSTEN PARTY DIE TOTENKOPFFAHNE SCHWENKT, KOENNEN WIR DANN WENIGSTENS DIE KNOBLAUCHFAHNE WEHEN LASSEN - IST AUCH WAS FEINES...    IM MOMENT WEHT HIER AUF JEDEN FALL DIE SCHNAPSFAHNE!                  DREI PUNKTE SIND AUF JEDEN FALL AUSDRUCKSSTAERKER ALS EIN ',ODER', ODER WIE WAR DAS JETZT...          NEE, DA MUESSEN WIR JETZT ERSTMAL 'NE GRUNDSATZDISKUSSION DRUEBER FUEHREN..., ODER ?       WO WIR GERADE DABEI WAEREN - DER KAFFEE IST SO STARK, DA SPRINGT SOGAR DER LOEFFEL RAUS!                RIGHT NOW IT'S TWELVE PAST NINE, AND SUICIDE AND MASSACRE RING ON OVERLORD X. BUT HIS MOTHER IS AT THE PHONE AND WILL WAKE HIM UP...        'M O I N, H O L L E !!!'                         WHAT NOW? 'NU GEIHT DAT ABER LOS. DER ULTIMATIVE OVERLORD X IST IM ANROLLEN. VERZIEHT SICH ERST, UND WILL DANN WIEDER DABEI SEIN...                   JETZT KRIEG ICH ABER DEN KACKSTIFT. ECHT - WENN DIE ZWEI MOOSBRöTCHEN NICHT GEWESEN WäREN! UND DIE MILCH ERST! AUF EX!            ICH MöCHT JA ECHT NICH WISSEN, WIEVIEL SCHEISS ICH JETZ GESCHRIEBEN HAB'... ALSO DANN, AMIGA TRACER GIBT JETZT ERST MAL DEN LöFFEL AB.   IN ENGLISH:   AMIGA TRACER GIVES NOW FIRST TIME THE SPOON AWAY.      CUL8ER !!!!!                         UND DIESE BIENE, DIE ICH MEINE, DIE HEISST MAJA ! MAAAAAAAJAAAAAAA! AEHM ! SORRY. THIS IS SUICIDE WRITING. IT'S 20 MINUTES PAST TEN IN THE  MORNING. WE ARE ALL VERY ACTIVE AGAIN. NO ONE FEELS SLEEPY ANYMORE. THE COFFEE TAKES ITS PART. WE ARE WATCHING 'POLICE SQUAD 2'. IT'S QUITE COOL BUT THE MOVIE 'NAKED GUN' IS THE BEST OF THESE MOVIES. ABER MAL IM ERNST: DIE ANDEREN AUS CPS SIND ALLES VERSOFFENE ASOZIALE. ICH BIN DER EINZIGE, DER EINIGERMASSEN NORMAL IST. ICH BIN COOL, DOCH DIE ANDEREN SIND LAME.  SIE MACHEN NUR EINEN AUF COOL. DASS SIND HIER DIE LETZTEN SCHLEIMER. DIE WOLLEN ALLE IMMER NUR DAS EINE: PFURZEN !!! UUH ! DAS STINKT HIER !!! DAS  IST JA ECHT SCHLIMM. HILFE !!! AHH! ENDLICH HABE ICH AUCH MAL DEN DUFT DER  GROSSEN WEITEN WELT VERBREITET !!! DOCH DIE ANDEREN WOLLEN AUCH WAS  SCHREIBEN. ALSO, BIS DANN DANN!!!  ICH SCHON WIEDER (JA LEUTE, SCHON WIEDER MASSACRE). WAS IST, HE AMIGA TRACER, TOMCAT UND SUICIDE. LUSST AUF 'NE RUNDE TV BASKETBALL?  ALSO, TOMCAT SACHT: FICK DIR INS KNIE, SUICIDE! SABBEL NICH, LUTSCH! DER EINZIGE SPADDEL, DER IN CPS RUMHäNGT IST NäMLICH UNSER DICKER, FETTER 'JABBA THE HUTT' SUICIDE!    BUT I THINK ALL THOSE FOREIGNERS STILL READING WOULD BE VERY PLEASED IF WE START WRITING ENGLISH AGAIN. LET ME TELL YOU A LITTLE JOKE (SUICIDE AND ME HEARD IT ON THE MARILLION CONCERT IN BREMEN STADTHALLE).    THERE WAS A COUPLE LIVING IN A SMALL HOUSE IN A LITTLE SUBURB OF A BIG CITY. ONE EXTRAORDINARY DAY, A NICE U.F.O. LANDED ON THEIR GARAGE. OUT OF IT CAME (NO NOT ALF!) A NICE ALIEN COUPLE. THE EARTH COUPLE FELT VERY TIRED MAKING LOVE TO THE SAME PARTNER EACH NIGHT, SO THEY DECIDED TO HAVE SEXUAL INTERCOURSE WITH THE SPACE COUPLE. SO THE EARTH-WOMAN WENT TO THE BEDROOM WITH THE ALIEN-MAN. THEY PULLED OUT THEIR CLOTHES AND WHEN THE EARTH WOMAN SAW THE PENIS OF THE ALIEN, SHE COULDN'T HELP LAUGHING. IT WAS ONLY 2 CENTIMETERS LONG AND HALF A CENTIMETER THICK. 'WHAT'S THAT?', THE WOMAN ASKED AND SO THE ALIEN STARTED TWISTING HIS RIGHT EAR AND EVERY TIME HE TWISTED HIS EAR HIS DICK GREW BY 3 CENTIMETERS - AND HE TWISTED IT 12 TIMES. 'HMM, AND WHAT ABOUT THE THICKNESS?' - THE ALIEN STARTED TWISTING HIS LEFT EAR AND EVERY TIME HE DID IT HIS TOOL BECAME THICKER BY 1.5 CENTIMETERS - AND HE TWISTED IT 6 TIMES. 'NICE, REALLY NICE!' THE WOMAN NOTICED. AFTER THAT THEY MADE LOVE THE WHOLE NIGHT. THE NEXT MORNING THE SPACE COUPLE LEFT THE EARTHIES, WHO STOOD A LONG TIME WAVING THEM GOODBYE. SUDDENLY THE MAN ASKED HIS WIFE: 'DID YOU ENJOY SLEEPING WITH THE ALIEN?' 'I REALLY DID, IT WAS THE BEST FUCK I EVER HAD IN MY LIFE, BUT WHAT ABOUT YOU?' 'WELL, NICE TOO. BUT AFTER A MINUTE SHE STARTED TWISTING MY EARS LIKE MAD...' HE REPLIED.         NICE ISN'T IT? CPS MEANS THE JOKE IS A LITTLE BIT SILLY, BUT ANYWAY, SUICIDE AND ME LIKE IT AND THAT'S THE MAIN THING! HIER KOMMT KURT! OHNE HELM UND OHNE GURT! QUATSCH... HIER KOMMT HOLGER MMHHH AUCH NICH' OH MEIN GOTT, WER KOMMT DENN JETZT ? JA, ICH GLAUBE... NEIN, DAS KANN NICHT SEIN. ODER? ES IST EINFACH UNGLAUBLICH. JA ER IST ES!    OVERLORD X ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !  SORRY FOR THIS GERMAN BULLSHIT- INTRODUCTION. YEAH, HERE I'AM AT 12:00 AM. AND I CAN SAY, THAT THE  MEETING IS COOOOL. IT'S A BIG JUMBLE AT MASSACRE'S. HUNDREDS OF EMPTIED BOTTLES INSIDE HERE.MMHHH, A NICE WHIFF! I THINK I NEED A MOUTH-TO-MOUTH-RESUSCIATION! BUT, IF I SEE THE BELCHING GUYS INSIDE HERE SCREAMING AROUND LIKE OLD CROTCHETS, I GOT ENOUGH !  WHAT DO YA THINK ABOUT MY MUZAKS? TJA, JETZT SITZ ICH HIER 'RUM. MIT EINIGEN TOTAL VERSOFFENEN SCHWACHKOEPFEN DIE SICH GERADE UEBER DIE HEIM FAHRT VON DER ACCESS-LEVEL 4-AVOID PARTY UNTERHALTEN. NA, SCHON 'NE WOK- PFANNE BESTELLT? CONTACT ME :   WRITE TO:          HOLGER LAFFERENZ       AUF DEN HAEFEN 96                  2800 BREMEN 1          OR CALL:           0421/75597              ONLY LEGAL STUFF!       AND NO LAMERS!                      IF YA WANNA SWAP HOT LEHAL STUFF, WRITE TO:                OLIVER KELLNER                      WALLER HEER STRASSE 242          2800 BREMEN 1           OR CALL:   0421/381533  DO YA REMEMBER? ONLY LEGAL STUFF!!!!!!                  WO WIR DOCH GERADE BEI WOKPFANNEN SIND: WENN IHR 'N BISSCHEN MEHR INVESTIERT, DANN IST VIELLEICHT AUCH 'NE ELEKTRISCH BEHEIZTE DRIN...    'MODELL DELUXE' MIT FOLIENTASTATUR UND SPRACHSYNTHESIZER. DIE  SCHALTET SICH DANN AUCH GANZ VON SELBST AN UND AUS. DAS GANZE WIRD VON VIER MULTIPLEN 3BIT-RISIKO-PROZESSOREN GESTEUERT. OPTIONAL IST AUCH EINE 17-FARBEN-TRANSPUTERKARTE ERHAELTLICH, DIE EINE GLEICHZEITIGE ANSTEUERUNG VON BIS ZU FUENF WOKS ERLAUBT, WAS DIE GARZEITEN ERHEBLICH VERKUERZT.        VOULEZ VOUS COUCHEZ AVEC MOI?         HEY GUCK MA DEN DA - HEY GUCK MA DEN DA - HEY GUCK MA DE, GUCK MA DE, GUCK MA DE, GUCK MA DEN DA!            DER HAT JA 'NE NASE!  MITTEN IM GESICHT!  UND DANN HAT ER AUCH NOCH ZWEI OHREN!  DER IST JA EIN PHAENOMEN, DER MANN!                BY THE WAY: THE GREETINGS WILL APPEAR AT THE END OF THIS CRAPPY TEXT.         SIEHT ABER BESTIMMT GUT AUS, WENN DER KERL AUF DEM HOCKER SITZT...  EIN GöTTLICHER ANBLICK!       MORZARELLA ALA CAMPRESE             DA FLIEGT MIR DOCH DAS BLECH WEG!                            WER DAS LIESST, DER MUSS ECHT . . .  GOLLE, AEH ATR ERZAEHLT GERADE VON DEN SACHEN DIE ER  N I C H T   KANN. HEE ATR REICH MIR MAL DIE FUSIONSBLAETTER RUEBER. JETZT  KAPIERT KEINER MEHR WAS! HE, WAS IST DAS DEN FUER EIN SCHALTER?  HMMM, MAL SEHEN WAS PASSIERT!       -KLICK-     OH! A FLASH!   NO, NOT ENGLISH, I WANNA WRITE IN GERMAN. BUT     BUT   I DON'T REMEMBER ANY WORD OF THE GREAT GERMAN LANGUAGE. STOP  WAIT JUST A MOMENT: 'SAUERKRAUT' IS A GERMAN WORD, ISN'T IT? SUICIDE'S HERE AGAIN (OH NOOOO ! OR ?!? ...) HANG ON YOUR HEAD, TOM DOOLEY, HANG ON YOUR HEAD AROUND. GET YOUR KICKS ON ROUTE 66 ON A SUNDAY,  BLOODY SUNDAY. BUT THE QUESTION IS 'WITH OR WITHOUT' YOU ?!?  LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. THIS SUICIDE'S SERIOUS PART. I WANT TO GREET MY MOTHER AND MY FATHER. I ALSO GREET MY DEAD DOG, UND DA WIR GERADE BEI DEN GREETINGS SIND, END !!! - BYE FOR NOW -