a doctor claw of crusaders production 1990!
Did you know that.. Dr.Claw coded this program? Guess who made the music !!! Dr.Awsome
and FleshbrainAnd who made all the anims?None otherthan...... Rusc!! Hi to all friends of
Crusaders! I vote for the EuroChart!
Hey Folks.Im Calvin Look mom! I'm on TV Ey Up Dig This! Groovy....Far Out!! Mi-Cro Con-Cept YO! Stay Cool
End of another Crusaders Production....Doctor Claw(Ivar Hagen),Appelgrand 5,15168 SODERTALJE,SWEDEN....
C NOTE TO PUBLIC DOMAIN DISTRIBUTORS
AThis music disk may not be distributed by any so-called
A"non profit" Public Domain distributors, unless the
Adevelopers, Crusaders Productions Norway, are consulted
Aand allows this. We do not approve of the way these
Acompanies make a living on our hard work, without us
Areceiving a penny or even being asked first.
AIf you wish to include this disk in a PD library or sell
Athis disk for money (regardless of how much), then get
Ain touch with Crusaders Productions at the address below
Aand get it cleared with us first.
AWe have no intention of making any money on this disk,
Ait is meant for all Amiga owners to enjoy for free. It
Amay and should be freely copied, as long as no money is
Ainvolved. It's time the semi-serious Public Domain
Acompanies stop ripping off the real NON-profit
Adevelopers. Who said piracy?
AIf you choose to neglect this message and still sell
Athis disk for money behind our backs, then with our next
Adisk we will have to make sure you don't, by opening the
Ascrolltext with a very impressive collection of obscene
Awords, to make sure anyone selling it gets in trouble.
C WE ALSO URGE OTHER GROUPS TO INCLUDE THIS MESSAGE
C IN THEIR PRODUCTS.
C WE GOTTA STICK TOGETHER
B (C) 1990 CRUSADERS PRODUCTIONS
A- "W H A T T I M E I S I T ? ? ? !"
B- "It's music disk time, Dr.Awesome..."
A- "Well pinch my private parts! Does that mean I have to
A write another scrolltext..?"
B- "I'm afraid so..."
A- "Oh shit... Well, better get down to it then.."
B- "Slow down - maybe you should try to come up with a
B title for the disk first.."
A- "Title, yes we need one, don't we... Uhh.. how about
A 'Micro Concept' ?"
B- "It's ok i guess, but it's not H*I*P enough if you see
B what I mean.. Break up the words, and let's see what
B that makes.."
A- "Hmmm.. Ok then: 'MI-CRO CON-CEPT' - is that hip
A enough for you then?"
B- "Sure is... Well should we get started ?
A- "Right, but hold on a second will you? Who's gonna do
A the dirty work then eh?"
B- "Well I figured you and Fleshbrain could do the music,
B and if we ask nicely, maybe Dr.Claw will do the code
B for us... And then we can add some graphics from Rusc
B and Bustman - that's about all we need really.."
A- "Yep, sounds good to me - well, flash the lights,
A break out the beer and the women - here we go!!!!"
A - - -
BThe above conversation was overheard in the local pizza
Brestaurant a few weeks ago. The result is what you see
Bbefore you -
C MI-CRO CON-CEPT
AControlling this Con-cept is really very simple - all
Ayou need to do is press the F-key for the song you want
Ato hear, and use your up/down arrow keys to control the
Atext page. That's all there's to it. Easy, eh?
AAnd if you want to play the game in window right of
Athe animation use your arrowkeys on keypad. (2,4,6,8)
AThe point is to move the blocks around and create a
Apicture of Calvin. (Just like the one in the animation!)
ARight, if you couldn't find the "hidden" credits section
Ain the conversation up there, here are the credits, in
Amore of a standard format:
AORIGINAL DESIGN AND CON-CEPT : DR.AWESOME
AMUSIC : DR.AWESOME AND FLESHBRAIN
ACODE : DR.CLAW
AGRAPHICS : RUSC AND BUSTMAN
ASCROLLTEXT + GENERAL BULLSHIT: DR.AWESOME
BMoral and technical support:
ACommodore Computers Inc.
AAmiga Freelancers (ProTracker)
AKaktus & Mahoney (Noisetracker)
ATristar + RSI (Noiseplayer)
AG. Clinton & Parliament Funkadelic
AMike Robertson (MBBS)
AThe Coca Cola Company
BDr.Awesome says hi to:
AMartyn Brown Paul Harris
ARon Fonteine Seb Lentfert
AAllister Brimble Vad (Vadder Vaddest) & Andy
ATobias Richter Rico "Beanbag" Holmes
ABrian Postma Robert Troughton
AStefan & Ann Andreas Korzinsky
A at Foursfield Matthew Simmonds
ATor-Egil Braseth Havok & Big Al / Ecstacy
ABlair & Grant Marc "Panther"
A in New Zealand Rob Koenen
AWiseguy/Triumph Johannes Norrmann
BDr.Claw says hi to:
ARastan / Skid Row Mogwai / Defjam
AZin / Metallians Dr.Zero
APal Gjerde BatMan
ARattler / Unit One
CFleshbrain says hi to all Finnish Amiga freaks !!
ABefore we go any further, let's have today's first joke,
BThe recently wed husband gives his new wife some short
A"If you want to have sex, pull my willie once. If you
Adon't want to have sex, pull it 300 times."
CNaughty one. :-)
BA FEW MESSAGES
ARico: I heard you broke your leg in Sweden, and didn't
Ahave an insurance. Talk about a fate worse than death!
AStranded in Sweden with a broken leg! Hohoho
ARon: Where were you, eh? Better luck next year - Thanks
Afor TME but I didn't like it (to say the least). Looking
Aforward to the new series of PD disks, and I'd love to
AVad & Andy: Keep a case of Newkies ready for us - and a
Acouple of steaks. But not the small ones we had last
Atime - this time we're going for the 64oz'er! Hehe -->
Athanks for a good time! (Oh and Martyn too.. :)
AAllister: Nice getting to know you. See you next year
ATobias: Thanks for nice cooperation - looking forward to
Aseeing your anim-video!
AHavok + Big Al: Nice meeting you - see you next year. Hi
Ato Conqueror too. And those guys from Silents Sweden...
ATa for the tickets guys!
BOK, just a quickie in here:
A"Will you loan me $20.00 and only give me ten of it?
AThat way, you will owe me ten, and I'll owe you ten, and
Awe'll be even!"
C Sort that one out!
AYou are most welcome to get in touch with Dr.Awesome for
Aprofessionally done music for your game or demo.
AExperience is good, speed is guaranteed and prices are
B Write to:
A BJORN A. LYNNE, FREELANCE MUSICIAN
A KROKEN 9
A 2010 STROMMEN
A OR PHONE ME ON +47 6 817041
C** NOTE : NO ILLEGAL SOFTWARE! NO "SWAPPERS"! **
BContacting the crusaders for any other business can be
Bdone at the following address:
A PO. BOX 45
A 1474 NORDBYHAGEN
A Or call one of our boards in Norway:
C WHQ "Home Sweet Home" - +47 6 810881
C - +47 6 810864
C Golden Gate - +47 42 46718
APete and Jim got married at about the same time, and
Adecided to go to the same place on their honeymoon. The
Atwo couples booked into the same hotel, with rooms right
Anext to each other. Well the night went by and they both
Adid what they're supposed to do on their first night -
Aand they did it all night long. In the early morning
Ahours, Jim was standing on the balcony, having a
Acigarette after the night's exercises. Pete showed up as
Awell, on the other balcony. Pete was curious about how
AJim had done, so he said:
A- "How's your wife then?"
A- "Oh, she's in the bed, smoking.."
A- "Smoking?? Shit, mine's only a bit sweaty..."
A - - -
AAll right all right - I know that wasn't a very good one
A- blame Dr.Outtasight though. It was his joke. We'll see
Aif we can dig up something better for the next one.
AThe songs on this music disk were composed over quite a
Along period of time. Of course the two composers have
Adone much more music besides these few tunes during this
Atime, but some has been used for demos, some for games,
Asome for music competitions, slideshows, disk mags
Aetc. - plus we already have enough songs ready to
Arelease another music disk tomorrow if we should wish
Ato. And maybe one the day after... But it's always nice
Ato have a few tunes "in stock", just in case something
Ashould turn up.
AWell well well well well. You know, this is music disk
Anumber ... let's see... 8 from Crusaders. And as far as
AI can remember, I've written the scrolltext for every
Aone of them.. No wonder I'm running out of stuff to
Awrite! And many more music disks will follow - as long
Aas we enjoy making them. It's just this godforsaken
Ascroller... Ok so this isn't really a "scrolltext", but
Ait's basically the same. I wonder why no one has thought
Aof this before - I mean the text display. I personally
Afind it a lot better than the old scroller - with a text
Adisplay like this, the reader (yes you) can decide his
Aown reading speed, and stop it whenever he feels like
Ait. No more booting the disk 5 times to write down an
Aaddress. No more headaches from reading twisty
Ascrollers. We hope more people will use this kind of
A"scrolltext" in the future!
AAll Noisetracker users might be interested to hear that
AAmiga Freelancers, Norway, have come up with a version
Athat beats all other Soundtrackers and Noisetrackers.
AIt's called PROTRACKER, and offers all the possibilities
Aof Noisetracker 2.0 (except for the sampler) and loads
Aand loads of more functions. Everything is improved -
Athere are several new pages in ProTracker, like the
Ahelp-pages, the edit-op pages, advanced sample handling,
Amixing, boosting and filtering, a setup screen, great
Anew improved disk operations page etc. etc. etc. etc.
BFor further info about ProTracker, write to:
A Amiga Freelancers
A Bekkelivn. 10
A 2010 Strommen
C Or get in touch with Amiga Freelancers on
C our "Home Sweet Home" BBS
B Ladies and gentlemen
B T H E N E W S B I T
AHere's your chance to read about the most important
Athings that have happened in and outside the Amiga scene
CPS! some of the news can only be classified as "rumours"
Cand we cannot guarantee that they are true! Read on, and
A- Theatre and Network will hold an Amiga conference in
A "Tandberghallen" near Lillestrm at xmas-time.
A Rumours say 750 persons are planning to come.
A- Eccentric rock group "Random" reaches the very top of
A Strommen's hit-lists with new super hit single "Hold
A Upon Me".
A- The Crusaders HQ BBS passed the magic 1000 users
A milestone. Number of active users is now approx.
A- Candy Dulpher & Funky Stuff played Rockefeller Music
A Hall, Oslo, and did GREAT.
A- Graphics artist Tobias Richter will make a Star-Trek
A video - using only Amiga animations!
A- Grant & Blair (New Zealand) filmed themselves sitting
A in front of the camera, supping beer and talking
A about everything and nothing. Then they sent the
A video tape to the Crusaders.
A- Dr.Outtasight said "no thanks" to some food.
A- Some guys in Finland held a disco, using only Amiga
A- Sten Bech, bass player in eccentric rock group
A Random, fell down the stairs with the bass guitar
A around his neck, causing it to break in half.
A- U.G.A. (United Graphics Artists) will hold an artist-
A conference in Holland. You need an invitation to get
A in - it is only for specially invited artists.
A- The Crusaders actually COMPLETED a demo, thanks to
A- Allister "Demon" Brimble tasted Newcastle Brown Ale
A for the first time, and decided to get drunk on Rum &
A Black! (Which he also did.)
A- Next issue of the EuroChart, #8, will be out 1st of
A January 1991. (However, it might be released at the
A Theatre/Network party a few days before.)
A- Dr.Awesome bought a video camera and completed a full
A length artistic motion picture during the 1st day.
A The movie featured Dr.Outtasight and Lazerbrain as
A main actors - it will be shown only on closed circuit
A and will never be available to the general public.
A- Crusaders are working on a Noisetracker -> Music-X
A converter program.
A- Eccentric rock group Random had to cancel one
A rehearsal due to lack of bass guitar.
A- Crusaders are working on a good old-fashioned,
A intriguing adventure game! Plot: Dr.Outtasight &
A Fleshbrain. Code: Fleshbrain. Music: Dr.Awesome &
A Fleshbrain. Graphics: Bustman. This work is however
A still in the early stages.
A- The Official Crusaders EuroChart Top Ten had it's
A one-year celebration issue in November 90. Number of
A votes counted for the Nov.90 issue: 402.
A- P.Man is a new member of Crusaders. Yster and
A Savatage are no longer members of Crusaders.
A- Protracker version 1.1 from Amiga Freelancers will be
A available at about x-mas time 1990 - maybe a little
A later. It will (of course) be even better than 1.0.
A- During the last few months, lots and lots of software
A developers have gone bust, partly due to piracy. This
A means less games on the market..
A- Raven/Crusaders bought a new hard drive - the
A Crusaders Golden Gate board now runs with a 100meg
A- A new diskmag called Nordic News will soon be available in
A Norway. It will NOT be a "cracker/scene-mag", but a
A serious mag that will be sold in the shops. The idea
A is to give NDM some competition.
A- Dr.Awesome is seriously considering moving to the UK.
A In that case, his activities with Crusaders will
A dramatically decrease.
A- A new ST emulator is available. This one uses both
A software and hardware and is 100 % compatible. Isn't
A it strange, that the Amiga can emulate all other home
A computers - but NO other computers can emulate the
A Amiga.. Victory!
A- Roxy Music released a live album.
A- Dr.Outtasight glued Sten Bech's bass guitar - Random
A are back on their feet.
A- Crusaders are thinking about maybe adding a news-
A section, like this, into the well known EuroChart.
A How does "EuroNews" sound ?
A- Eccentric rock group Random will soon record their
A first self-directed music video.
AAt the local sports-centre, a bet was going on... All
Athe guys agreed to take the finest girl in the place, a
AREAL sex-bomb, and cover her up completely in sun oil,
Aso she became real greasy and slippery... Then they
Aagreed that the guy who could pick this girl up, hold
Aher, and carry her home, he could do whatever he wanted
Ato her... The girl agreed too, so the bet was on!
AWell, all the guys tried to hold the girl, but no matter
Ahow hard they tried, the girl just slipped out of their
Ahands - she was just too greasy. They tried and tried
Aand tried... NO ONE could do it - they were almost ready
Ato give up...
A..but then a bowling player came along.
B / E U R O C H A R T \
B / \
B / Have you remembered to vote for the \
B / Official Crusaders EuroChart Top-Ten ? \
B | If not, then grab a pen, write down your votes, |
B | and send them today, to this address: Crusaders, |
B | "Chart", Po Box 45, 1474 Nordbyhagen, Norway |
B \ Or if you have a modem, call any of our boards /
B \ and vote directly on-line ! /
B \ /
ABill had tattooed the name of his girlfriend on his old
Awillie. The name of the girlfriend was "Wendy", so when
Ahis willie was non-erected, you could only see the
Aletters W and Y.
ABill was in the military service together with a big
Ablack guy - and once in the shower, he noticed that the
Ablack guy had WY on his dick too! Bill asked:
A- Hey - are you in love with Wendy too?
AThe black guy looked down and said:
A- No mahn. This here says "Welcome to Zimbabwe. This is
Ayour lucky day."
BECES SHOW 1990 + ENGLISH COUNTRYSIDE VISITED BY VIKINGS
AFor those interested, here's our "UK report - as seen by
A3 suspect looking Norwegian computer freaks". That means
Ayou Martyn, Al, Ron, Vad, Andy, and the friendly lot at
Athe pub. (Most of who can actually say "I wouldn't mind
Alicking your purse" in Norwegian...)
AWe arrived at Gatwick, London, 4 days before the show
Aactually started. With loadsamoney to spend and record
Astores that were open most of the night, we had no
Aproblems killing time. We met the Ecstacy lot and some
ASwedish dudes from Fairlight (I think) and Silents (I
Athink) on our 2nd day there, and had them amuse us with
Asome impressive karate shit (most of them ending up
Aflatface on the ground) and trips to the arcades. Our
Ahotel room was a DUMP so we stayed out of it as much as
Apossible. I can only name safes falling off the walls,
Acupboards smashing to the floor once you touched them, a
Awoman waking us up at 10 am every day to literally throw
Aus out, no elevator, and stairs that would f**k*ng kill
Athe average non-fit computer freak. (Luckily, we are
Atuff vikings and could just handle them) :-)
AOn the first trade day of the show, thursday I think, we
Amet Martyn Brown and Allister Brimble, and went to the
Ashow with them. We were supposed to meet Ron Fonteine
Athere as well but being the saucy fellow he is, he never
Amanaged to find us - probably due to the fact that we
Awere supposed to meet him at the "Lamb & Flag" pub
Adownstairs, but on this show, there WAS NO downstairs.
AMe met a lot of other people though - Martyn seemed to
Aknow EVERYone in the hall and had to go for a beer with
Amost of them. He even had to drink most of the other
Aguys' beers, due to them not showing up etc. Tough shit
AThe show itself was a bit of a letdown. Being only half
Athe size of the old PCW Show, there wasn't all that much
Ato see. The most impressive stands were held by
ACommodore (of course), Ocean, U.S.Gold and Gremlin (the
Alast mentioned not so much for the stand itself but for
Athe gorgeous girls giving away flyers etc. Dr.Outtasight
Aused up a whole roll of film on them. One of them told
Ame that I looked a real hunk with their silly Gremlins
Ahat on, but Dr.Outtasight refuses to believe that. :)
AAnyway, for us musicians, the most interesting things at
Athe show was Roland's "Band-in-a-box" package (It WAS
ARoland wasn't it..?). At the moment it's only available
Afor the ST but they are making the Amiga version right
Anow so it should be out early next year. This was
Asomething completely new in MIDI tools, and I'm
Adefinitely getting one when it is finished. You could
Aget it with a sound module - or just the software, if
Ayou already have one or more synths. I also managed to
Agrab hold of Music-X for only 59 quid which is VERY
Acheap. The prices varied from 59 up to about 180
Apounds - only at the show! Who would want to buy a
Asoftware package for 180 quid, when you can walk 20
Ameters and get it for 59 ? We were also told that
AMicroIllusions are working on Music-X II, which should
Ablast aside all competition, and I find that easy to
Abelieve, seeing as how Music-X already is the best
Apackage out there.
AApart from that, the show was games, games, games and
Amore games. The Amiga was the obvious no. 1 computer
Aaround - it was on more stands than any other computer
Aor games console. And then there were turtles. And more
Aturtles. After 3 days walking about London and the ECES,
Ayou're guaranteed to have Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Aup to your neck and beyond - they're EVERYWHERE - even
Aincluding a couple of full-size turtles jumping about -
Amen dressed up in silly turtle costumes.. If I ever so
Amuch as see a turtle again... We also met Robocop,
Aanother guy dressed up in a costume. He smiled nicely to
Athe camera and walked on, looking a bit of a twat
AWe were at the show both of the trade days - it got
Aboring the 2nd day. We even showed up for a little while
Aon Saturday, the first of the public days, but the place
Awas absolutely STUFFED with kids, we couldn't breath, so
Awe got the hell out of there.
AThere wasn't really a lot of big NEWS to see at the
Ashow. A few games of course, but nothing that could
Areally capture interest, the exception being "Band-in-
Aa-box" which I mentioned. Oh and there was one more
Athing worth mentioning - full-size arcade machines with
Ajoysticks etc. that you could hook up to your Amiga and
Aplay Kick Off or Battle Squadron on a real standing-up
Aarcade. You could get two versions - one with a big
Aarcade-screen built into it, and one without a screen,
Abut with a hole in it, which fitted the 1084 monitor. I
Adon't really know whether this was something brand new,
Abut it was the first time I saw them. Well, as an
Aoverall, it seemed like people were there to sell, sell,
Asell, sell - even on the trade days. I wouldn't
Arecommend people going a long way (like from Norway)
Ajust to see the show. Mind you, we're probably going
Anext year again, not only because of the show, but to
Ameet friends etc. And when we're going over anyway, we
Amight as well go when the show is on.
AWe met surprisingly few guys from the "scene" - people
Ain other groups etc. This is probably (partly) due to
Athe fact that we weren't there a lot on the public
Adays. And even if a lot of groups were there when we
Awere, it's not easy meeting people when you don't know
Awhat they look like etc. I mean, we didn't go around
Ayelling "We're from Crusaders - here we are!!!!". The
Agroups I can remember seeing/talking to were Ecstacy,
AAnarchy, Quartex, Fairlight, Silents, Share & Enjoy.
AThey were there to check out the show and news like we
Awere, and from what I've heard, they were a bit
AWell, after a few somewhat stressing days at the show
A(but with nice and relaxing pub visits every night) we
Awent with a National Express bus up to Wakefield to
Avisit friends. We had a great time up there - we were
Ataken good care of by Vad, Martyn and his mom (who
Aaccidently got me into liking coffee with milk & sugar -
A I drink it every day now!). El Cubo had a nasty virus
Atearing at his body, so he got Martyn's bed, and Martyn
Aand myself had to sleep in a tent outside. Mind you,
AMartyn got scared shitless just because of a little wind
Aand rain, so he went in to sleep on the couch. So there
AI was, in the tent, with the north english wind and rain
Atearing at the tent, making an awful noise... Well,
Abeing one who can sleep anywhere, anytime, under any
Acircumstances, I didn't really mind - I've slept in (a
Alot) worse places. Besides, I had 5 sleeping bags all to
Amyself, so I wasn't cold!
AWhile in Wakefield, we went to a place where they were
Asupposed to serve really really BIG steaks. We
ANorwegians, playing tuff of course, ordered the largest
Aone they had - a 32 ounces one. I remember getting
Asuspicious when I saw the red ring around this
Aparticular steak on the menu... For those not familiar
Awith "ounces", 32 ounces equals to 960 grammes, just
Aunder a kg! Well the first steak was served, and we
Athough it was a great big plate with all the steaks sort
Aof served all at once. I didn't know whether to laugh or
Acry when I was made aware that this was in fact ONE
Asteak - and I was supposed to eat it. It was also served
Awith chips and salad. The steak itself was about
A20 x 30 x 3 cm - some 6 times the size of the average
Asteak served in restaurants. The only one who managed to
Aeat the whole steak, with chips and the lot, was
ADr.Outtasight. When it was all down, the waiter came up
Ato him with a diploma that said "This is to certify that
Athe holder of this diploma has eaten a 32 oz steak,
Acomplete with chips and salad, without help from
Aanyone." or something like that. Far out!
AAnyway, we did a lot of rather relaxing stuff up there,
Alike lying down, walking about and things like that - we
Aalso went to see Gremlins 2 which was a sorry piece of
Autter SHIT. Norwegians will be disgusted to hear that we
Awere offered pop-corn with sugar instead of salt! Yuk!
AAfter 3 days we went back to London to finish off the
Alast of our money before we returned to dear Norway -
Aand it was good to see it again. There's no place like
Ahome! The amount of luggage we had though, was about
Atwice as much as we were allowed to take on the plane,
Aclose to 100 kg in CD's, videos, software and hardware.
AOnly thanks to our incredible charm and a great deal of
Aluck, they let us on the plane with all our stuff. It
Ahad something to do with 15 free seats on the plane as
AOk, thanks to all those we met - and to those we didn't
Ameet: We'll (most probably) be there next year as well,
Aso we'll see you then!
C **** END OF REPORT ****
AAlright, let's have it:
BHow to Catch a White Elephant
AGo to a place where there are white elephants. Bring
Awith you a muffin (with raisins). Climb a tree. When the
Awhite elephant is close, drop the muffin (with raisins)
Ain front of it. The white elephant will be happy, and
Aeat the muffin (with raisins). White elephants like
Amuffins (with raisins). Repeat this procedure for five
Adays in a row.
AAfter the fifth day, the white elephant will be used to
Aits daily muffin (with raisins). The sixth day you climb
Athe tree, and bring with you a muffin without raisins.
ADrop the muffin as usual. When the white elephant finds
Aout that the muffin lacks raisins, it will darken in
AAnd then you catch it the same way as an ordinary grey
B - - -
COk, to finish this whole thing off, here's a story about
Ca guy who had a dog called "Sex"...
AUsually, everyone who has a dog either calls him Rover
Aor Boy or something. I call mine "Sex". Well, Sex is a
Avery embarrassing name. One day I took Sex for a walk
Aand he ran away from me. I spent hours looking for that
Adog. A cop came along and asked me what I was doing in
Athis alley at 4:00 A.M. I said, "I'm looking for Sex."
AMy case comes up next Thursday.
AOne day I went to city Hall to get a dog licence for
ASex. The clerk asked me what I wanted. I told him I
Awanted a licence for Sex. He said, "I would like to
Ahave one, too." Then I said, "But this is a dog." And he
Asaid he didn't care how she looked. Then I said, "You
Adon't understand, I've had Sex since I was two years
Aold." He replied, "You must have been a strong boy."
AWhen I decided to get married, I told the minister that
AI wanted to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait
Auntil after the wedding. I said, "But Sex played a big
Apart of my life and my whole lifestyle revolves around
ASex." He said he didn't want to hear about my personal
Alife and would not marry us in his church. I told him
Aeveryone coming to the wedding would enjoy having Sex
Athere. The next day we were married by the Justice of
Athe Peace. My family is barred from the church.
AMy wife and I took the dog along with us on the
Ahoneymoon. When I checked into the motel I told the
Aclerk that I wanted a room for my wife and I and a
Aspecial room for Sex. The clerk said that every room in
Athe motel is for Sex. Then I said, "You don't
Aunderstand. Sex keeps me awake at night." And the clerk
Asaid, "Me, too."
AOne day I told my friend that I had Sex on T.V. He
Asaid, "Show-off" I told him it was a contest and he
Atold me I should have sold tickets.
AWhen my wife and I separated we went to court to fight
Afor custody of the dog. I said, "Your honour, I had Sex
Abefore I was married." And the Judge said. "Me, too."
AWhen I told him that after I was married Sex left me, he
Asaid, "Me, too." Well, now I've been thrown in jail,
Abeen married, divorced and had more trouble with that
Adog than I ever gambled for. Why just the other day when
AI went for my first session with the psychiatrist and
Ashe said, "What seems to be the trouble?" I replied,
A"Sex died and left my life. It's like losing a best
Afriend and it's so lonely." The doctor said, "Look
AMister, you and I both know that Sex isn't man's best
Afriend- So GET YOURSELF A DOG!!!"
A - - -
BA DAY OFF WORK
ASo, you want the day off ???
ALet's take a moment to look at what you are asking for.
B1 There are 365 days available for work.
B2 There are 52 weeks per year of which
B you already have 2 days off each weekend,
B leaving 261 days left available for work.
B3 Since you spend 16 hours each day away
B from work that accounts for 170 days.
B There are 91 left available for work.
B4 You spend 30 minutes each day on breaks
B that accounts for 23 days a year, leaving
B 68 days available for work.
B5 You spend 1 hour a day at lunch, that
B that accounts for another 46 days per
B year leaving 22 days available for work.
B6 You spend 2 days per year on sick leave,
B leaving 20 days available for work.
B7 You take 9 holidays per year, leaving
B 11 days available for work.
B8 You take 10 days vacation each year,
B leaving 1 day left available for work.
C --- NO WAY ---
C Are you going to take THAT day off.
A - - -
BSome "Famous Last Words":
A- They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist...
A- You and which army?
A- Die, my dear - that's the last thing I shall do!
A- O-boy, it's a long time since I drank champagne!
A- What do you mean, I'm not looking well ??!
AREET ! All good things have to come an end, fellas. This
Ais where this scrolltext ends. Let's see the size of
Ait... hmmm.. checking checking... hmmm approx. 28 kb -
Athat's about average I guess..
AWell we hope you've enjoyed this music disk - we'll
Aleave you know.. see you again in the next Crusaders
Aproduction - never too far away!!