Cosmic building
site, the final
frontier. These are
the trips of the
mushroom
Cosmo Ad 2000. It's
continuing mission:
To explore strange
new dimensions to
destroy synthetic
shells and organic
bulldozers. To
boldly float where
no leader has ever
floated before.
We found a strange
asteroid cloud in
the Alpha Centauri
system and decided
to scan one of the
asteroids.
Our sensors showed a
massive amount of
stupidity on the
asteroid so we
prepared a landing
team to go down.
When we got to the
asteroid we first
thought that the
disgusting looking
blob we found was
some sort of
spacetrash, but then
it started to talk:
"HeIjSan JaG Heter
B}RjE! F{R Jag
KnuLLa Dig Till
Reven." Good thing
we remembered to
take our universal
translator with us.
"NO FUCKING WAY
MOTHERFUCKER !!!!!"
shouted CrimE-Z99
and vaporized the
alien a thousand
times. But our
troubles were not
over because it
started to rain
freezers. "Oh no a
kitchen ware storm,
TAKE COVER!!",
shouted Spawn and
ducked under
himself.
The storm lasted for
a millenium and when
it finally ended the
whole crew was quite
pissed. "It was
about god damn
time", said G.O.D.
and crawled out from
a speaker. "Now,
let's try to find
the rest of that
fucking homosexual
tribe", mentioned
quartz and pulled
out his light sabre.
After a few days of
floating around the
planet we still
hadn't found any
more of those brown
blobs, and everybody
was getting a bit
tired.
"Hey, what the hell
is that!?!?" asked
Baron and pointed to
the horizon.
We just couldn't
believe our eyes,
the strange looking
object seemed to be
some sort of an
alien spaceship!
Our team approached
the ship really
carefully, because
we didn't know if we
should encounter any
more of HomoBlobs.
When we got to the
massive door it
seemed to be locked,
but we just couldn't
find a lock of any
kind. 2 hours later
CrimE-Z99 lost the
last remains of his
so called mind and
simply ran through
the door. "Fuck me"
sighed captain G.O.D
"I knew he was
fucking out of his
mind but this...."
All the rest of us
walked in and there
was no sign of
CrimE-Z99 anywhere.
"Where the hell can
that imbesill lurk?"
wondered Dodger.
A few seconds later
we heard an
explosion from the
upper levels of the
spaceship.
When we got to the
level eight where
the ship's cockpit
was, CrimE-Z99 was
just standing there
in the middle of the
remains of da ship's
controls.
"Jiiihaaaa, that was
a blast or what?"
asked CrimE with
blood dripping from
his head.
"Do you realize that
you just destroyed
hardware worth
billions of
credits!?!?" shouted
Doc-Ansi.
"Yep, so fucking
what?"
"Okey that's fucking
enough!!!!" shouted
captain G.O.D. and
gave CrimE some boot
to the head.
The rest of our team
felt that it was our
responsibility to
help our captain,
and when we finished
CrimE-Z99 was in a
very bad shape.
"mmffghfllbbhhhuiuiu
i....", he mumbled
and boy we had some
fun!
We sent CrimE back
to our shuttle with
an auto-floater and
continued our search
for some alien
artifacts we hoped
to find.
"Medi-Droid sure is
going to have it's
hands full for the
next hundred years
or so, hehhehahhuh",
chuckled Spawn and
almost slipped to 1
of CrimE's lungs.
We wondered around
the gigantic ship
for many years and
finally we arrived 2
a big chamber that
seemed to be some
sort of laboratory.
"Wow, look at all
this shit", said
quartz with his eyes
wide open from
surpise. The chamber
was full'o'different
kinds of artifacts
and devices.
We radioed the
shuttle and asked
for a CarryAll-droid
to meet us at our
present location.
It took just three
more years and the
droid arrived and
grabbed all of the
alien devices before
heading back to our
landing shuttle.
"Yep, now let's get
the hell out of
here", said our
captain when we took
a last glance of the
desolate asteroid.
When Baron hit the
afterburners we
heard a terrible
scream from beneath
us. "What was
that?" asked Spawn
from his seat that
was positioned under
himself.
"Ah, that was
propably just
Darkman and Dagomys,
nothing to worry
about", said captain
G.O.D. when our ship
began it's climb.
Well, we surely
schorched them for
good didn't we?
Back on the
mothership Cosmo Ad
2000 we began to
analyze the alien
stuff we brought
back from the
asteroid. Most of
the stuff we
analyzed was pretty
useless, but then
the analyzer beeped!
A whole box full of
COSMOFLAKES!!!
The most efficient
spaceship fuel ever,
allowing a speed up
to 100000 times
lightspeed!!
Captain G.O.D.
immediately promoted
all of us. "This
incredible fuel will
give our ship a
tremendous advantage
comparing to other
ships."
"Our ship is
now like a new ship
and from now on it
is to be known as
COSMO BC 5000!!!!!!"
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T h e E n d
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Credits:
Tune by ?/Bomb Squad
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