Preview
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`:$$$$:' The Game Review!
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~VOTED #1 WAREZ MAG/REVIEW BY INTERNET USERS~
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"All the games that are fit to print."
Un-Releastic: "I have never played a game I didn't like." -Stu Pid Fewl
Realistic : "This game sucks!" -Ionizer
____________
News Updates
============
-That's it, I've been broken, sometime soon I will install win95. Please
don't email me negatively for not resisting, it's either do this, or end up
with more weeks of not being able to review half the games.
============================================
HOW TO GET THIS MAGAZINE ON A REGULAR BASIS:
--------------------------------------------
(WHERE and WHEN can I GET The Game Review? The Game Review (c) Ionizer, will)
(be released every SUNDAY, and can be obtained by /m ionizer xdcc send #1)
OR
#1 My home page (New GFX, Java scroll, animated gifs) (Thanks to Agile & Ent)
http://ns2.clever.net/~ionizer (Note: Contains all issues and is always
up to date.)
OR
#2 E-Mail AUTO Responder (Thanks to Malk and Mael)
Just write mail to tgr@inforelay.com <that's all, DOESN'T need to
include any special message or anything, you'll get a response back
within a few seconds>. (Note: Only for the NEWEST TGR out.)
NOTE: THERE IS NO MAILING LIST OF ANY KIND!
===========================================
- * - * - * - * - *
* - * - * - * - * -
GAME REVIEWS, RATINGS, UN-BIASED OPINIONS, HELP/TIPS FOR INSTALLING GAMES!
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
-Rating scale:
(0-19)/100 = In a nutshell, it sucked!
(20-39)/100 = Still crap but slightly better.
(40-49)/100 = Possibly worth downloading.
(50-69)/100 = Pretty decent game. Might want to check it out.
(70-79)/100 = Worth the download if you like that type.
(80-89)/100 = Very good, 9 outta 10 its worth the download.
(90-99)/100 = Excellent game, a MUST download.
100/100 = HOLY SHIT I'VE NEVER SEEN A BETTER GAME!
RATINGS are based on the game idea, graphics, sound, playability, ingenuity,
versatility, and a lot of other words ending in `ity'. These games are based
on what happens on MY COMPUTER ONLY, unless stated otherwise. I always first
follow nfo directions, and if those don't work or are not available, I then
try other ways. So just b/c it doesn't work for me, doesn't mean it won't
work for you.
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-<*><*> THE GAME REVIEW <*><*>-
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________________________/¯|__/| ___________
\___ \ __ / __/ __/ / |/ ____/ __/_
| __/ _/ _/ _| \__ \ \/ / ) / _| /
|___|\__\ \________ /___\__\__ \______\
+--------\___/÷e÷/aL!\/--------/_____\-----+
TOTAL MAYHEM (c) Domark/Formgen! [xx/22]
Damnit, I didn't have this one reviewed last week b/c Prestige states that it
is for win95, when it is actually for both. So I copied all fucking 21 disks
to disk and then on another computer, to find out it didn't work on that
computer. So I read the readme.txt and found out it was for win3.1 too. So
I installed and was kinda disappointed since I thought it would be a lot like
Crusader: No Remorse. It's the same type of game, but this one lacks any
intensity whatsoever, and the engine SUCKS. Plus the mouse control is terr-
ible. The graphics are nice svga, but I'd rather go down a level in gfx, and
still be more like Crusader. You are given certain objectives and able to
buy weapons just like Crusader. You can blow up practically anything, but
it's just not as much fun was it was in Crusader. To put it this way, if you
wanted to d/l this, just look around for Crusader: No Remorse, it's much
better, and definitely worth the time, this on the other hand, is not.
RATING: 57/100
Micro Machines 2 Tournament Edition [1o/1o]
_ ________________________ _____ ________ _
\\_____ \_____ \_____ \/ . \\_____ \\
dZG/\ __// _ |/ ____/. | \/\ __/
_/ \ \/ /_ _/ /_ | ! _/ \ \
\____\ \______\_________|_____\____\ \_
=======\___/===ù1911ùCDùDIVISIONù======\___/
Here's another edition with new tracks to a now popular and well known game.
Micro Machines 2 TE has all the shit it had before, but it now includes a
bunch of new courses, and an editor so you can make your own courses. You
can also now play up to 16 people! I think it's a good game, but the course
is just too small and cars too fast, and the turns just come up too quick and
you can't turn good enough for them. For more about MM2 read past issues.
RATING: 63/100
.---[ "Wierd" Al Yankovic SS (CD-RIP) ]-----.
| (c) Rock N' Roll Records 1996! |
| ._____.______ .__. /\.__ - Strider |
|-/ ___/ ___/ ¬\| | ___/ ¬| \------------|
|/ /_.¬\ ._>_ \ |/__/\_ | _/GENERATiON-X|
|\ | \ | ¬\ \ | / _ ¬\ 1996 |
|-\___ /___ /_|\__|----\__| /------------|
`-----\/evl-\/---[o5.20.96]--\/-----[xX/17]-'
Seems like GNX fucked up the packaging on this one. When you rar, and you
get to the 4th disk, it comes up with some error "Solid archive..." and then
something about needing the first one. Anyway, maybe they will re-release it.
I was able to only extract part of an amish paradise .wav, so I have no idea
what the program is like. Anyway Al kicks ass.
RATING: NA/100
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+--------\___/÷e÷/aL!\/--------/_____\-----+
Total Knockout Championship Female Boxing x/11
Here's the full version (despite the fact it tells you to order it) of this
excellent boxing game. It's very, very similar to the arcade game Punch Out!,
but the graphics are far more superior, and there are special moves. Yes,
you did read write, there are only women in the game (and you know that men
made this game, because the tits are like 3 times the size they should be).
You go through a title card of people, from "Fearleader <cheerleader>" to
amazon like monkey calling bitches. Instead of getting TKO's, you can get
PMS! (j/k). Anyway this is a great boxing game, only thing I could think of
to make it a little more exciting would be more types of punches (left and
right - high and low) and different reactions to getting punched because it's
sometimes hard to tell if you got hit or if you hit the other person. Other-
wise a great game, but this little 11 disk'er does take up a whopping 68 megs.
RATING: 84/100
[ Duke Nukem 3D FULL CD [XX/19] ]
$$$$$_.,s .$$ý^ý$ $$$$. $ $$$ $
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REVOLUTiON X presents -May 21th 1996-
[ EVERYTHiNG ON THE DUKE NUKE 3D CD! ]
[ READ THE REVX.NFO FOR ORE DETAiLS ]
This is the fullcd <except for the sw versions of some games> of DN3d. It
includes the following: DN 1 REG, DN 2 REG, DN3D REG, DN3D official level
editor, Doom WAD files to DN3D map file maker maker, animation files from
DN3D, DN3D music files in .mid format, DN3D sound files in .voc format, 3d
Realms and Apogee Official .FAQ, DN3D .RTS maker, DN3D univbe <for SVGA>,
and previews of: Blood, Prey, and Shadow Warrior. The only really good use
you might be able to get out of this, is the rtsmaker, the doom-->dn3d map
converter, and the level editor (if you don't have it already). So you
really don't need to get the game again, just get those. Also, don't run
the install shit, just go into whatever dir you need to and run the setup.
RATING: You Already Know/100
________________________/¯|__/| ___________&Battleground Waterloo:Movie Add-on
\___ \ __ / __/ __/ / |/ ____/ __/&______ ___ _____ ________ ____
| __/ _/ _/ _| \__ \ \/ / ) / _| &/\_ \ __|_/ _/ ____ \\/ /
|___|\__\ \________ /___\__\__ \______&\_/ __/ _/ _\ \ _/_/ __/ /|
+--------\___/÷e÷/aL!\/--------/_____\-----&+\___\__________/____\___\___/___
Battleground 3: Waterloo (c)TalonSoft xx/36&====[x/12]=====[ úDúOúGúSú ]=====
Here's the 3rd in the line of this strategy war game. I don't know how many
more detailed options they can make these war games have, but this one seems
to top the rest. Excellenty detailed graphics showing the type of land, and
type of army on it. However, they still can't seem to go away from those
octagonal shaped areas where you move the army to and from. There are so
many options in this one, I'd need 30 years to type 'em all out. I only
reccomend those with a lot of time to play this out, to get this. The movie
addons aren't much, and not really worth it.
RATING: 67/100
ÄÄ´ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ Û²±° ÄÄÄÄÄ ÜÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛ ÄÄÄ´ÄÄ
³ ÛÛ²± ÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛ À³
³ ÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛ aND ±²ÛÛÛÝ ³
³Ú ßÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛß °±²Û ³
ÄÄÃÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄSH!ÄÃÄÄ
Piranha -FINAL-, (c) D-Designs! [4/4]
ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÃÄÄ JiSM and FaST ÄÄ´ÄÄ
This game is extremely similar to Stardust. It's pretty much exactly the
same, the only thing that is better about this one, is that you have better
control of the ship. You can make quicker turn arounds and stuff. Other
than that, it's exactly like Stardust, same objective, same gfx. Just shoot
the stone'ish objects, they break up into smaller, and then smaller, and then
still smaller things (the stones, not your dick). You will get bored event-
ually.
RATING: 55/100
________________________/¯|__/| ___________
\___ \ __ / __/ __/ / |/ ____/ __/_
| __/ _/ _/ _| \__ \ \/ / ) / _| /
|___|\__\ \________ /___\__\__ \______\
+--------\___/÷e÷/aL!\/--------/_____\-----+
Wizardry GOLD (c) Sir-Tech [14/14]
+------------------------------------------+
This one was a pain in the ass to figure out. First off, to insure that you
don't sit through the 5 minute opening (4.5 of which are just credits), make
sure you do a nice combo of esc-enter-spacebar, and eventually the thing will
end. Once you are in the game, you need to select 6 characters. Once you do
that you'll finnaly get to play this ugly gfx rpg game. It's the rpg type
where you have human/elf, etc, and you can select their skills and stuff.
It's not exactly real great, but those of you who like rpg might be able to
overlook the graphics and gameplay ;).
RATING: 48/100
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<*>THE GAME OF THE WEEK<*>
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This week's GOTW goes to PRESTIGE for their release of TOTAL KNOCKOUT CHAMP-
IONSHIP FEMALE BOXING. This is an excellent boxing game, just like the
arcade game, Super Punch Out, but with better graphics. It is worth the 11
disks to just check out.
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<*>OTHER RELEASES<*>
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Sensible Soccer Euro 96 EDT. <PSG> <another version>
100 New Warcraft 2 Levels <what do you want me to do, review each level?>
Return Fire <HBD> <Win95>
Jeopardy: Platinum Edition <RCD> <Win95>
3D Game Alchemy <PNC> <Addons for heretic, doom, doom2, etc>
Pacific Theater of Operations 2 <PSG> <it is only for win95, even though it
<says win3.1/95>
Championship Manager <a million different versions and languages>
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<*>UPCOMING RELEASE DATES<*>
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-All projected dates are as of MAY 24TH 1996, 8am (EST) and based on store
release dates. This section is updated when available and I can only update
it when the info is available, so don't tell me about it having old dates.
Key to system types:
DCD = DOS CD WCD = Windows CD MCD = Mac. CD
W95CD = Win 95 CD M3 = Mac. Disk W3 = Windows Disk
W953 = Win 95 Disk D3 = DOS Disk HCD = Mac./Windows CD
Date | Name of Game | OS | Company
-----------------------------------------------------------
95/04/24 CYBER JUDAS IBCD MERIT SOFTWARE
96/05/22 SETTLERS 2 DCD BLUE BYTE
96/05/23 LST ADV LEGND DCD RANDOMSOFT
96/05/24 RENEGD:JACOB DCD MINDSCAPE
96/05/25 CHRON SWORD DCD SONY ELECTRONIC PUBLISH/
96/05/28 LINKS LS DCD ACCESS SOFTWARE
96/05/29 PRO PINBL:WEB DCD ENTERACTIVE INTERNATIONAL
96/06/01 PELICAN HILL DCD ACCESS SOFTWARE
96/06/01 CIV WAR MED DCD ENTERACTIVE INTERNATIONAL
96/06/01 SIMN SORCER2 DCD SONY ELECTRONIC PUBLISH/
96/06/02 SHELLSHOCK DCD U.S. GOLD INC.
96/06/02 DEATHKEEP DCD STRATEGIC SIMULATION
96/06/02 CAS CHMP2PKR DCD INTRACORP,INC.
96/06/03 DRAGONLAIR2 DCD READY SOFT
96/06/03 AH-64D LNGBW DCD ELECTRONIC ARTS
96/06/03 GENDERWARS DCD GT SOFTWARE
96/06/06 BIG HURT DCD ACCLAIM
96/06/07 PGA96:SAWGRS DCD ELECTRONIC ARTS
96/06/07 MORTIMER DCD LUCAS ARTS
96/06/07 FINAL DOOM DCD GT SOFTWARE
96/06/10 WING COMM IV DCD ELECTRONIC ARTS
96/06/15 HIND DCD INTERACTIVE MAGIC
96/06/15 ALIEN TRIL DCD DIGITAL PICTURES
96/06/15 BTLCRSR 3000 DCD TAKE 2 INTERACTIVE
96/06/15 MAGIC GATHER DCD SPECTRUM HOLOBYTE
96/06/18 AFTER LIFE DCD LUCAS ARTS
96/06/19 MEGA RACE 2 DCD MINDSCAPE
96/06/21 HARVESTER IBCD MERIT SOFTWARE
96/06/21 DUNGON KEEPR DCD ELECTRONIC ARTS
96/06/21 KINGDOM MGC DCD GT SOFTWARE
96/06/22 BULL FROG PK DCD ELECTRONIC ARTS
96/06/24 MECH 2 NET DCD ACTIVISION
96/06/25 FIREFIGHT DCD ELECTRONIC ARTS
96/06/28 SPACEHULK 2 DCD ELECTRONIC ARTS
96/07/01 GRAND PRIX 2 DCD SPECTRUM HOLOBYTE
96/07/01 PINEHURST DCD ACCESS SOFTWARE
96/07/01 OVER REICH DCD AVALON HILL
96/07/20 AD&DCORERULESDCD TSR
96/07/28 QUAKE SHWR DCD ID SOFTWARE
96/08/01 JETFIGHTR III IBCD INTERPLAY PRODUCTIONS
96/08/01 WARHAWK DCD SONY ELECTRONIC PUBLISH/
96/08/01 TWISTD METAL DCD SONY ELECTRONIC PUBLISH/
96/08/01 MAST/ORION 2 DCD SPECTRUM HOLOBYTE
96/08/01 METAL LORDS DCD NEW WORLD COMPUTING INC.
96/08/01 LOST ADMRL II DCD AMERICAN LASER GAMES
96/08/20 NEED SPEED SE DCD ELECTRONIC ARTS
96/09/01 VR BASEBALL DCD INTERPLAY PRODUCTIONS
96/09/01 GOLF NICK P DCD GT SOFTWARE
96/09/01 HIST WORLD DCD AVALON HILL
96/09/01 POWERSLAVE DCD PLAYMATES INTERACTIVE ENT
96/11/15 RAW PURSUIT DCD JVC COMPANY OF AMERICA
97/01/01 DEADLY SKIES DCD JVC COMPANY OF AMERICA
96/06/15 FTSY FBALL96 HCD ENTERACTIVE INTERNATIONAL
96/06/24 ELK MOON #1 HCD ACTIVISION
96/03/11 HOYLES CLASS MCD SIERRA-ON-LINE INC
96/05/20 SHIVERS MCD SIERRA-ON-LINE INC
96/05/27 HEXEN MCD GT SOFTWARE
96/05/28 CATZ MCD VIRGIN GAMES
96/05/28 ALONE TRIL MCD INTERPLAY PRODUCTIONS
96/06/01 PELICAN HILL MCD ACCESS SOFTWARE
96/06/07 MORTIMER MCD LUCAS ARTS
96/06/18 AFTER LIFE MCD LUCAS ARTS
96/06/24 MUPPETS TRSR MCD ACTIVISION
96/06/30 GAB KNIGHT 2 MCD SIERRA-ON-LINE INC
96/07/01 TORIN'S PASS MCD SIERRA-ON-LINE INC
96/07/01 PINEHURST MCD ACCESS SOFTWARE
96/08/01 EMPIRE II MCD NEW WORLD COMPUTING INC.
96/08/01 HERO MHT MGC MCD NEW WORLD COMPUTING INC.
96/08/23 9 MCD GT SOFTWARE
96/09/01 MORT KMBT 3 MCD GT SOFTWARE
96/03/05 DRUMBEAT M3 DEADLY GAMES
96/06/21 NETSCAPE NAV MAC VENTANA PRESS
96/05/27 MILO WCD MICROSTAR
96/05/27 BRAINSTORM WCD SIMON & SCHUSTER
96/05/28 WIZARDRY GLD WCD SIR TECH
96/05/28 CATZ WCD VIRGIN GAMES
96/05/29 SCIFI TRIVIA WCD SIMON & SCHUSTER
96/06/01 CIVIL WAR:LEE WCD SIERRA-ON-LINE INC
96/06/01 GREGNORM GLF2WCD GROLIER ELECTRONIC PUB. INC.
96/06/10 WARHAMMR 40K MINDSCAPE
96/06/10 VOYEUR II WCD PHILIPS INTERACTIVE MEDIA
96/06/15 QST.GLORYCOLL.WCD SIERRA-ON-LINE INC
96/06/15 HOYLE-BLKJAK WCD SIERRA-ON-LINE INC
96/06/15 HOYLE-SOLITREWCD SIERRA-ON-LINE INC
96/06/15 WOOD SHIP MEN WCD AVALON HILL
96/06/19 MARLOW WCD SIMON & SCHUSTER
96/06/24 MUPPETS TRSR WCD ACTIVISION
96/06/30 FPS BASEBAL96WCD SIERRA-ON-LINE INC
96/06/30 LIGHTHOUSE TCD SIERRA-ON-LINE INC
96/06/30 INDY CAR 2 HCD SIERRA-ON-LINE INC
96/06/30 URBAN RUNNER WCD SIERRA-ON-LINE INC
96/07/01 BTLGRD4 SHILH WCD ENTERACTIVE INTERNATIONAL
96/08/01 DAGGERFALL DCD BETHESDA
96/08/23 9 WCD GT SOFTWARE
96/06/01 DUKE SCNSVR W3 FORMGEN
96/05/27 AMER CIVLWAR W5C INTERACTIVE MAGIC
96/05/28 FLIGHT UNLMT W5C VIRGIN GAMES
96/05/30 CRL WP 7.0U W5C COREL SYSTEMS
96/05/30 ARCADE CLS W5C GT SOFTWARE
96/06/01 DIABLO W5C DAVIDSON
96/06/01 MISSION FORC W5C SIERRA-ON-LINE INC
96/06/05 SIMISLE W5C MAXIS
96/06/10 ULT DOOM W95CD GT SOFTWARE
96/06/10 DOOM II W5C GT SOFTWARE
96/06/20 TRIP PLAY 97 W5C ELECTRONIC ARTS
96/06/25 CLOSE CMBT W5C MICROSOFT
96/07/15 STAR CONTR 3 W5C WEA VIDEO
96/08/01 HEXEN W5C GT SOFTWARE
96/08/15 MORT KOMBT 3 W5C GT SOFTWARE
96/09/01 MORTIFICATOR W5C PLAYMATES INTERACTIVE ENT
96/10/01 STR TRK GEN W5C SPECTRUM HOLOBYTE
97/01/01 MINDWARP W5C MAXIS
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<*>CORRECTIONS<*>
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-Looks like I'm one again a leet perfectionist.
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<*>LEGAL MUMBO JUMBO<*>
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
THIS MAGAZINE IN NO WAY WHATSOEVER, CONDONES THE PIRATING, STEALING, OR ANY
OTHER ILLEGAL MEANS OF OBTAINING SOFTWARE. I AM IN NO WAY RESPONSIBLE FOR
YOUR ACTIONS AS A RESULT OF READING THIS MAGAZINE, NOR HAVE I DONE ANYTHING
ILLEGAL TO OBTAIN THE REVIEWED GAMES. IF YOU LIKE HOW THE REVIEW OF A GAME
SOUNDS THEN BY ALL MEANS PURCHASE IT AND SUPPORT THE SOFTWARE COMPANY.
ANY AND ALL MAGAZINE GROUPS HAVE PERMISSION TO USE THIS IN THEIR MAGAZINE, AS
LONG AS IT HAS NOT BEEN EDITED IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM, AND YOU HAVE
OBTAINED MY WRITTEN EMAIL PERMISSION.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
<*>CLOSINGS<*>
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
-That's it for this week, hope it was of help.
-Ionizer (Game Reviewer /\ MLC/RZR/RoR/PNC/LGX/MSQ Courier)
Comments/Complaints send to ionizer@ns2.clever.net (NO QUESTIONS OR REQUESTS)
.a$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$a.
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`$$&@%o%@&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&@%o%@&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$hd'
Copyright 1996 Ionizer Inc. #167A939