Preview
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`:$$$$:' The Game Review!
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~VOTED #1 WAREZ MAG/REVIEW BY INTERNET USERS~
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$' $ $$ $ $$ a a $$ $ $$ $ $$ ISSUE #23
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$ o o$ $$ $ $ $$ sssss$$ssss. $$ 05/19/96
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"All the games that are fit to print."
Un-Releastic: "I have never played a game I didn't like." -Stu Pid Fewl
Realistic : "This game sucks!" -Ionizer
____________
News Updates
============
-Please read the apology concerning remarks about Israel/Mexico in the
corrections area.
============================================
HOW TO GET THIS MAGAZINE ON A REGULAR BASIS:
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OR
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===========================================
- * - * - * - * - *
* - * - * - * - * -
GAME REVIEWS, RATINGS, UN-BIASED OPINIONS, HELP/TIPS FOR INSTALLING GAMES!
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
-Rating scale:
(0-19)/100 = In a nutshell, it sucked!
(20-39)/100 = Still crap but slightly better.
(40-49)/100 = Possibly worth downloading.
(50-69)/100 = Pretty decent game. Might want to check it out.
(70-79)/100 = Worth the download if you like that type.
(80-89)/100 = Very good, 9 outta 10 its worth the download.
(90-99)/100 = Excellent game, a MUST download.
100/100 = HOLY SHIT I'VE NEVER SEEN A BETTER GAME!
RATINGS are based on the game idea, graphics, sound, playability, ingenuity,
versatility, and a lot of other words ending in `ity'. These games are based
on what happens on MY COMPUTER ONLY, unless stated otherwise. I always first
follow nfo directions, and if those don't work or are not available, I then
try other ways. So just b/c it doesn't work for me, doesn't mean it won't
work for you.
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-<*><*> THE GAME REVIEW <*><*>-
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
________________________/¯|__/| ___________
\___ \ __ / __/ __/ / |/ ____/ __/_
| __/ _/ _/ _| \__ \ \/ / ) / _| /
|___|\__\ \________ /___\__\__ \______\
+--------\___/÷e÷/aL!\/--------/_____\-----+
THE WAR COLLEGE (c) GameTek! [30/30]
This game has a bunch of scenarios of wars you heard about in Social Studies,
while you were sleeping. It has like Napoleon wars and stuff like that. It
really sucks, it's only brag is that the map is sorta 3D-ish, but barely.
You are given little line like forces and you just command their direction
and stuff. Don't bother.
RATING: 40/100
RAT RACE CD (c) DATA EXPRESS [xx/39]
/\__ __ __________ _______ /\_____
( \( \ ) \ __ )
L\ \ i \__ ____/ ) ___) ___/
as\ \___\ )__ / / ___/ )
er!\________/____/ (_______]__ /__/
Shit doesn't work. It needs the cd, and to label it, but you can't label a
drive that've used fakecd or substituted for. Oh well, I guess we can't play
his (I quote the laser.nfo): "This is one of the longest awaited sequels of
all-time..." Haha, sure, whatever.
RATING: NA/100
________________________/¯|__/| ___________
\___ \ __ / __/ __/ / |/ ____/ __/_
| __/ _/ _/ _| \__ \ \/ / ) / _| /
|___|\__\ \________ /___\__\__ \______\
+--------\___/÷e÷/aL!\/--------/_____\-----+
LOONY LABYRINTH PINBALL for Windows [01/06]
A one board pinball game with a bunch of ramps at the top. Nothing special,
decent sound effects and music. Graphics are kinda small. Nothing new to us
and it's not too bad.
RATING: 46/100
STARBALL (c) GAMETEK [o3/o3]
_ ________________________ _____ ________ _
\\_____ \_____ \_____ \/ . \\_____ \\
dZG/\ __// _ |/ ____/. | \/\ __/
_/ \ \/ /_ _/ /_ | ! _/ \ \
\____\ \______\_________|_____\____\ \_
=======\___/===ù1911ùCDùDIVISIONù======\___/
Well this one is a dupe of the game, but only difference is it's the floppy
version. Here's a previous review:
"Well, like Hybrid says, this pinball game pretty much blows. It looks very
outdated and it's only one table. It just sucks, it's those single table
pinball games where you try to move the ball up higher and higher w/ several
pairs of flippers. Graphics are ugly and sound is pretty bad too.
RATING: 27/100"
/\.
. ____ / >______. . _____.____ ____:.
.: \ \ /_\___. \__::> /:\ Y /'96:.
:: / . / \| __/ \:/ /__/ \ .:
./ \__/ " \ > " <______> \_/___>:
`< /:<___\___>/___\___>. <_____>:. :.
\/ .:. |/:. .:.mr! .:. .:: .
BATTLE ARENA TOSHINDEN (c) PLAYMATES [X/9]
Credit due to Prestige for this release, for they are the ones who really
released this, but I don't have their diz. Supposively NPM took the crack
ut of PST's release and then used it in theirs. Anyhow, this is another in
the line of Virtua Fighter/FX Fighter types of games. It has a limited cast
of characters however. And unlike FX fighter, they are all human. When you
play for the first time, make sure you hit escape and go to options and add
all the backgrounds/shading/gfx/etc, or else it'll look like crap. It's ok
for these types of games, but it just lacks something, I can't place my dick
right on it, but there's something about it. Otherwise, it's worth it.
RATING: 66/100
The Clue (CD-rip) [xx/02]
ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ [Droopy/UGR] ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ
ÜÜÜ ÜÜÜ ÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜ ÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜ
ÛÛÛ ÛÛÛ ÛÛÛ ÛÛÛ ÛÛÛ
ÛÛÛ ÛÛÛ ÛÛÛ ÛÛ ÛÛÛÜÜÜÜ
ßßßßßßßßß ßßßßßßßßß ßßß ßß
ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ
uLTIMATE GAME RELEASERs '96
[dOS/gAME]ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ[0515 1996]
This one didn't want to work w/o a cd, but I didn't really make much of an
attempt because frankLY, johnLY, mattLY, and all those, I didn't really even
want to play this fucking old crap. If it's old, even if you claim it wasn't
released, prolly cuz you were sucking on your mom's nipple when the shit act-
ually came out, just keep it where it belongs, the garbage.
RATING: NA/100
United Group International 1996 Presents:
_________________________________________
/ / / ______/ /
/ / / / \ ____/ 1985-96!
/ / / / / / it's who
cw./ _/ / / / / we are..
__/__________/_________/____/____________
EXILE2: CRYSTAL SOULS FANTASY RPG [02/02]
Lame RPG for win/win95. Nothing much to say, it's got ugly graphics, lame
sound and it just sucks. (Wanna hear something funny? I didn't even unarj
this one, but I bet my review is right on target!) Ok now I tried it, and I
was right, it's a lame rpg. You move a little retarded figure around and
pick up items and talk to dorks. It sucks, don't bother.
RATING: 27/100
________________________/¯|__/| ___________
\___ \ __ / __/ __/ / |/ ____/ __/_
| __/ _/ _/ _| \__ \ \/ / ) / _| /
|___|\__\ \________ /___\__\__ \______\
+--------\___/÷e÷/aL!\/--------/_____\-----+
NORMALITY (c) GREMLIN INTERACTIVE 22/22
I dunno if you can describe this one. It's a Doom like atmosphere, but you
move using the mouse and pick up items. You start off in some trashed up
room of some `problem' kid. You pick up a bunch of shit, can make some coffee
w/ glue. I just don't know what/how/where to go from the room though. I was
able to use the bird thing with the remote, and I got every item I could.
A walktrhough would be nice. One negative thing about this game is that
the design sucks, like you have to click twice to do actions, and it barely
works on the first click, and you end up clicking a million times before it
actually does it. The game isn't all that fun, but it's something you might
want to take a look at if you got the time.
RATING: 52/100
Total Mayhem <a game similar to Crusader: No Remorse> and Micro Machines
Turbo Edition will be reviewed in next weeks TGR.
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<*>THE GAME OF THE WEEK<*>
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This week's GOTW goes to PRESTIGE/NAPALM for both releasing <although PSG
really had the working one because it was their crack> BATTLE ARENA TOSHINDEN
This is very similar to Virtua Fighter and FX Fighter. Make sure to addon
all the options to make it look decent. If any move lists come out I'll be
sure to include it.
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<*>OTHER RELEASES<*>
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
SU-27 Flanker <another version of it came out>
Ascendancy <dupe of TDU>
Mind of a Killer <Win95>
Strife Minimized <smaller version of game>
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<*>UPCOMING RELEASE DATES<*>
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
-All projected dates are as of MAY 17TH 1996 and based on store release
dates. This section is updated when available and I can only update it when
the information is available, so don't tell me about it having old dates.
Key to system types:
DCD = DOS CD WCD = Windows CD MCD = Mac. CD
W95CD = Win 95 CD M3 = Mac. Disk W3 = Windows Disk
W953 = Win 95 Disk D3 = DOS Disk HCD = Mac./Windows CD
Date | Name of Game | OS | Company
-----------------------------------------------------------
95/04/24 CYBER JUDAS IBCD MERIT SOFTWARE
96/05/15 TOTAL MAYHEM DCD FORMGEN
96/05/15 SETTLERS 2 DCD BLUE BYTE
96/05/16 CAS CHMP2PKR DCD INTRACORP,INC.
96/05/21 GRAND PRIX 2 DCD SPECTRUM HOLOBYTE
96/05/21 LOST ADMRL II DCD AMERICAN LASER GAMES
96/05/22 ORIGIN PAK DCD ELECTRONIC ARTS
96/05/22 BULL FROG PK DCD ELECTRONIC ARTS
96/05/22 PTO II DCD KOEI
96/05/23 LST ADV LEGND DCD RANDOMSOFT
96/05/24 RENEGD:JACOB DCD MINDSCAPE
96/05/25 CHRON SWORD DCD SONY ELECTRONIC PUBLISH/
96/05/28 LINKS LS DCD ACCESS SOFTWARE
96/05/29 PRO PINBL:WEB DCD ENTERACTIVE INTERNATIONAL
96/06/01 PELICAN HILL DCD ACCESS SOFTWARE
96/06/01 CIV WAR MED DCD ENTERACTIVE INTERNATIONAL
96/06/01 SIMN SORCER2 DCD SONY ELECTRONIC PUBLISH/
96/06/02 SHELLSHOCK DCD U.S. GOLD INC.
96/06/03 DRAGONLAIR2 DCD READY SOFT
96/06/03 AH-64D LNGBW DCD ELECTRONIC ARTS
96/06/03 GENDERWARS DCD GT SOFTWARE
96/06/06 BIG HURT DCD ACCLAIM
96/06/07 PGA96:SAWGRS DCD ELECTRONIC ARTS
96/06/07 MORTIMER DCD LUCAS ARTS
96/06/07 FINAL DOOM DCD GT SOFTWARE
96/06/10 WING COMM IV DCD ELECTRONIC ARTS
96/06/15 HIND DCD INTERACTIVE MAGIC
96/06/15 ALIEN TRIL DCD DIGITAL PICTURES
96/06/15 BTLCRSR 3000 DCD TAKE 2 INTERACTIVE
96/06/15 MAGIC GATHER DCD SPECTRUM HOLOBYTE
96/06/18 AFTER LIFE DCD LUCAS ARTS
96/06/19 MEGA RACE 2 DCD MINDSCAPE
96/06/21 HARVESTER IBCD MERIT SOFTWARE
96/06/21 DUNGON KEEPR DCD ELECTRONIC ARTS
96/06/24 MECH 2 NET DCD ACTIVISION
96/06/25 FIREFIGHT DCD ELECTRONIC ARTS
96/06/28 SPACEHULK 2 DCD ELECTRONIC ARTS
96/07/01 PINEHURST DCD ACCESS SOFTWARE
96/07/01 OVER REICH DCD AVALON HILL
96/07/20 AD&DCORERULESDCD TSR
96/08/01 JETFIGHTR III IBCD INTERPLAY PRODUCTIONS
96/08/01 WARHAWK DCD SONY ELECTRONIC PUBLISH/
96/08/01 TWISTD METAL DCD SONY ELECTRONIC PUBLISH/
96/08/01 MAST/ORION 2 DCD SPECTRUM HOLOBYTE
96/08/01 METAL LORDS DCD NEW WORLD COMPUTING INC.
96/08/20 NEED SPEED SE DCD ELECTRONIC ARTS
96/09/01 VR BASEBALL DCD INTERPLAY PRODUCTIONS
96/09/01 GOLF NICK P DCD GT SOFTWARE
96/09/01 HIST WORLD DCD AVALON HILL
96/09/01 POWERSLAVE DCD PLAYMATES INTERACTIVE ENT
96/11/15 RAW PURSUIT DCD JVC COMPANY OF AMERICA
97/01/01 DEADLY SKIES DCD JVC COMPANY OF AMERICA
96/06/15 FTSY FBALL96 HCD ENTERACTIVE INTERNATIONAL
96/06/24 ELK MOON #1 HCD ACTIVISION
96/03/11 HOYLES CLASS MCD SIERRA-ON-LINE INC
96/05/15 SHIVERS MCD SIERRA-ON-LINE INC
96/05/15 BAD MOJO MCD ACCLAIM
96/05/15 GOLF PK MAC MCD ELECTRONIC ARTS
96/05/20 ALONE TRIL MCD INTERPLAY PRODUCTIONS
96/05/27 HEXEN MCD GT SOFTWARE
96/05/28 CATZ MCD VIRGIN GAMES
96/06/01 PELICAN HILL MCD ACCESS SOFTWARE
96/06/07 MORTIMER MCD LUCAS ARTS
96/06/18 AFTER LIFE MCD LUCAS ARTS
96/06/24 MUPPETS TRSR MCD ACTIVISION
96/06/30 GAB KNIGHT 2 MCD SIERRA-ON-LINE INC
96/07/01 TORIN'S PASS MCD SIERRA-ON-LINE INC
96/07/01 PINEHURST MCD ACCESS SOFTWARE
96/08/01 EMPIRE II MCD NEW WORLD COMPUTING INC.
96/08/01 HERO MHT MGC MCD NEW WORLD COMPUTING INC.
96/08/23 9 MCD GT SOFTWARE
96/09/01 MORT KMBT 3 MCD GT SOFTWARE
96/03/05 DRUMBEAT M3 DEADLY GAMES
96/06/21 NETSCAPE NAV MAC VENTANA PRESS
96/05/20 BTLGRD3 WTRLO WCD ENTERACTIVE INTERNATIONAL
96/05/21 WIZARDRY GLD WCD SIR TECH
96/05/21 WOOD SHIP MEN WCD AVALON HILL
96/05/22 BRAINSTORM WCD SIMON & SCHUSTER
96/05/28 CATZ WCD VIRGIN GAMES
96/05/29 SCIFI TRIVIA WCD SIMON & SCHUSTER
96/06/01 CIVIL WAR:LEE WCD SIERRA-ON-LINE INC
96/06/10 WARHAMMR 40K MINDSCAPE
96/06/10 VOYEUR II WCD PHILIPS INTERACTIVE MEDIA
96/06/15 QST.GLORYCOLL.WCD SIERRA-ON-LINE INC
96/06/15 HOYLE-BLKJAK WCD SIERRA-ON-LINE INC
96/06/15 HOYLE-SOLITREWCD SIERRA-ON-LINE INC
96/06/19 MARLOW WCD SIMON & SCHUSTER
96/06/24 MUPPETS TRSR WCD ACTIVISION
96/06/30 FPS BASEBAL96WCD SIERRA-ON-LINE INC
96/06/30 LIGHTHOUSE TCD SIERRA-ON-LINE INC
96/06/30 INDY CAR 2 HCD SIERRA-ON-LINE INC
96/06/30 URBAN RUNNER WCD SIERRA-ON-LINE INC
96/07/01 BTLGRD4 SHILH WCD ENTERACTIVE INTERNATIONAL
96/08/01 DAGGERFALL DCD BETHESDA
96/08/23 9 WCD GT SOFTWARE
96/06/01 EXPENSABLE2.0 W3 INTUIT
96/06/01 DUKE SCNSVR W3 FORMGEN
96/05/21 AMER CIVLWAR W5C INTERACTIVE MAGIC
96/05/30 CRL WP 7.0U W5C COREL SYSTEMS
96/06/01 DIABLO W5C DAVIDSON
96/06/01 MISSION FORC W5C SIERRA-ON-LINE INC
96/06/05 SIMISLE W5C MAXIS
96/06/10 ULT DOOM W95CD GT SOFTWARE
96/06/10 DOOM II W5C GT SOFTWARE
96/06/20 TRIP PLAY 97 W5C ELECTRONIC ARTS
96/06/25 CLOSE CMBT W5C MICROSOFT
96/07/15 STAR CONTR 3 W5C WEA VIDEO
96/08/01 HEXEN W5C GT SOFTWARE
96/08/15 MORT KOMBT 3 W5C GT SOFTWARE
96/09/01 MORTIFICATOR W5C PLAYMATES INTERACTIVE ENT
96/10/01 STR TRK GEN W5C SPECTRUM HOLOBYTE
97/01/01 MINDWARP W5C MAXIS
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<*>CORRECTIONS<*>
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
-I'd like to correct myself and apologize for the review on the comedy store
game reviewed last issue. It was wrong for me to classify Mexico and/or
Israel as "third world countries" since neither are one. I apologize to all.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
<*>LEGAL MUMBO JUMBO<*>
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
THIS MAGAZINE IN NO WAY WHATSOEVER, CONDONES THE PIRATING, STEALING, OR ANY
OTHER ILLEGAL MEANS OF OBTAINING SOFTWARE. I AM IN NO WAY RESPONSIBLE FOR
YOUR ACTIONS AS A RESULT OF READING THIS MAGAZINE, NOR HAVE I DONE ANYTHING
ILLEGAL TO OBTAIN THE REVIEWED GAMES. IF YOU LIKE HOW THE REVIEW OF A GAME
SOUNDS THEN BY ALL MEANS PURCHASE IT AND SUPPORT THE SOFTWARE COMPANY.
ANY AND ALL MAGAZINE GROUPS HAVE PERMISSION TO USE THIS IN THEIR MAGAZINE, AS
LONG AS IT HAS NOT BEEN EDITED IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM, AND YOU HAVE
OBTAINED MY WRITTEN EMAIL PERMISSION.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
<*>CLOSINGS<*>
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
-That's it for this week, hope it was of help.
-Ionizer (Game Reviewer /\ MLC/RZR/RoR/PNC/HST/MSQ Courier)
Comments/Complaints send to ionizer@ns2.clever.net (NO QUESTIONS OR REQUESTS)
.a$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$a.
$$' . `$$' `$$ ' `$$' s `$$
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`$$&@%o%@&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&@%o%@&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$hd'
Copyright 1996 Ionizer Inc. #167A939