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The REAL scene mag Fri Aug 20 1993 Volume 1 : Number 01
ISSN 2004-062Z
Editor: Lord Bellend
SABINE OF ALPHA FLIGHT TO QUIT THE SCENE DUE TO PREGNANCY
Date: Mon, 9 Aug 93 13:31:21 PDT
From: AFL HQ
Subject: File 1--Sabine is pregnant!
This week an Alpha Flight sysop told a Roar reporter the following story;
Sabine is to quit the scene because her baby is due in March 1994!
The father is reputed to have a low IQ, probably Axe of Mystic. The
consummation allegedly took place in the back of a Citroen 2CV after a party
somewhere in Germany.
This will be Sabines first child, but it is her second pregnancy. When she
was 14 she "pulled a train" on her local school`s football team, resulting in
a backstreet abortion.
We confronted Sabine with these allegations and she replied with the
following statement;
"I um prugnent unt I quid das sceen but Alfa Flite is das world bet Grup, unt
i kiked owt a lut of peple. I regly blow Ferlit and Pardocs but I not fuk wit
Exe, he haas to smal dik."
We are not sure what this means, but then again, is anyone?
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HYDRO OF ANTHROX BUYS NEW SOCKS
Date: Wed, 11 Aug 93 15:41:18 PDT
From: ATX HQ
Subject: File 2--Hydr0 buys socks
Hydro has bought a new pair of socks from 'Army and Navy Stores'. They are
has favourite colour, Blue!
"They where on special offer, only $1.29 a pair" he said earlier today.
"I used to wear Brown socks but I like blue ones more."
"Green ones are quite nice, but I don`t like red ones" he added.
When we asked if he was to buy any more this week he replied "No comment"
More sock news as it happens.
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SLIPSTREAM RELEASE ANOTHER PACKDISK
Date: Wed, 11 Aug 93 18:13:24 PDT
From: Destiny
Subject: File 3--More Slipstream Packs
On Wednesday 11th of August Slipstream released a new packdisk, it had 3
intros, a game preview and a text file on it.
"We plan to release more packdisks, its the Elite thing to do" said a
Slipstream spokesman.
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GOD TO RELEASE 25 MORE TRAINERS IN AUGUST
Date: Thu, 12 Aug 93 18:49:54 PDT
From: GOD HQ
Subject: File 4--More GOD trainers
Global Overdose are to release 25 more trainers this month, and there all for
Emerald mine clones!
"Training them is so easy" a GOD spokesman said today, "We just change the
name in the source then assemble the trainer-menu, that`s it, NO work
required, even Unlimited Potential couldn`t beat that!"
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SLAYER OF SCOOPEX BLOWS HIS NOSE
Date: Fri, 13 Aug 93 06:12:03 PDT
From: SCOOPEX HQ
Subject: File 5--Slayer news
Slayer of Scoopex took a break from coding "Mental Hangover II" today, to blow
his nose!
"I had been sniffing for an hour or so and sneezed once, so it was to only
think to do" he said earlier.
"If it continues I might see a doctor" he added.
Coding of "Mental Hangover II" has resumed, it should be released sometime in
1995!
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PARADOX AND FAIRLIGHT NOT AT WAR
Date: Fri, 13 Aug 93 19:23:19 PDT
From: ROAR REPORTER
Subject: File 6--No war!
Paradox denies they are at war with Fairlight, "We have no problem with them",
said a spokesman today.
We asked Fairlight for a comment on this, "There is no war between us and
Paradox" was the official Fairlight statement.
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A600 TO BE GIVEN AWAY WITH CORNFLAKES
Date: Sat, 14 Aug 93 04:34:53 PDT
From: Kelloggs PLC
Subject: File 7--Free A600`s
News is just breaking that the A600 will be given away free with breakfast
cereal!
Kelloggs Cornflakes are to run a special offer, return 3 packet tops and $2.99
to cover P&P and receive a brand new machine. The package will also include
the 1.3 KS software and the popular AGA emulator, enabling the machine to run
almost any Amiga software.
"We expect this to be very popular", said a Kelloggs spokesman. "If sales go
as predicted we will be running a similar offer with the Atari Falcon at
Christmas-time."
"Next year we will be giving away more failed machines, including the Acorn
Archimedes, Atari ST and Oric 1. We expect this to be a real 'Cereal
Killer'!"
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FTP ARE NOT LAME
Date: Sun, 15 Aug 93 19:27:17 PDT
From: FTP
Subject: File 8--FTP Not lame
Rotox announced today that "Fuck the Protection" are not lame.
"We are a popular group" he said, "And we've cracked lots of games, there is
no truth in the rumour that we are lame."
"FTP has some of the worlds best crackers, I think the problem comes from the
fact that I am stupid, and people seem to be confusing stupidity with
lameness!"
"We already have a copy of 'Eye of the Beholder III', which we have been
working on for two weeks now, it should be ready for release soon, watch out
for it!"
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UNIVERSAL SOLDIER TO FORMAT BOARDS
Date: Mon, 16 Aug 93 12:32:17 PDT
From: Universal Soldier
Subject: File 9--Board formats coming
"Boards are going down", was Universal Soldiers statement today.
"I used the 'nuker' on Skullbuggery to irritate users, I was just deleting
random files. And now i'm an Elite hacker!"
"Any boards that give me shell access I will format, providing the sysop
shows me how to do it!"
"I also intend to 'nuke' lots of files, especially if their not fakes", he
added in a German accent.
"There is no truth that 'Super Mario Brothers' game is about me, although
my parents did christen me 'Mario' and I jump about a lot. I shall be sueing
Nintendo for using my name and I may even format some consoles as a protest!"
***************************************************************************
GERMAN TRADERS ARE THE BEST
Date: Tue, 17 Aug 93 23:09:27 PDT
From: ROAR staff
Subject: File 10--The Master traders
German modem traders are the best in the world - and that`s official - as
far as German traders are concerned.
This week they announced how much better they are than everyone else in a
textfile. Roar spoke to JFC, a top German trader.
"We are definatly the best, we are in all the upload charts on the best USA
boards, who else would sit there all day and upload?"
"I have no life so all I do is trade, I realy have nothing better to do," he
added.
"When I was a child my parents had to tie a pork chop round my kneck to get
the dog to play with me, i`m realy that sad, thats why modem trading is for
me!"
"Modem tradings realy great, I once spoke to a girl online, she realy
fancied me, I could tell!"
"I must go now, I heard FTP was about to release EOTB3 and I want to trade
it."
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DIGITAL TO RELEASE MORE PUBLIC DOMAIN
Date: Wed, 18 Aug 93 01:45:12 PDT
From: Digital WHQ
Subject: File 11--More PD from Digital
"Look out 17 Bit, were going to release your entire catalogue" was the
message From Number 5 today.
"Weve already released a PD game called 'Giddy' and an 'Amiga Format'
coverdisk, and there is a lot more planned.
"Azi has ordered a AGA slideshow from their catalogue and it should be here
any day now and we will also be releasing 'Amiga Format September
coverdisk', we will have it at least 3 hours before anyone else so it
really is a major release!"
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ROAR STATEMENT
Date: Wed, 18 Aug 93 14:20:09 PDT
From: Roar Team
Subject: File 12--More Roar
Look out for the next issue of ROAR coming in two weeks, we are looking for
some cool asciis, so Ascii artists please add them to your collections, thanx
in advance.
If you want to write for this mag, contact us, you know who we are if you are
truly elite!
Traders use this description;
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The REAL scene Magazine!
Issue 1:1 08:20:93
EOF.
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^ O hOUR aMIGA & cONSOLES ^ aNSI^aSCII ^
»»» rEMEMBER: aLL aCCOUNTS fROM "nO rESPECT!" aRE aCTIVE hERE «««
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