DOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOSDOS h 0801N you," storm out of the room and slam the door. Get rid of the plant, but 0801N keep the pot. Refuse to discuss the plant ever again. 0801N 0801N16. Buy a Jack-In-The-Box. Every day, turn the handle until the clown pops 0801N out. Scream continuously for twenty minutes. 0801N 0801N17. Hang up pictures of chickens all over the room. If your roommate eats 0801N eggs, yell at him/her and call him/her a cannibal. 0801N 0801N18. Buy some knives. Sharpen them e Ճ՛very night. While you're doing so, look at 0801N your roommate and mutter, "Soon, soon...." 0801N 0801N19. Lock the door while your roommate is out. When he/she comes back and 0801N tries to unlock it, yell, "Don't come in, I'm naked!" Keep this up for 0801N several hours. When you finally let your roommate in, immediately take 0801N off all of your clothes, and ignore your roommate. 0801N 0801N20. Bring in potential "new" roommates from around campus. Give them t e~ours of 0801N the room and the building. Have them ask about your roommate in front of 0801N him/her, and reply, "Oh, him/her? He/she won't be here much longer." 0801N 0801N21. If your roommate comes home after midnight, hit him/her on the head with 0801N a rolling pin. Immediately go to bed, muttering, "Ungrateful little..." 0801N 0801N22. Pile dirty dishes in your roommate's bed. Insist that you don't know how 0801N they got there. 0801N 0801N23. Collect hundr %'eds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one 0801N pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil. *!EOF ever again. 0801N 0801N16. Buy a Jack-In-The-Box. Every day, turn the handle until the clown pops 0801N out. Scream continuously for twenty minutes. 0801N 0801N17. Hang up pictures of chickens all over the room. If your roommate eats 0801N eggs, yell at him/her and call him/her a cannibal. 0801N 0801N18. Buy some knives. Sharpen them e 0 futurax 24 0 1 0 768 0 20 microknight 8 0 6 0 768 0 45 microknight 8 0 6 0 768 0 70 microknight 8 0 6 0 768 0 95 microknight 8 0 6 0 768 0 120 microknight 8 0 6 25010009 1 768 0 *!EOM 130 2421Y00F07futurax24Y00C3NPanda News 3219Y00F05basic32Y00C4NJude/Panda 0820Y00F11microknight08N 0806Y00C1NThis is the place where you can find out about all the latest news on the 0801NPanda F҈grapevine. This section will be kept regularly updated and fresh with 0801Nthe latest gossip, rumours and factual bits and pieces that the huge Panda 0801Nmonster machine spouts. 0801N 0801NIf you have a story for the Panda news section then send it to me (Jude) via 0801Nthe touch of the email and it'll be in here straight away. 0801N 0801N 0806Y00C2N10.03.98 0806Y00C6N 0801NNew members keep on joining the Panda team. The latest prospective member is 0801Na long term frie &nd of the group. His real name is Chris, he loves tantric sex 0801N(yes just like real-life idol Sting) and claims he can maintain a state of 0801Nstiffness for upwards of 14 hours. We're just waiting for a photo and a 0801Nhandle and he'll be a signed up member of the group. Can you wait? You'll 0801Nfind out more here first. 0801N 0801NChris will provide articles for the Zoo and will perform other vital 0801Nteam-bonding tasks in Panda. 0801N 0801N 0801N 0806Y00C2N18.02. 498 0806Y00C6N 0801NThose worried about the Lord Lucan like disapearance of Lord Longford 0801Nlook-a-like Cachet will be comforted to know that he has turned up okay after 0801Nour worries. The Flea claimed it was down to him playing Quake, I myself 0801Nsuspected demons to be at play in the workings. The true explanation, in as 0801Nmuch as it was made up by Cachet, was to proove even more sinister than we 0801Ncould possibly imagine. Cachet writes: 0801N"Sorry I havn`t talk WZed to you for so long and it isn`t because I`ve been 0801Nplaying Quake (more like writing it at the moment - which I have to add is 0801Nbeing done on the AMIGA). The main reason is more to do with my recent 0801Nhospital visit :-) I decided that my left hand had become a little too 0801Ninfected at the place where you burned it so I wandered over to the local 0801Ndoctors. It seems that the burn was made at the crossroads of three veins and 0801Nwas deep enough to let the inf ection spread "very close" to them. This in 0801Nturn made my hand go "kinda funny" with blotches and stuff, I would have in 0801Nthought it funny but I couldn`t, hmmm.. sort of made it a bugger to write 0801Nthings. SO after a long time they sent me off to get some funny dripping 0801Nstuff that you put on the "area", it sort of hurts a lot and makes a funny 0801Nfizzing sound, its kinda cool :-) So, err, i hope that explains my lack of 0801Ntyping :-) Thanks." 0801N 0801N  S0806Y00C2N 0801N12.01.98 0806Y00C6N 0801NZoo 4 is delayed real bad this time. Now there's a surprise. We might end up 0801Nwith a html version so that others can read it and all. Now that's news. 0801N 0806Y00C2N 0801N 0801N2.01.98 0806Y00C6N 0801NIt is with grear relief that we say goodbye to Uncle Jack. Although never a 0801Nbig man in the group his compassion and lack of integrity often moved grown 0801Nmen to tears and mountains into mole's holes. 0801N 0801NJack never really got it. He says he wants to leave to "pursue other things" 0801Nnamely his chief intrest himself. Self indulgent and ill-advised to the last 0801NJack will be producing no more for Panda, at least in a proper capacity 0801Nalthough his hare-brained ad-hoc element remains firmly lodged in the group 0801Nmentality. 0801N 0801NFishboy said "I felt he was a father figure" "or an uncle", felt Mr. Kevin. 0801N 0801NBye Jack. 0801N 0801N 0801N 0806Y00C2N17.12.97 0801 F`)N 0806Y00C6NTrikseR has now joined as an official member of Panda. Introduced to the 0801NPanda gang by commrade Flea he sounds like a really nice person. Here's some 0801Nblurb that The Flea sent us on him: 0801N 0801NTriksteR, also known to his friends as PK, is an ex-Amiga user who is now 0801Nrather attached to his swanky new P120 laptop. He is a young Panda 0801Nprogrammer/3D artist. Since starting to learn to program his knowledge of the 0801Nsubject has raced ahead in  4much the same way as a snail does. His 3D 0801Nanimations are, however, nothing short of revolutionary, in that they often 0801Ninvolve things revolving around other things. 0801N 0801NHis hobbies include: 0801N 0801NPretending to learn C 0801NWatching "Hackers" 0801NHanging around seedy internet chat boards 0801NMoaning that external CD drives for laptops cost too much 0801NWalking round looking like a "Syndicate" reject 0801N 0806Y00C2N 0801N 0801N15.12.97 0806Y00C6N f 0801NCachet has proposed the following for the future of Panda: 0801N 0801N"what I might suggest is starting a PC division of the group consisting of 0801Nthe same members as we have now but co-poducing some of the stuff on the PC 0801Nas well as the Amiga" 0801N 0801NAlthough Panda will remain commited to the Amiga this seems like a good 0801Nsuggestion in order to keep the group revitalised. The suggestion is 0801Ncurrently under consideration. 0801N 0806Y00C2N 0801N  B0801N15.12.97 0806Y00C6N 0801NPanda's latest game Zunzar (a swift-action bomberman clone coded by Cachet 0801Nwith GFX by Fishboy) has been temporarily delayed. What will happen to it is 0801Na mystery, but until it comes out we've realised these screenshots (see 0801Narticle) to keep you guessing. As you can see it sure looks impressive and 0801Nshould keep fans of the genre happy until the cows and the sheep and the 0801Nhorses come on home to roost. 0801N 0806Y00C2N 0801 &MN 0801N15.12.97 0806Y00C6N 0801NTwo new members are currently being admitted into the Panda gang. 0801NTrixster/Firehazard is a programmer based in the Liverpool area and we've 0801Nalso heard from another programmer, Arizona Stafford interested in Amiga and 0801NPC programming. *!EOF guessing. As you can see it sure looks impressive and 0801Nshould keep fans of the genre happy until the cows and the sheep and the 0801Nhorses come on home to roost. 0801N 0806Y00C2N 0801$e 0 roman 16 0 1 0 4 0 21 prime 8 0 5 0 4 0 46 prime 8 0 5 0 4 0 71 prime 8 0 5 0 4 0 96 prime 8 0 5 0 4 0 121 prime 8 0 5 0 4 0 146 prime 8 0 5 0 4 0 171 prime 8 0 5 0 4 0 *!EOM 188 1619Y00F05roman16Y00C1NMiles Apple `69 Interview 1601Nwith John & Yoko 1601NPart 1 1218Y00F04ruby12Y00C3NBy Miles 0819Y00F05prime08Y00C5N 0801NMiles: Abbey Road, >>rthen. Does Come Together relate to you getting more 0801Ninvovled with the so-called underground in the last year or so? 0801N 0801NJohn Lennon: I don't know about the underground - I don't believe it exists. 0801NLeary was saying, "Write me a song" for his campaign. And his campaign 0801Nslogan was "Come Together". But obviously Come Together is not a good 0801Ncampaign song. It didn't work out - it ended up like that, a funky bit of 0801Nrock. I've got another one for Xhim. 0801N 0801NMiles: Something? 0801N 0801NLennon: That's George. A great song, I think. Possibly s single in the 0801NStates. If I can get Come Together on the backside I will be very pleased. 0801NJust so I can listen to it without listening to the whole album. 0801N 0801NMiles: Maxwell's Silver Hammer? 0801N 0801NLennon: That's McCartney, as you might know. We don't really write together 0801Nany more. We haven't written together for two years. Not really, y\ou know. 0801NJust occasional bits we help. 0801N 0801NMiles: How does that affect you when you're playing then? 0801N 0801NLennon: It doesn't make any odds who writes them. It's when The Beatles 0801Nperform that makes it into Beatle music. It's a long time since we've sat 0801Ndown and written together for many reasons, because we used to write together 0801Nmainly on tour. Then there was a valid reason for it. It got false - "Come 0801Nround to our house and we'll w\rite some songs" - it doesn't work any more. 0801N 0801NMiles: You still go into a studio - isn't that a great ideas place? 0801N 0801NLennon: With Come Together I just said to them, "I've got no arrangement for 0801Nyou, but you know how I want it. Give me something funky." And they play 0801Nlike that. I think that's partly because we've played together for a long 0801Ntime. I'll set a beat maybe and they'll all just join in. 0801N 0801NMiles: Octopus' Garden? 0801NN 0801NLennon: That's Ringo - we all sing on that and we all helped on the 0801Narrangement or whatever. 0801N 0801NMiles: What's your attitude towards heavy blues? 0801N 0801NLennon: I love it, you know. I've always liked it. We used to play it at 0801Ncollege. We were allowed to play rock `n` roll by infiltrating, by playing 0801Nblues at art school, because they would only let you play trad jazz on the 0801Nart school record player. So I got myself voted onto the c}ommittee so that 0801Nwe could play rock `n` roll. We could get the snobs by playing them blues - 0801Nwhich was all right. All that Leadbelly, Bo Diddley... 0801N 0801NMiles: There seems to be a whole range of music on Abbey Road. 0801N 0801NLennon: I suppose it's because I do what I like, Paul does what he likes, 0801Nand George and Ringo. We just divide the album up between ourselves. It's 0801Nmore apparant on the double album. It's always been that really, and the!aP 0801Ncombination of the music is what we call pure Beatle. Like It's Getting 0801NBetter where we've all written it and we've all turned into pure Beatle. 0801N 0801N I want to sound like Come Together and I Want You all the time, which I 0801Nalways did and I always do - Dizzy Miss Lizzy and whatever, I wanted to be 0801Nthat guy. And Paul wants to be whoever it is he wants to be. And George. 0801NSo when the combination does it, we come out with what we term Beatle mus n[9yic. 0801N 0801NMiles: Do you no longer have a direction that the whole group is going in? 0801N 0801NLennon: We never did. I mean, it was just whoever was pushing the limits of 0801Nthe bag at the time. You know, we often all pushed at the same point. There 0801Nwas never, "This is the way we are going". 0801N 0801NMiles: No, but there seemed to be atype of music one could identify as 0801NBeatle music which had elements of all four personalities in it. 0801N 0801NLe -\nnon: Well does that no longer exist? I don't know, you see, I can't 0801Nreally be objective about it. 0801N 0801NMiles: On this album I thought probaly it didn't. 0801N 0801NLennon: Well, did it exist on The Beatles double album? 0801N 0801NMiles: To a greater extent, and even more on Sgt. Pepper. 0801N 0801NLennon: As far as we're concerned, this album is more Beatle than the double 0801Nalbum. Because that was just saying, "This is my song, we'll do it this way.  *' 0801NThat's your song, you do it that way." 0801N 0801NMiles: How do you concieve of an album these days? Do you have a vast array 0801Nof material? 0801N 0801NLennon: There's an awful lot of songs. It's pretty hard trying to fit three 0801Nguys' music onto one album, that's why we did a double. It's hard to bring 0801Nout double albums all the time, it takes us a long time. So we probably 0801Noutlet them in other things like Plastic Ono, or George gets Jesus and the   0801Nsomething else. That's the only way we can do it really. We don't have 0801Nconceptions of albums. I think Paul has conceptions of albums - or attempts 0801Nit. Like he concieved the medley thing. I'm not interested in the 0801Nconception of an album. All I'm interested in is the sound. I like it to be 0801Nwhatever happens. I'm not interested in making the album into a show. I 0801Njust put 14 rock songs on. 0801N 0801NMiles: The idea of the track at the very   ?end... 0801N 0801NLennon: We like gags, you know, we always have. We like little jokes and 0801Nsuprises at the end of things. 0801N 0801NMiles: There seems to be a bit of stage act... 0801N 0801NLennon: We've got a bit of that too... 0801N 0801NMiles: Do you long for those days? 0801N 0801NLennon: I don't long for them, no. We stopped doing it because it was a 0801Ndrag. But I dug performing in Toronto and I didn't have that Beatles 0801Nmystique to live up to, ! MRwhich is the drag about performing with The Beatles. 0801NYou've got to be The Beatles. But performing is a groove, I enjoyed it like 0801Nmad, even if I did have to sing Dizzy Miss Lizzy and Money again because 0801Nthey're the only things I know! It was just the performance was good. With 0801Na different band it was very good. 0801N 0801NMiles: Do you think you will do anything else like that again? 0801N 0801NLennon: Yes, sure. I'm bound to now I've had a taste of i"I2kt. Not going out 0801Nas a Beatle. Nothing's expected of John and Yoko or the Plastic Ono. They 0801Ncould be anything or perform anything. So with that sort of freedom there's 0801Nno hang-ups. 0801N 0801NMiles: How much do you think Yoko's influenced you? 0801N 0801NLennon: Well, a lot. She's now 50 per cent of me. 0801N 0801NYoko Ono: We influence each other. 0801N 0801NMiles: How about the stuff you write for The Beatles as opposed to the stuff 0801Nyou do so#Klo... 0801N 0801NLennon: (interrupting) I don't write for The Beatles, I write for myself. 0801NSo I'm influenced by whatever's going on at the time. I'm in love and that's 0801Nthe end of it. So every time I pick up the guitar I sing about Yoko and 0801Nthat's how I'm influenced. I am obviously influenced by her ideas and her 0801Ncoming from that other field, so-called avant garde or underground or 0801Nwherever she came from. She came in through the bathroom window. S$Cohe 0801Nencouraged the freak in me. 0801N 0801NOno: He had all these things in him that were just a little bit outside the 0801Nframe of Beatles. It was all there. We stimulated each other, woke each 0801Nother up. 0801N 0801NMiles: How did that affect The Beatles? 0801N 0801NLennon: Well you'll have to ask them... 0801N 0801NMiles: As one quarter of them... 0801N 0801NLennon: I can't say how. I know it has affected us, obviously, me getting 0801Nmarried to Yoko%I_, and Paul getting married to Linda. Everything affects them, 0801Nbut how I don't know. 0801N 0801NMiles: The things you're doing don't seem to have given rise to new subjects 0801Nfor your songs yet. 0801N 0801NLennon: What is there to sing about? On the album I sing about Mean Mr 0801NMustard and Polythene Pam, but they are only finished bits of crap that I 0801Nwrote in India. But when I get down to it, I'm only interested in Yoko and 0801Npeace, so if I can sing ab&#*out them again and again - it's only like I'm going 0801Nthrough my blue period as a painter. And I'll do that 'til I get tired. I 0801Ncan always write Mr Kite and those songs any time of day. But when I get 0801Ndown to it, I like funky music. I like rock or blues or whatever you call 0801Nit. On 24 Hours [TV show transmitted in 1969 that followed the Lennons about 0801Ntheir daily life] they sardonically read out I Want You - "I want you, she's 0801Nso heavy". That's a'll it says but to me that's a damn sight better lyric 0801Nthan Walrus or Eleanor Rigby because it's progression to me. And if I want 0801Nto write songs with on words or one word... maybe that's Yoko's influence. 0801N 0801N When it get's down to it, awopbobaloola et cetera is great, and that's 0801Nwhat I'm getting round to. I remember in the early meetings with Dylan, 0801NDylan was always saying to me "Listen to the words, man". And I said, "I 0801Ncan't be bothered, IKI just like listening to the sound of it, the sound of the 0801Noverall things." And then I reversed that and started being a words man. I 0801Nam naturally, playing with words anyway. That's when I made a conscious 0801Neffort to be wordy, la Dylan. But now I've relieved myself of that burden 0801Nand I'm only interested in pure sound. 0801N 0801NContinued In Part 2 *!EOF ylan was always saying to me "Listen to the words, man". And I said, "I 0801Ncan't be bothered, )iQ` 0 roman 16 0 1 0 3 0 21 prime 8 0 5 0 3 0 46 prime 8 0 5 0 3 0 71 prime 8 0 5 0 3 0 96 prime 8 0 5 0 3 0 121 prime 8 0 5 0 3 0 146 prime 8 0 5 0 3 0 171 prime 8 0 5 18806507 1 3 0 *!EOM 176 1619Y00F05roman16Y00C1NMiles Apple `69 Interview 1601Nwith John & Yoko 1601NPart 2 1218Y00F04ruby12Y00C3Nby Miles 0819Y00F05prime08Y00C5N 0801NContinued fr*om part 1 0801N 0801NMiles: Do you think that your future recordings will be getting more and 0801Nmore instrumental? 0801N 0801NLennon: I don't know. A voice, like Yoko's modulation - I'm interested in 0801Nthat - we did that in Toronto too. We did Blue Suede Shoes and ended up 0801Ndoing Cambridge 69, only with all of us blasting it. Fantastic. It's just 0801Npure sound. 0801N 0801N The thing that got me about Heartbreak Hotel in the early days was I 0801Ncouldn'+wt hear what he was saying. It was just the experience of hearing it 0801Nand having my hair stand on end. I don't care what the words are about and 0801Nif there are going to be words, they can either be rubbish, which is just 0801Nword play - or "I love and you love me and let's get together", you know? 0801NBecause I don't want to sing about suburbia. 0801N 0801NMiles: So, the whole middle period is sort of over with The Beatles, the 0801Nreally complex... 0801N 0801NLe,6nnon: ...I think that one note is as complex as anything, but I can't go 0801Non the rest of my life explaining that to music critics who want complex 0801Nharmonies, tonal cadences and all that crap. I'm a primative so I'm not 0801Ninterested in that. And it was quite flattering at the time to hear all that 0801Ncrap about The Beatles but I don't believe it, you know. Paul himself said 0801Nin 1962 in his house, "We'll end up with a one-note pop song". And I believe 0801N-1+it, you know. I can groove to the sound of electricity in the house, or the 0801Nwater pipes. A lot of people do groove to that, but if I lay it down on 0801Nrecord and say, "This is a John and Yoko record!" then we're going to get all 0801N"Who do you think you are? This isn't Cage." And they intellectualise about 0801Nwhat Cage and Stockhausen do, and say "You're not doing it because you're 0801Nonly playing a teaspoon" - that's crap. 0801N 0801NMiles: Don't you think y.O'ou have to explain it? 0801N 0801NLennon: Why do I have to explain what a sound is? I mean, we all sit by the 0801Nsea and listen to it, and nobody says, "This sea is good because it is 0801Nreminiscent of childhood experiences when we were at the seaside" or "it's 0801Nlike your mother's water" or anything like that. 0801N 0801NOno: A genuine emotion, that's what we're aiming at. People say we're 0801Nhowling and all that - I don't know... 0801N 0801NLennon: My school/ boy magazine was called the Daily Howl. 0801N 0801NOno: Really? 0801N 0801NLennon: Yes, I invented it. 0801N 0801NOno: Well, there you go. It's sort of a spiritual howl, you know - when 0801Npeople come to an extreme emotion, genuine or whatever. You can't explain it 0801Nin words. Words are like a sort of ritual. 0801N 0801NLennon: You grunt when you come, you know... 0801N 0801NMiles: I accept the validity of the music, but I was just wondering how you 0801Nbri0C,ng along the audience - The Beatles have got five or six million teenybop 0801Nfans. 0801N 0801NLennon: Yes... I don't know what Revolution No 9 had on the teenybopper fans 0801Nbut most of them didn't dig it, so what am I supposed to do? I probably 0801Nwon't impose it on a Beatles album. Life With The Lions sold 60,000 in the 0801NStates. I'm very exicited, it's nothing on Beatles sales but it's a lot of 0801Nalbums for that music. Maybe some of them were Beatlemaniacs  1Mhwho thought 0801Nthey were going to get something else, but I think they might have guessed by 0801Nnow after Two Virgins. I can't keep framming it in Beatle music to sort of 0801Nbring along the people. How many Revolution No 9s am I going to get on an 0801Nalbum, you know? 0801N 0801NMiles: It's probably the most important direction that The Beatles have 0801Ngone, this new approach of getting down to the more simple areas. 0801N 0801NLennon: You know, I think it is to 2<] o... 0801N 0801NMiles: I knew Yoko's work about five or six years ago. I was hoping the two 0801Nwould combine - and they combine but not quite that obviously. 0801N 0801NLennon: You would have dug the Toronto show then. With a rock 'n' roll 0801Naudience we didn't know how the reaction would be. But something magical 0801Nhappened that night. The fact that it affected Eric [Clapton] and Klaus 0801N[Voorman] and Alan [White] - they really got turned on by that experienc 3ƋQe. 0801NThe whole thing really was a big, big turn on. And it was like a new 0801Ndirection. We didn't do anything that Yoko hadn't done with Ornette Coleman 0801Nat the Albert Hall. Conceptually you think you're going to howl and the 0801Nmusicians are going to play, but the difference between Ornette Coleman 0801Nintellectualising that jazz - which is just to me intellectual literary crap 0801Ncoming out of a trumpet, or whatever he plays - and just playing rock 'n' 0801N 4Eroll or just playing the amplifier is tremendous. 0801N 0801NOno: I was intuitive, and os when I followed even, say, Ornette, you can see 0801Nimmediately that Ornette's job is highly intellectualised, sophisticated 0801Nstuff. And I'm howling, and the combination is not a combination really, 0801Nit's not merging. But then I met John who was having the same kind of 0801Nproblem. He was always having to cut himself down for The Beatles. And 0801Nplaying old stuff by himse 5klf at home. And I've heard some of that freaked- 0801Nout stuff. This time it was really very easy, because both of us are basicaly 0801Nintuitive people and we are noraml oddballs. And you know what they say, 0801Nwhen two people dream it's a reality... We were like in a dream state and 0801Nthen he came and we started to make love. 0801N 0801NLennon: I've never heard any avant garde stuff that I'd wanna bring in. I'd 0801Nsooner have 10 Eric Claptons. I'd sooner get a S6alvation Army Band than a 0801Nlot of avant garde people to squeak and ply all that intellectual crap. I 0801Nthink anything'svalid, but if Yoko says, "This is a particular performer that 0801NI recommend and we should perform with him", then I'd do it, but anything 0801NI've heard has always left me cold. I haven't heard anything better than a 0801Ncar engine yet. 0801N 0801NOther journalist: You say that you don't want to intellectualise - most 0801Npeople feel that you 7$have started to do that by getting into bags and sitting 0801Nin bed, and they just don't understand. 0801N 0801NLennon: But I haven't started to intellectualise at all - all I do is get 0801Ninto a bag you know, literally. 0801N 0801NOther jouranlist: And that was it, forget it? 0801N 0801NLennon: Yes that is the end of the experience. 0801N 0801NOno: I mean, what's so intellectual about getting into a bag? 0801N 0801NLennon: If I painted myself blue what could we d8$c4o about it? If there's a 0801Nconcert on and for my party turn I want to be painted blue there's nothing to 0801Nintellectualise about. 60,000 kids in America are having no trouble with 0801NLife With The Lions. There's always going to be people complaining because 0801Nwe left the Cavern and went to work in Manchester, you know? That's all it 0801Nis, really: how dare I leave the Cavern and jump into a bag in the Albert 0801NHall? But I can't wait around for these people 9@to decide they'd like me to 0801Ngo tap dancing. 0801N 0801N I'm just moving out, or pressing the outer limits of whatever's going on, 0801Nand people say, "I don't understand why you're leaving your cosy rut and 0801Ndoing something else. Why don't you stay where we can recognise you?" 0801NThere's no time to wait for people to understand why I've grown a beard or 0801Nwhy I've shaved it off, or why I want to be naked or why I want to stand on 0801Nmy head. If people wai:0ted for people to understand everything they did, 0801Nnothing would ever be done. 0801N 0801N I'm not a politician so I don't rely on public opinion as to how I run my 0801Nlife - I refuse to do that. I mean, I don't even consider it. For a 0801Npolitician to go into a white bag in the Albert Hall he'd have to consider 0801Nthe effects it would have on his constituents, but I'm not a politician and I 0801Ndon't owe anyhting other than I create something, whatever it is, a;!nd they 0801Naccept it or reject it on its own merits and not on any pre-conceived 0801Nideas... 0801N 0801N Nothing pressurised me into going to Toronto and performing with Yoko. 0801NJust felt like it. Somebody rang up and I said "OK" and we were invited to 0801Nthe Albert Hall and we thought, What shall we do? Let's do the bag. I'd 0801Nnever done it before and it was going to be that kind of evening, with Jack 0801NMoore painting lines or whatever, so we did somethin The Micro Chips Are Up! 0801N> 0801N> Fenton Hardy of Little Boulder Kansas was so keen on computers that foo1ur a 0801N> joke he shoved the side of a IBM motherboard up his own rectum-hole. But 0801N> the joke went sour when Fenton's arse turned gammy and sceptic and Doctor's 0801N> told him that he may have "dislodged" his larger intestine! 0801N> 0801N> THATS ALL FOR NOW BUT I'LL KEEP THIS REGULAR SO ENJOY. 0806Y00C5N 0801N"doesnt sound like fenton will keep anything regular for quite some time! 0801Ngook" 0806Y00C3N 0801N[this is now Jude again] What a fine response. 0801N 0pp?801Nand now a new true story. 0801N 0801N 1223Y00F04ruby12Y00J1Y00C2NThe Good Old Boys 0821Y00F07pcclone08Y00J0N 0806Y00C3NPensioners in Bournemouth are so bored that they've devised a new form of 0801Nentertainment that also gives them a supplimentry benefit on top of thir 0801Nhearty pension. Bob Soames (72) and Charlie Pastie (age withheld) have gone 0801Non the game to amuse and arose their fellow pensioners. The 2 rent o.a.p.s 0801Ncharge 2 bob a time, often recievingqhH a (finger) tip on top of it. Charlie 0801Ncomments, "It's good honest work like the sort you don't see nowadays what 0801Nwith all this television and Shane Ritchie and the like. Me and Bob got our 0801Nfront room done up nice for the punters with a few old horse brasses given a 0801Npolish and it does look lovely with the stags head as well." Bob, who lost 0801Nhis leg in the second world war when it was blown off due to freak weather is 0801Nthe most popular of the 2 men ( for his novelty amputie value: "sometimes the 0801Nyoung men in their 20s and 30s ask me to wear my medals when I'm being 0801Nbuggered, but that would be disrespectful to the honour of the Queen and 0801Ncountry and I might get them soiled." 0801N 0811Y00C5Y00S4NWELL NOW YOU KNOW THAT WE'VE REACHED THE CAPITAL LETTERS AND THATS YOUR LOT. 0811Y00S0Y00C3NSo sorry. If you have a story to solicit then don't hesitate. *!EOF o freak weather is 0801Nthe most popular of the 2 men syQ 0 ruby 15 0 1 0 544 0 23 pcclone 8 0 3 0 544 0 47 pcclone 8 0 3 38208707 1 544 0 *!EOM 58 1523Y00F04ruby15Y00C2Y00J1NMailing List 3 1218Y00F04ruby12Y00C3NJude of Panda 0824Y00F05prime08Y00C1Y00J0N 0801NThe following is the latest news on my mailing list... edited a little bit! 0801NIf you have email and want to get on any future mail outs of mine then email 0801Nme at: judeobscure@goecities.com 0816Y00F07pcclone08N 0811Y00C2t#Y00J1N-- 0811Y00C3Y00J0N 0801NI see no reason to stop doing these mailouts to you all so I'll carry on, but 0801Nit has come to my attention that others may be abusing me - technicaly taking 0801Nthis mailing list and mailing out their own peverse contributions. This is 0801Nfine by me. In the case of Sam Penny, who provided fast and efficent details 0801Non the new Red Dwarf film (which could be animated with voices provided by 0806Y45C4NKate Robbins and Barry Took) but Clhu"C8, alias --- I'm sorry some fucking 0801Nsloane has just decided to use a mobile phone and make himself the butt of 0806Y27C3Neven the paupers jokes. --- Chrislh8 has used this list to publicly question 0801Nmy sanity. As you will know by now this is a dangerous activity... would you 0801Ngive brandy to an alcoholic?, so to publicly goad my insecurities about my 0801Nmental wellbeing is tantamount to bloody-bloody scratching at a bloody-bloody 0801Ngash in my fore-arm. 0801N vv 0801NThere is only one story today and this is it... the only major piece of news 0801Ncurrently doing the rounds: 0801N 0801N 1223Y00F04ruby12Y00C2Y00J1NKirk and Scotty in pyscho-sexual-death-pact 0826Y00F07pcclone08Y00C3Y00J0N 0801NActors William Shatner and James Dooham may not have spoken to each other off 0801Nset in 18 long years but it has transpired that there were reasons behind the 0801N2 big men's silence. Shatner, now 67 and Dooham, now 66 but once younger and w'0801Nslimmer were secretly involved in behind the scenes games with 0801Nauto-asphyixiation and soddomy. At one point Shats reached an incredible 23 0801Nstone as he worried about Dooham hitting him round the choppers. As his 0801Ntrousers balooned he lost his composure and could be frequently found 0801Nbed-wetting his wife and striking his tabby-cat, Aiguely with a leg of lamb, 0801Ntempting her near to him. Shats lost all control of his motor skills and 0801Nsweated in hix0s own pools of stool-encrusted skin, constricted under his 0801Ngirdle restrained fat-Elvis waistline. Doohan, who regualy enjoyed abusing 0801Nslanty-eyed young Belgian boys old enough to be his father, admitted that 0801Nthings had gone to far when in the fun-filled feature lengther, Star Trek 5 0801Nhe believed that he really did meet god and he liked it: "I was hooked. 0801NYeah I was hooked. There was this fucking ball of white light stuff. It was 0801Ngod he fucking lyc+]oves me. Lots" Shatner reports similar events: "I didn't 0801Ngive a crap about saving those sperm whales you know. All that mattered to 0801Nme was seeing Doohan chained up as I lacerated his vulnerable corpse about 0801Nthe windpipe." The games may have ended but there is an undeniable tension 0801Nbetween the two men who came close to dieing many times, as their over-sexed 0801Ngames went too far. "We're both fat and old now but I'd do it again Bill, 0801Nanytime" comme lnts Dooham. Shats himself was unavalible to comment, too busy 0801Npainting the pretty cover to his new novel `Tech-Guns and Things` the 28th 0801Nnovel in the series he pretends to write. 0801N 0811Y00S4Y00C5NYOU'VE REACHED THE CAPS AND THAT MEANS I'VE REACHED MY TETHER BUT THEY'LL BE 0801NMORE. 0816Y00S0Y00C4Y00C3N 0806Y00J1NSend your comments... join the fans, tease the critics. *!EOF nt too far. "We're both fat and old now but I'd do it again Bill, 0801Nanytime" comme{*c!@ 0 avantg 14 0 1 0 1282 0 21 sharp 8 0 5 0 1282 0 46 sharp 8 0 5 0 1282 0 71 sharp 8 0 5 0 1282 0 94 sharp 8 0 5 22206220 1 1282 0 *!EOM 101 1420Y00F06avantg14Y00C4NOPEN YOUR EARS AND HEAR THE KIDS SING 1401N(Garage music and why you should stop slagging it) 2421Y00F07futurax24Y00C2Nby FishBoy of Panda 0819Y00F05sharp08Y00C4N 0806Y00C5NShut up moaning and listen. Garage bands are cool, and thats|W it. 0801N 0801NLets just clear some shit up first: Garage music is about songwriting and 0801Nmusicianship. Garage music does'nt just come from Punk. It comes from 0801N50 years of Blues, Metal, Rock, Pop, Indie AND Punk. Don't ever give me that 0811Y00C1Y19C5N"Its just 3 chords" shite. (And neither is punk while we're at it). 0801N 0801NAlso, garage singers don't just shout. I don't know how this got about but 0801Njust cause they don't sound like the people on the latest S}ohhine compilation 0801Ndoesn't mean they can't or don't sing, try opening your mind a bit. 0801N 0801NFinally, the big fuck up that most people make about garage music. Garage 0801Nmusic is not and never will be about ignoring your sound. People think that 0801Nbecause the record is'nt completely clean of static and feedback then the 0801Nband don't care. A garage bands sound is a point of pride and a good band 0801Ncares infinetly about it. It comes not only from the minds ~of the musicians 0801Nbut also from their knackerd second hand instruments and amps and their 0801Nfucked up playing techniques. 0801N 0801NIf what you've just read does'nt sound cool then look at yourself in the 0801Nmirror. Look like one of the Charlatans? ARGHH! YOUR A FAKE INDIE KID! Do you 0801Nhonestly think Tim Burgess would think you cool if he met you in the street? 0801NNo, he'd kick your sorry arse, steal your old school Adidas trainers and tell 0801Nyou not to conkyme back for them till you're cool enougth to have the honour of 0801Nwearing them. While you're off trying to work out what he meant then listen 0801Nto the Charlatans own dopeass tribute to instrumental garage music: Area 51 0801N(yeah, the one you always skip past on your CD player cause "Its got no words 0801Nin".). 0801N 0801NSo what does this stuff SOUND like? The wierd thing is you KNOW what garage 0801Nmusic is without anyone telling you. You've read the above stuff 'and when you 0801Nhear it you will KNOW. 0801N 0801NSo remember, you were born knowing what garage music was. Your brain was 0801NDESIGNED to hear it. If you don't listen to it then you are a deviant freak 0801Nof nature. This is more then opinion. I have'nt met a single person worth 0801Nknowing who does'nt like garage music to some degree. 0801N 0801NSo how come people slag it off all the time? Shit, I don't know how to answer 0801Nthat. Maybe they heard one of the more *vexperimental or agressive songs and 0801Nassumed all garage was some fucked up punk girl with a banshee wail. Maybe 0801Nits the names of the bands, or maybe the thought of buying a record that has 0801Nnever been played on the radio in this country and that nobody has ever heard 0801Nof scares the shit out of them. I don't know, but if you listen with an open 0801Nmind and don't say: "This sucks" if you don't like the first song you hear 0801Nthen you'll see why people love it~}~ too. 0801N 0801NOkay, so why do I love garage above any other type of music? 0801N 0801NShit. Everything. From the guitar sounds to the singing to the sheer coolness 0801Nof the bands the songs and the record sleeves themselves. More noticeable, 0801Nthe voices and the things the singers do with their voices. And no one garage 0801Nband in the world has ever had a weak name. Check: 0801N 0801NJonny X And The Conspiracy, Lord High Fixers, Urusei Yatsura, ? And the 0801NMyst 'werons, Man Or Astroman?, Dead End Cruisers. (and check the ones listed 0801Nbelow too). 0801N 0801NThere's no dumbshit conformity either. Every rock band in the world seems to 0801Nbe using that quiet / loud / quiet / loud dynamic on every song. If a garage 0801Nsong starts quiet then it fucking stays quiet and if you can't handle that 0801Nthen you should'nt be listening to music at all, you should be buying up 0801Nrecordings of heavy duty farm equipment. 0801N 0801NAnd of  M course garage music will never die. It just keeps evolving, taking 0801Nfrom other, newer forms of music, yet always keeping the identity it has had 0801Nsince the 70's. 0801N 0801NHow to get some garage music: 0801N 0801NGo into that dodgy looking record store that still sells stuff on vinyl and 0801Nthat all your mates are too scared to go into. Try to get stuff on vinyl but 0801Nif you have'nt got a record player then CD will do. Tapes are just taking 0801Nthe piss. Don Ǵ?'t worry about buying any of this stuff and not liking it, if 0801Nyou read the above and thought garage sounded cool then you'll like these 0801Nbands: 0914Y00F05prime09N 0906Y00C1NThe La-Donnas, 0901NWeston, 0901NThe Lord High Fixers, 0901NThe Leopards, 0901NThe John Spencer Blues Explosion, 0901NUrusei Yatsura, 0901NMan Or Astroman, 0901NRocket From The Crypt (heavily commercialised but still dope), 0901NJ-Church, 0901NOne Inch Punch, 0819Y00F05sharp08Y00C5N 0801NAl Gso listen to the John Peel show on Radio 1 and buy as many 4 quid sample 0801Ncompilations on CD from the punk section of the store as you can afford 0801N(these usually have some garage bands on them). 0801N 0801NAfter buying a few of these start trying to buy records just by the names of 0801Nthe bands and the record sleeve covers. But don't go mad and buy the whole 0801Nsale section of the store because your bound to get burned. Take it easy and 0801Neventually you'll be ab ?Sle to recognize a good record without ever hearing it. *!EOF id sample 0801Ncompilations on CD from the punk section of the store as you can afford 0801N(these usually have some garage bands on them). 0801N 0801NAfter buying a few of these start trying to buy records just by the names of 0801Nthe bands and the record sleeve covers. But don't go mad and buy the whole 0801Nsale section of the store because your bound to get burned. Take it easy and 0801Neventually you'll be ab# 0 goghb 23 0 1 0 258 0 20 prime 8 0 6 0 258 0 45 prime 8 0 6 0 258 0 70 prime 8 0 1 0 258 0 95 prime 8 0 1 0 258 0 120 prime 8 0 1 0 258 0 145 prime 8 0 1 0 258 0 170 prime 8 0 1 0 258 0 195 prime 8 0 1 0 258 0 220 prime 8 0 1 0 258 0 245 prime 8 0 1 23807109 1 258 0 *!EOM 249 2319Y00F05goghb23Y00C\5NThe Zoo Index 2306Y00C2NPart 1 1518Y00F04ruby15Y00C4NJude/Panda 0819Y00F05prime08Y00C6N 0801NA prototype of this article appeared in issue 2 of The Zoo, but that time it 0801Nwas a bit useless. Frankly, I thought if your gonna do something do it 0801Nproperly... so I have. When I started this task it seemed relatively simple. 0801NThe basic premise was my annoyance at other disk mags because there is no way 0801Nto find a particular, special article without loading each i ssue of the 0801Nfucking thing up and flicking through the menu screens, slowly one by one. 0801NWith The Zoo this is a real nightmare. I mean our sections that we divide 0801Nthe magazine into have never been all that obvious, have they? I`ve been 0801Nthrough old issues and discovered articles sneaked away that even I couldn't 0801Nremember them and I edit this mag! - hell, I proberly even wrote the article 0801Nint the gfirst place. 0801N 0801NThe obvious solution is to have some kind of index and... er... this is 0801Nexactly what I've done. Issues 1 to 3 of The Zoo can now be found in 0801Nbeautiful condensed format. 0801N 0801NFor each magazine I have seperated it into the original sections, with a 0801Nbrief description descriping the purpose or premise behind the section. Each 0801Nsection is numbered. Within each section we have the articles divided 0801Nindividualy into each's own little block. Each article is layed out as 0801Nfo|llows: 0801N 0801NARTICLE: #: The # symbol represents the number in that particular issue. 0801N Where this text is the title of the article is displayed 0801NAUTHOR: In this space the name of the author or the authors is 0801N displayed. 0801NDESCRIPTION: And here we have a brief, if fairly informative description of 0801N what the contents of the article are about. 0801N 0801NIn the case of authors if someone has changed theikfr handle (for example 0801NCachet had already gone from being Kult to Melee, before he even settled on 0801Nhis current choice of name) then the original name the author went under is 0801Nprinted, so as to avoid confusion by creating conflicting information. In 0801Nmost cases this is fairly straight forward, so don't worry. Please don't. 0801N 0801NIf you want to make this information even more useful then I recommened that 0801Nyou save this file to disk and then print ity out - not only essential in 0801Nhelping you to navigate The Zoo but also a damn attractive little book that 0801Nyou can amaze your friends with... 0801N 0801NHey, you know (he says in his best Jerry Springer style) it may just look 0801Nboring now, but just think of all the possibilities. 0806Y00C1N 0801N , . , . , . , . , . , . , . , . , . , . , . , . , 0801N ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 0801NZoo IR*Ossue One 0801NUnborn 0801N , . , . , . , . , . , . , . , . , . , . , . , . , 0801N ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 0801N 0801N-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- 0801NSECTION: 01: In The Beginning 0801NDESCRIPTION: General magazine articles and behind the scenes material 0801N-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- 0801N 08  wt01NARTICLE: 01: Instructions 0801NAUTHOR: Kult 0801NDESCRIPTION: How to use the magazine system 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 02: Editorial 0801NAUTHOR: Jude 0801NDESCRIPTION: Magazine introduction 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 03: Reasons For The Delay 0801NAUTHORS: Jude + Kult 0801NDESCRIPTION: Explanation on why this issue was delayed in coming out 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 04: How To Contribute 0801NAUTHORS: Jude + Kult 0801NDESCRIPTION: How and where to send in fAR contributions for The Zoo 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 05: Disclaimer 0801NAUTHOR: Jude 0801NDESCRIPTION: Magazine contents warning and explanation of editorial policy 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 06: Whats Been Happening To Us 0801NAUTHORS: Jude + Kult 0801NDESCRIPTION: Fictional stories about the writers behind The Zoo 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 07: Messages 0801NAUTHORS: Various 0801NDESCRIPTION: Fictional messages between writers of The Zoo 0801N 0801N 0801N-^-^-^-^- 2W^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- 0801NSECTION: 02: Cult TV 0801NDESCRIPTION: Articles concerning popular TV shows and associated merchandise 0801N-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 08: Cult TV? 0801NAUTHOR: Jude 0801NDESCRIPTION: Speculation on the top 100 cult TV programmes of all time 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 09: 30 Years In The Tardis Review 0801NAUTHOR: The Bar gee 0801NDESCRIPTION: Doctor Who video review 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 10: Carnival Of Monsters Review 0801NAUTHOR: The Bargee 0801NDESCRIPTION: Doctor Who video review 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 11: Doctor Who Books 0801NAUTHOR: The Bargee 0801NDESCRIPTION: Listings for `New` and `Missing` Doctor Who adventures 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 12: The Man From UNCLE Video Review 0801NAUTHOR: The Bargee 0801NDESCRIPTION: Cast listings and synopsis for The Man From UNCLE  zDvideos 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 13: Why People Hate Prisoner 0801NAUTHOR: Smiley 0801NDESCRIPTION: Reasons for the (un)popularity of Prisoner Cell Block H 0801N 0801N 0801N-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- 0801NSECTION: 03: Funny Ha Ha, Funny Ho Ho 0801NDESCRIPTION: Comedy section 0801N-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 14: My Law 0801NAUTHOR: Smiley 0J801NDESCRIPTION: A few new suggestions for Murphy's (sod's) law 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 15: The Dream Is Broken 0801NAUTHOR: Jude 0801NDESCRIPTION: Fighter pilot comedy story 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 16: Happy New Year 0801NAUTHORS: Jude + Kult 0801NDESCRIPTION: A certain individuals diary for the new year 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 17: ESKOM Interview 0801NAUTHORS: Jude + Kult 0801NDESCRIPTION: Parody Amiga interview 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 18: Cock Ups 0801NAUTHOhc0R: Jude 0801NDESCRIPTION: Bizzare and misprinted newspaper stories 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 19: Side Splitters 0801NAUTHOR: Persil 0801NDESCRIPTION: `New wave` jokes 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 20: Things I Heard On The Bus 0801NAUTHOR: Jude 0801NDESCRIPTION: Unbelievable, but true stories from the top deck of the bus 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 21: How To Be A Sky Cheat 0801NAUTHOR: Uncle Jack 0801NDESCRIPTION: Sky hacking tips 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 22: Whatsd Happening In The Soaps 0801NAUTHOR: Uncle Jack 0801NDESCRIPTION: Suggestions for what is about to happen in your favourite soap 0801N operas 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 23: Fascinating Facts From Around The Globe 0801NAUTHORS: Jude + Kult 0801NDESCRIPTION: Unbelievable, but lies from around the world 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 24: Visitor From Space? 0801NAUTHOR: Jude 0801NDESCRIPTION: Evidence that there are aliens in our myst 0801N 0801N 0801N-^-^T.-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- 0801NSECTION: 04: Slip Me A Bob Or Two 0801NDESCRIPTION: Programming section 0801N-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 25: AMOS Needs Help 0801NAUTHOR: Kult 0801NDESCRIPTION: A few AMOS hints 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 26: Basic BASIC 0801NAUTHOR: Smiley 0801NDESCRIPTION: Beginners programming 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 27: Infinate b7Pictures 0801NAUTHOR: Smiley 0801NDESCRIPTION: Theory on possibilities of computer gfx in the future 0801N 0801N 0801N-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- 0801NSECTION: 05: The Music Celler 0801NDESCRIPTION: Musical comment and opinion 0801N-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- 0801N 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 28: Censorship Of Peace 0801NAUTHOR: Jude 0801NDESCRIPTION: Listing of s6ongs banned radio-play during the Gulf conflict 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 29: Should PULP Be Banned? 0801NAUTHOR: Jude 0801NDESCRIPTION: Controversy surrounding 'Sorted For Es And Whizz' 0801N 0801N 0801N-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- 0801NSECTION: 06: Poets Corner 0801NDESCRIPTION: Poetry contributions 0801N-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 30: Ode To The Bhsutchers Shop Girl 0801NAUTHOR: Jude 0801NDESCRIPTION: Throwaway poem 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 31: He's Just Incompatable 0801NAUTHOR: Jude 0801NDESCRIPTION: Sly dig at fellow Amiga user! 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 32: Yellow Street 0801NAUTHOR: Jude 0801NDESCRIPTION: Structured if forced poem 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 33: Ms Lavender 0801NAUTHOR: Rigby + Mule 0801NDESCRIPTION: Masterpiece, breakthrough poem packed with sexual frustration 0801N 0801NARTICLOE: 34: False Teeth And Incontinance 0801NAUTHOR: Rigby + Mule 0801NDESCRIPTION: Standard Rigby & Mule fare with funky overtones 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 35: Reader, I Immured Him 0801NAUTHOR: Jude 0801NDESCRIPTION: Acid-tinged poetry 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 36: Mind Expanding 0801NAUTHOR: Jude 0801NDESCRIPTION: Response to suicide 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 37: Escapism 0801NAUTHOR: Jude 0801NDESCRIPTION: Poem about boredom and frustration 0801N 0801NA`N]RTICLE: 38: Long, Cold, Stormy Winter 0801NAUTHOR: Jude 0801NDESCRIPTION: Tribute poem 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 39: I Was In A Hammock 0801NAUTHOR: Jude 0801NDESCRIPTION: Cheap hack work poem 0801N 0801NContinued in part 2 *!EOF 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 36: Mind Expanding 0801NAUTHOR: Jude 0801NDESCRIPTION: Response to suicide 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 37: Escapism 0801NAUTHOR: Jude 0801NDESCRIPTION: Poem about boredom and frustration 0801N 0801NA 0 goghb 23 0 1 0 5 0 20 topaz 8 0 1 0 5 0 45 topaz 8 0 1 0 5 0 70 topaz 8 0 1 0 5 0 95 topaz 8 0 1 0 5 0 120 topaz 8 0 1 0 5 0 145 topaz 8 0 1 0 5 0 170 topaz 8 0 1 0 5 0 195 topaz 8 0 1 0 5 0 220 topaz 8 0 1 0 5 0 245 topaz 8 0 1 0 5 0 270 topaz 8 0 1 23610002 1 5 0 *!EOM 281 2324Y00F05goghb23Y00J1Y00C4NThe Zoo Index 2301NPart 2 1518Y00F04ruby15Y00C5NJude/Panda 0819Y00F05topaz08Y00J0N 0806Y00C3NContinued from part 1 0806Y00C1N 0801N-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- 0801NSECTION: 07: Comics 0801NDESCRIPTION: Cartoon strips in pictures 0801N-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 40: Fat Slapper And His Sonic Slacks 0801NAUTHOR: Jude 0801NZ6`DESCRIPTION: First Slaphead installment sees our hero purchase a new pair of 0801N power-packed trousers 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 41: Nelson's Column 0801NAUTHOR: Nelson 0801NDESCRIPTION: One-liner jokes in black and white pictures 0801N 0801N 0801N-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- 0801NSECTION: 08: Trivial Pursuits 0801NDESCRIPTION: Trivia, facts, questionares and the like 0801N-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^3iڮ-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 42: The Most Difficult Trivia 0801NAUTHOR: Smiley 0801NDESCRIPTION: Challenging trivia quiz 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 43: Space Quiz 0801NAUTHOR: Persil 0801NDESCRIPTION: Test your knowledge of the universe 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 44: Are You Stressed Out? 0801NAUTHOR: Howard Rigsby 0801NDESCRIPTION: Questionare to attain your physical and mental well-being 0801N 0801N 0801N-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^\U-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- 0801NSECTION: 09: The Wanderer 0801NDESCRIPTION: The strange, bizare, unknown and just plain spooky encounters 0801N are to be found within this special section 0801N-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 45: Floating Wizard Man 0801NAUTHORS: Jackson + Stanley 0801NDESCRIPTION: Amazing report from Wiltshire reveals a mysterious floatinKu.g man 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 46: Exclusive Picture Of Wizard Man 0801NAUTHORS: Jackson + Stanley 0801NDESCRIPTION: Actual pictorial evidence of the Floating Wiltshire Wizard 0801N Man's existance! 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 47: Ghostly Barman 0801NAUTHOR: Steven Pickles 0801NDESCRIPTION: True account of the author's meeting with a ghostly figure in a 0801N saloon bar 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 48: Short Sharp Shocks 0801NAUTHOR: Samual L Conan 0801NDESCRIPTION: Bizare occurances in brief 0801N 0801N 0801N-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- 0801NSECTION: 10: Technology 0801NDESCRIPTION: New advances in technology discussed 0801N-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 49: Next Generation Consoles 0801NAUTHOR: Kult 0801NDESCRIPTION: Run down on the (then) latest Japenese machines 0801N 0801NARTICLE: TJ 50: Apples Pippin 0801NAUTHOR: Kult 0801NDESCRIPTION: Pippin specifications 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 51: CD Roms 0801NAUTHOR: Howard Rigsby 0801NDESCRIPTION: Listings and brief descriptions for a wide range of Amiga CD 0801N Roms 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 52: PlayStation Specs 0801NAUTHOR: Kult 0801NDESCRIPTION: The specifications for Sony's Playstation console 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 53: Saturn Specs 0801NAUTHOR: Kult 0801NDESCRIPTION: Sp Qnecifications for the Saturn 0801N 0801N 0801N-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- 0801NSECTION: 11: And The Rest... 0801NDESCRIPTION: Articles that just didn't seem to fit in elsewhere 0801N-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 54: Lonely People 0801NAUTHOR: The Bargee 0801NDESCRIPTION: Letters from lamers who write into Amiga magazines are mocked, 0801N  [) publicly, here 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 55: Clubs And Organisations 0801NAUTHOR: The Bargee 0801NDESCRIPTION: Names, addresses and brief descriptions for clubs and other 0801N organisations that seek your membership - from Amiga to Jason 0801N King and beyond! 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 56: Who Dunnit? 0801NAUTHOR: Uncle Jack 0801NDESCRIPTION: The names of murderers in Agatha Christie's books are revealed 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 57: Topical  ֠Humour 0801NAUTHOR: Spengler 0801NDESCRIPTION: Tips on how to be a topical satireist 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 58: Colloquial Swedish Lesson 1 0801NAUTHORS: Jude + Kult 0801NDESCRIPTION: Get to grips with the fundamental basics of the popular Swedish 0801N language 0801N 0801N 0806Y00C6N , . , . , . , . , . , . , . , . , . , . , . , . , 0801N ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 0801NZo Uo Issue Two 0801NTuesday 0801N , . , . , . , . , . , . , . , . , . , . , . , . , 0801N ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 0806Y00C1N 0801N-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- 0801NSECTION: 01: The 2nd Coming 0801NDESCRIPTION: Introductory articles 0801N-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 01: Editorial  ɁT0801NAUTHOR: Jude/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: Welcome to issue two 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 02: How To Contribute 0801NAUTHORS: Melee + Jude/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: How and where to send contributions to The Zoo 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 03: Disclaimer 0801NAUTHOR: Jude/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: Contents warning and magazine policy towards them 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 04: Some Sort Of Company Policy Thing 0801NAUTHOR: Fish Boy/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: `AlternativE7e` Panda policy 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 05: Gloss Or Matte? - Photos 0801NAUTHOR: Jude/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: The place to find scanned photos of us and to send photos of 0801N you to! 0801N 0801N 0801N-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- 0801NSECTION: 02: Bamboo Shoots 0801NDESCRIPION: Behind the scenes of The Zoo 0801N-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- 0801N 0801NARSITICLE: 06: Remember? 0801NAUTHOR: Jude/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: Retrospective look at issue one of The Zoo and a hint about 0801N what's to come... 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 07: What The Critics Said 0801NAUTHOR: Jude/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: What the paper magazines said about The Zoo in their reviews, 0801N apparantly 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 08: Desert Island Disks 0801NAUTHOR: Jude + Melee/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: Jude and Melee's gqjuide to the important things in life 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 09: I Was Dreaming Of The Past 0801NAUTHOR: Jude/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: A world before The Zoo! 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 10: Messages 0801NAUTHOR: Jude/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: Joke messages and merriment between the Panda crew 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 11: You Are Already A Winner - Super Comp! 0801NAUTHORS: Melee + Jude/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: Win Prizes galore in this fabulous quiz 0801N 0801NARTICLt2E: 12: Let's Have Some Sex 0801NAUTHOR: Jude/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: Cheap, but remarkably effective ploy to encourage you to read 0801N The Zoo 0801N 0801N 0801N-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- 0801NSECTION: 03: *Plug Not Included 0801NDESCRIPTION: Computer and scene related articles 0801N-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 13: Panda News 0801NAUTHOR: Jude + Melee/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: The latest news from and about Panda 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 14: Mon PD Are Shut 0801NAUTHOR: Jude/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: The story behind the closure of everyones favourite Welsh PD 0801N house 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 15: Computers Are Shit 0801NAUTHORS: Citizen Fish + Fish Boy 0801NDESCRIPTION: A look at what the future holds in store for computer users 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 16: A Basket case 0801NAUTHOR: Jude/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: Article dealing with the self obssessed in PD 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 17: CD Rom Listing 0801NAUTHOR: Jude/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: Extensive listings and brief descriptions for Amiga CD Roms 0801N 0801N 0801N-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- 0801NSECTION: 04: Projectionists Pick 0801NDESCRIPTION: Film and Television related articles 0801N-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-,^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 18: Geeky Grade School Kids 0801NAUTHOR: Fish Boy/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: Warning about the inevitable Junior X Files series 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 19: Carry On... Star Chart 0801NAUTHOR: Jude/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: Chart to discover which Carry On... actors appeared in which of 0801N the films 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 20: Carry On... Listings I 0801NAUTHOR: Jude/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION:ל Extensive listings to the Carry On series of films, part 1 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 21: Carry On... Listings II 0801NAUTHOR: Jude/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: Extensive listings to the Carry On series of films, part 2 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 22: Carry On... Listings III 0801NAUTHOR: Jude/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: Extensive listings to the Carry On series of films, part 3 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 23: Lost In Space 0801NAUTHOR: Fish Boy/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: A look at the cult TV series of that name 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 24: Factual And Funny Film Lists 0801NAUTHOR: Persil 0801NDESCRIPTION: Lists of bizaree movie related information 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 25: Adverts That Are Misunderstood 0801NAUTHOR: Fish Boy/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: Adverts become more and more fancy, but are they liable to 0801N become misinturpritted? 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 26: That Dominik Diamond Geezer 0801NAUTHOR: Fish Boy/Panda 0k}'801NDESCRIPTION: Character assassination of Diamond 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 27: Thunderball Fighting 0801NAUTHOR: Ravalox 0801NDESCRIPTION: Foreign titles of the Bond movies revealed 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 28: Something I Would Like To Share 0801NAUTHOR: Fish Boy/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: Recommendation of The Legend Of The Four Kings series 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 29: Fist Of Fun: The Banned Sketch 0801NAUTHOR: BBC Website 0801NDESCRIPTION: The script for the(w Simon Quinlack sketch that the BBC banned! 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 30: Whats Been Happening In The Soaps II 0801NAUTHOR: Uncle Jack/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: Further revelations about the lives of your favourite soap 0801N stars 0801N 0806Y00C3NContinued in part 3 *!EOF de/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: Extensive listings to the Carry On series of films, part 3 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 23: Lost In Space 0801NAUTHOR: Fish Boy/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: A look az@ 0 goghb 23 0 1 0 5 0 20 topaz 8 0 1 0 5 0 45 topaz 8 0 1 0 5 0 70 topaz 8 0 1 0 5 0 95 topaz 8 0 1 0 5 0 120 topaz 8 0 1 0 5 0 145 topaz 8 0 1 0 5 0 170 topaz 8 0 1 0 5 0 195 topaz 8 0 1 0 5 0 220 topaz 8 0 1 0 5 0 245 topaz 8 0 1 21209703 1 5 0 *!EOM 257 2324Y00F05goghb23Y00C4Y00J1NThe Zoo Index 02301NPart 3 1518Y00F04ruby15Y00C5NJude/Panda 0819Y00F05topaz08Y00C3N 0806Y00J0NContinued from part 2 0806Y00C1N 0801N-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- 0801NSECTION: 05: Music Celler 0801NDESCRIPTION: Musical comment and analysis 0801N-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 31: V96 Warrington Report Part I 0801NAUTHOR: Jude/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: Report from V96ui Warington/Chelmsford music festival. Part 1 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 32: V96 Warrington Report Part II 0801NAUTHOR: Jude/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: Report from V96 Warington/Chelmsford music festival. Part 2 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 33: V96 Warrington Report Part III 0801NAUTHOR: Jude/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: Report from V96 Warington/Chelmsford music festival. Part 3 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 34: Middle Aged Bands 0801NAUTHOR: Fish Boy/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: Spe[!culation on the eventual fate of famous songsmiths 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 35: Fish Boy's Musical Analysis 0801NAUTHOR: Fish Boy/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: Heavy metal, indie, grunge, punk and Oasis reviewed by Fish Boy 0801N 0801N 0801N-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- 0801NSECTION: 06: Music Celler 2 0801NDESCRIPTION: Musical comment and analysis 0801N-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-}|^- 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 36: Harrison: Stay Away From Those Nightclubs & Meditate 0801NAUTHOR: Typed By Jude 0801NDESCRIPTION: Late sixties George Harrison interview 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 37: An Interesting Theory On Remixing 0801NAUTHOR: Fish Boy/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: Remixing the 2001 soundtrack and ranting on madly 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 38: Lennon Remembers I 0801NAUTHORS: Wenner/Lennon 0801NDESCRIPTION: Large extract from legendary John Lennon inteGrview of 1970 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 39: Lennon Remembers II 0801NAUTHORS: Wenner/Lennon 0801NDESCRIPTION: Large extract from legendary John Lennon interview of 1970 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 40: Lennon Remembers III 0801NAUTHORS: Wenner/Lennon 0801NDESCRIPTION: Large extract from legendary John Lennon interview of 1970 0801N 0801N 0801N-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- 0801NSECTION: 07: Japes! 0801NDESCRIPTION: IrreveOrent humourosities 0801N-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 41: Sony Playstation: The Truth 0801NAUTHOR: Fish Boy/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: Account of fun day out in Electronics Boutique chain franchise 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 42: The Jiffy Bag: A Home Companion 0801NAUTHOR: Jude/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: A few outlandish suggestions for other practical uses of the 0801N jiffy bag 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 43: Out Of This Arse 0801NAUTHOR: Fish Boy/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: Spoof of Carol Vorderman vehicle 'Out Of This World' 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 44: Forthcoming Events 0801NAUTHOR: Jude/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: Fictional events on the Zoo calender 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 45: The Poor Laws 0801NAUTHOR: Jude/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: New bizarre laws 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 46: Rituals For Virgins On The Hob 0801NAUTHORS: Melee + Jude/Panda 0801ND sDESCRIPTION: Cookery spot: Feast your eyes on our tasty recipies 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 47: American History 0801NAUTHOR: Fish Boy/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: Anti-Americanistic propaganda 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 48: Spell Checkers Are Carp 0801NAUTHOR: Fish Boy/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: Mocking of the limitation of the computer spell checker 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 49: More Mistakes 0801NAUTHOR: Jude/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: Funny errors and amazing events in the B ritish press 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 50: Offers You Can't Refuse 0801NAUTHOR: Uncle Jack/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: Items for sale 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 51: Chess 0801NAUTHORS: Melee + Jude/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: Lampoon of play-by-mail games 0801N 0801N 0801N-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- 0801NSECTION: 08: Comedy Fiction 0801NDESCRIPTION: Stories of a comic nature 0801N-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- LV^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 52: Adrian's Expectations 0801NAUTHORS: Melee + Jude/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: The taunting, the misfortunes and the misery of a school boy 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 53: The Interview 0801NAUTHOR: Jude/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: Crusty little guy's job hunting adventure 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 54: The Dead As A Dodo Affair 0801NAUTHOR: Jude/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: Play containing gansta violence 0801N 0801NART LϓICLE: 55: I Want To Be A Law Enforcer Part I 0801NAUTHORS: Melee + Jude/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: The life story of Jimmy Gregory Feathersby - The school years 0801N Part 1 of 5 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 56: I Want To Be A Law Enforcer Part II 0801NAUTHORS: Melee + Jude/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: The life story of Jimmy Gregory Feathersby - The school years 0801N Part 2 of 5 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 57: I Want To Be A Law Enforcer Part III 0801NAUT THORS: Melee + Jude/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: The life story of Jimmy Gregory Feathersby - The school years 0801N Part 3 of 5 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 58: I Want To Be A Law Enforcer Part IV 0801NAUTHORS: Melee + Jude/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: The life story of Jimmy Gregory Feathersby - The school years 0801N Part 4 of 5 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 59: I Want To Be A Law Enforcer Part V 0801NAUTHORS: Melee + Jude/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: The lifwe story of Jimmy Gregory Feathersby - The school years 0801N Part 5 of 5 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 60: Space Pirates Part I 0801NAUTHORS: Fish Boy + Mr Toon 0801NDESCRIPTION: Space adventure saga 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 61: Space Pirates Part II 0801NAUTHORS: Fish Boy + Mr Toon 0801NDESCRIPTION: Second part of this comedy sci-fi story 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 62: Shit My Sandwich Was Massive 0801NAUTHORS: Melee + Jude/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: Surrealist+ic epic with plenty of sexual connotations and spooky 0801N things 0801N 0801N 0801N-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- 0801NSECTION: 09: Comical Strips 0801NDESCRIPTION: Iff picture comic strips 0801N-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 63: Fat Slaphead In Shop Till He "Drops" 0801NAUTHOR: Jude/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: The second installment in our S&'Fat' series sees him admitted to 0801N the hospital after a massive obesity crisis 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 64: Penguins 0801NAUTHOR: Andrew Hargreaves 0801NDESCRIPTION: Preview of brand new comic strip coming to The Zoo in issue 3 0801N 0801N 0801N-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- 0801NSECTION: 09: Fiction 0801NDESCRIPTION: Series fictional stories 0801N-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-ƪ&^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 65: Make-Up 0801NAUTHOR: Jude/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: Trip inside the mind of a famous sex-symbol 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 66: I Can't Remember WHEN 0801NAUTHOR: Jude/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: Dreamy / unsubtle / nothingness 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 67: The Adventure Of The Empty House Part I 0801NAUTHOR: Arthur Conan Doyle 0801NDESCRIPTION: Sherlock Holmes adventure. Part 1 of 5 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 68: The Adventur?-e Of The Empty House Part II 0801NAUTHOR: Arthur Conan Doyle 0801NDESCRIPTION: Sherlock Holmes adventure. Part 2 of 5 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 69: The Adventure Of The Empty House Part III 0801NAUTHOR: Arthur Conan Doyle 0801NDESCRIPTION: Sherlock Holmes adventure. Part 3 of 5 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 70: The Adventure Of The Empty House Part IV 0801NAUTHOR: Arthur Conan Doyle 0801NDESCRIPTION: Sherlock Holmes adventure. Part 4 of 5 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 71: The Adventure Of The Empty House Part V 0801NAUTHOR: Arthur Conan Doyle 0801NDESCRIPTION: Sherlock Holmes adventure. Part 5 of 5 0801N 0801N 0801N-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- 0801NSECTION: 10: Poets Cornered 0801NDESCRIPTION: Poetry, prose and verse 0801N-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 72: Back Seat Of The Number 29 0801NAUTHOR: Jude/Panda r 0801NDESCRIPTION: Poem 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 73: In Her Bedroom 0801NAUTHOR: Jude/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: Poem 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 74: Friendly Neighbours 0801NAUTHOR: Jude/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: Poem 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 75: Up The Geriatric Nancy-Boys 0801NAUTHORS: Rigby And Mule 0801NDESCRIPTION: Another classic verse from Rigby and Mule 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 76: Me, Paul, The Park And 'Er 0801NAUTHOR: Uncle Jack/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION:  Attempt at humourous poetry 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 77: Take It Off 0801NAUTHOR: Jude/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: Poem 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 78: Mr Taylor's Maths Class 0801NAUTHORS: Rigby And Mule 0801NDESCRIPTION: Poem about gay sex between the authors and their maths lecturer 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 79: I'm Inadequate 0801NAUTHORS: Various 0801NDESCRIPTION: A friend's life in poetry form 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 80: Mothercare 0801NAUTHOR: Snowman 0801NDEF$fSCRIPTION: Flying poem 0801N 0806Y00C3NContinued in part 4 *!EOF 01NAUTHOR: Jude/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: Poem 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 78: Mr Taylor's Maths Class 0801NAUTHORS: Rigby And Mule 0801NDESCRIPTION: Poem about gay sex between the authors and their maths lecturer 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 79: I'm Inadequate 0801NAUTHORS: Various 0801NDESCRIPTION: A friend's life in poetry form 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 80: Mothercare 0801NAUTHOR: Snowman 0801NDE+ 0 goghb 23 0 1 41200904 1 5 0 19 topaz 8 0 1 0 5 0 44 topaz 8 0 1 0 5 0 69 topaz 8 0 1 0 5 0 94 topaz 8 0 1 0 5 0 119 topaz 8 0 1 0 5 0 144 topaz 8 0 1 0 5 0 169 topaz 8 0 1 0 5 0 194 topaz 8 0 1 0 5 0 219 topaz 8 0 1 0 5 0 244 topaz 8 0 1 0 5 0 *!EOM 262 2329Y00F05goghb23Y00J1Y00C5Y00C4NThe Zoo Iń]qdex 2301NPart 4 1518Y00F04ruby15Y00C5NJude/Panda 1506Y00J0N 0819Y00F05topaz08Y00C3NContinued from part 3 0806Y00C1N 0801N-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- 0801NSECTION: 11: World 'O' Strange 0801NDESCRIPTION: The bizaree world of the real and the unreal... 0801N-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 81: John - An Expose 0801NAUTHOR: Charlton/Tesko 0801NDESCRIPTu6ION: Detailed account of a college friend 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 82: Conversations I Have Had 0801NAUTHORS: Fish Boy + Citizen Fish 0801NDESCRIPTION: Some odd conversation retold 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 83: Oral Nightclubbers And Anti-Heroes 0801NAUTHOR: Jude/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: Damned if I know what this about 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 84: Breadman 0801NAUTHORS: Fish Boy + Citizen Fish 0801NDESCRIPTION: The amazing man and the incident with his bread - Alϥ)l true! 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 85: Pip's Lighter Side Of Life 0801NAUTHOR: Pip E. 0801NDESCRIPTION: The Zoo allows mental patients to write for it 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 86: Unquestionably Sad 0801NAUTHOR: Fish Boy/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: Fishboy's first attack on Star Trek fans 0801N 0801N 0801N-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- 0801NSECTION: 12: The Wanderer 0801NDESCRIPTION: The odd, the unexplained and the damn wۆ3seird shit things about 0801N-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 87: Man Buried Alive Part I 0801NAUTHOR: Hank Christler 0801NDESCRIPTION: True story of a man buried several feet underground after being 0801N the victim of an alien abduction. Retold in staggering, 0801N graphic detail. Part 1 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 88: Man Buried Alive Part II 0801NAUTHOR: Hank Christler 0801NDESCRIPTION: True story of a man buried several feet underground after being 0801N the victim of an alien abduction. Retold in staggering, 0801N graphic detail. Part 2 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 89: Short Sharp Shocks 0801NAUTHOR: Samual L. Conan 0801NDESCRIPTION: Popular feature detailing unexplained happenings from around 0801N the world 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 90: The Need For Floating Wizards 0801NAUTHOR: Wilson Crested-G vreebe 0801NDESCRIPTION: Crested-Greebe tries to justify the actions of the Wiltshire 0801N Wizard man that have so tormented many innocent public citizens 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 91: Police Capture Wizard Man 0801NAUTHOR: Chet The Tea Boy 0801NDESCRIPTION: Suggestion that the Wizard Man may finally have been brought to 0801N bay 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 92: Floater Sighted - Pics 0801NAUTHOR: Edited By Harold Shinvein 0801NDESCRIPTION: You#Z r photographic evidence of the Wiltshire Wizard Man are 0801N revealed here 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 93: Wanderer Offer 0801NAUTHOR: R. Evans Specialist Magazines Vendors 0801NDESCRIPTION: A dubious offer to all readers 0801N 0801N 0801N-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- 0801NSECTION: 13: The Remaining Few 0801NDESCRIPTION: Misc shit 0801N-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- ebh^- 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 94: I Am The Vegetable-Man 0801NAUTHOR: Melee/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: Why you should be a vegeratian 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 95: The Zoo Index 0801NAUTHOR: Jude/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: Early version of this beast of an article 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 96: Completely TRUE 0801NAUTHOR: Fish Boy/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: Things inl life that Fishboy cannot figure out 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 97: Pub Trivia Quiz 0801NAUTHOR: Persil 08 ?s01NDESCRIPTION: Sections of questions in various categoraries for you to try 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 98: Pissed? No 0801NAUTHOR: Jude/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: Article under the influence of alcohol and it shows 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 99: American Football 0801NAUTHOR: Fish Boy/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: Negative article on the sport 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 100: The Destruction Of Pompeii 0801NAUTHOR: Persil 0801NDESCRIPTION: At last the full account of how Pompei ?i was destroyed from 0801N someone who was really there 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 101: Know Your Animals 0801NAUTHOR: Jude/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: The vital things YOU should know about animals 0801N 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 102: It's Goodnight From Him 0801NAUTHOR: Melee/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: Melee signs off... 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 103: And It's Goodnight From Me 0801NAUTHOR: Jude/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: ...and Jude signs off and out 0801N 080 נb6Y00C6N 0801N , . , . , . , . , . , . , . , . , . , . , . , . , 0801N ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 0801NZoo Issue Three 0801NSodden 0801N , . , . , . , . , . , . , . , . , . , . , . , . , 0801N ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 0806Y00C1N 0801N-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- 0801NSECTION:  ظ@ 01: Take It Away... 0801NDESCRIPTION: Introductory articles 0801N-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 01: Editorial 0801NAUTHOR: Jude/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: The story behind issue 3 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 02: Contributing To The Zoo 0801NAUTHORS: Melee & Jude 0801NDESCRIPTION: How you can do your bit towards the magazine 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 03: How To Advertise In The Zoo 0801NAUTHOR: JudeY~/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: How you can place adverts in The Zoo 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 04: Disclaimer 0801NAUTHOR: Jude/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: Just in case anything naughty got in... 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 05: Become A Panda Member 0801NAUTHORS: Melee & Jude 0801NDESCRIPTION: Join the Panda gang 0801N 0801N 0801N-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- 0801NSECTION: 02: Bamboo Shoots 0801NDESCRIPTION: Nuggets from the worlxd of Panda 0801N-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 06: Baptizing Issue 3 0801NAUTHORS: Melee & Jude 0801NDESCRIPTION: How did we come up with that name, Sodden? 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 07: What's Been Happening To Us? 0801NAUTHOR: Jude/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: A few of the things that happened to the Panda team in the run 0801N up to this issue 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 08: Proof Reading? 08ۊ.C01NAUTHOR: Jude/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: Why the spelling and grammer in The Zoo is so terrible 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 09: Match The Quotes Game 0801NAUTHOR: Jude/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: Test your skill on how well you know The Zoo writers styles 0801N 0801N 0801N-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- 0801NSECTION: 03: Token Computer Section 0801NDESCRIPTION: Computer related material 0801N-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 10: Panda News 0801NAUTHORS: Melee & Jude 0801NDESCRIPTION: News, gossip and release info on Panda's activities 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 11: Kill CU Amiga 0801NAUTHOR: FishBoy/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: Proposed plan against CU Amiga to finish them off good and 0801N proper 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 12: 12a Reasons Why The Zoo Is Superior To Amiga Format 0801NAUTHOR: MoonDog 0801NDESCRpWIPTION: A list of firm reasoning prooving The Zoo is the ultimate read 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 13: An Irreverant Sideways Glance At The Shop Shelves 0801NAUTHOR: FishBoy/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: Reviews of Amiga games 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 14: Things That Frighten 0801NAUTHOR: FishBoy/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: The phobea of PC CDs 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 15: Why I'm Leaving The Scene 0801NAUTHOR: Persil 0801NDESCRIPTION: He's sold up and gone you know 0801N މ&0801NARTICLE: 16: daeD sI agimA ehT 0801NAUTHOR: FishBoy/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: The rubbish that Amiga Format write exposed 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 17: Review Of Octamed Soundstudio 0801NAUTHOR: FishBoy/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: Deserved put-down for this beast of a program 0801N 0801N 0801N-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- 0801NSECTION: 04: I Like To Watch 0801NDESCRIPTION: Television stuff 0801N-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-Pb^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 18: Cyber Cafe 0801NAUTHOR: Jude/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: The early morning TV show discussed 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 19: Star Trek Is Shit: Here Is The Proof 0801NAUTHOR: FishBoy/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: Provocative dissection of the programme 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 20: BBC Entertainment - Comedy Writing 0801NAUTHORS: BBC Web Site 0801NDESCRIPTION: How to make your own Oh Doctor IpBeeching! 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 21: Kids TV - A Sinister Plot 0801NAUTHOR: Jude/Panda 0801NDESCRIPTION: Just how sick is the ITV cartoon Slim Pig? 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 22: Projectionist's Pick 0801NAUTHORS: Various 0801NDESCRIPTION: No nonsense movie guide 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 23: Richard Whiteley: Witness The Man 0801NAUTHORS: Fans Of Richard Whiteley 0801NDESCRIPTION: Countdown clever man, Whiteley celebrated 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 24 Carol Vorderman:8 Part Of A Great Team 0801NAUTHORS: Fans Of Richard Whiteley 0801NDESCRIPTION: Just what is the true purpose of this woman? 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 25: What's Been Happening In The Soaps III 0801NAUTHORS: Uncle Jack & Jude 0801NDESCRIPTION: A Brookside special in the regualr series 0801N 0801N 0806Y00C3NOkay, that's all I can be bothered typing for now, but I'll try and finish 0801Nthis one for you next issue. *!EOF ted 0801N 0801NARTICLE: 24 Carol Vorderman:|n 0 roman 16 0 1 0 784 0 18 microknight 8 0 1 0 784 0 *!EOM 43 1624Y00F05roman16Y00J1Y00C6NHOW TO ADVERTISE IN THE ZOO 1423Y00F09citylight14Y00C2NJude 1218Y00F04ruby12Y00C5N 1201NYou want free publicity? 1201N 1206Y00C4NYou want to be in with the `in` crowd? 1201N 1206Y00C5NYou want get your name on the swappers' lists? 1201N 1206Y00C4NYou want to advertise in the Zoo then, brother? 1206Y00C1N 0825Y00F11microknight08Y00J0N 0801NYes you c G:an advertise in the Zoo! Yes it is legal and yes it is free! But 0801Nthere are a few tiny terms and conditions and if you follow them it'll all be 0801Nsweet: 0801N 0811Y00C2Y03C1N1> Swappers and small fry only. No global Megacorps, like those bastards at 0801N Sony who beg with us night and day for a place in our magazine. Well they 0801N can go and FUCK OFF and exploit someone else. If you've gotta fabbo cool 0801N group, though who want publicity then we're avalwible to you allowing you 0801N to populate our sparse disk space with ads galore. 0801N 0811Y00C2Y03C1N2> Yeah PD companies can adverise - I guess but, and this is merely a 0816Y51C5Y62C1Y65C6N point about good taste! - No PD companies called Raisan PD or Bobs PD 0806Y09C1N Shack thank you. Only PD houses with quality names should send in a 0801N glorious ad. Oh sod it, if your called MacHaggis PD you can still have an 0801N advert, what the hell, I mean swacpper ads and group ads are what we want, 0801N but in reality we'll probably just bung anything in. 0801N 0811Y00C2Y02C1N3> We reserve the right to withdraw ads without notification. 0801N 0806Y65C7NYou can send picture ads in upto 32 colours lowres, you know the SCORE. 0806Y72C1N 0801NText ads are 80 columns across (the same as articles) and if you wish them to 0801Nfit the screen height for one page (which would be nice for us), the adverts 0801Nlength should be no more $athan 24 rows down, allowing a taseful 8 point font 0801Nto be used so you can give us pretty ansi ads. 0801N 0811Y00C6Y05C5NNote: If your going to send an advert we would appreciate at least one 0801N article as well, if it's possible. It's only polite. If you can't 0801N manage an article, well it's the thought that counts, but we are doing 0801N you a favour by accepting your advetisements for nowt. Thanks. *!EOF the adverts 0801Nlength should be no more @ߺ 0 prime 24 0 1 0 801 0 19 microknight 8 0 1 0 561 0 44 microknight 8 0 1 0 291 0 66 microknight 8 0 1 0 801 0 91 microknight 8 0 1 0 561 0 115 microknight 8 0 1 19807410 1 291 0 *!EOM 121 2426Y00F07futurax24Y00J1Y00C2NMR KEVINS SATELLITE TV PROMOTION 3219Y00F05basic32Y00C5Nby Mr Kevin of Panda 0825Y00F11microknight08Y00J0N 0806Y00C1NBeing part of the Zoo team is a very demanding] and satisfying job. But 0801Nmaking the tea, checking Melees life support machine and running to the shops 0801Nfor a packet of Jammy Dodgers is all very well but I don't want to stop here 0801Nall my life, so I've launched my own satellite TY company with my partner 0801NUncle Jack. 0801N 0801NAt last it's here! After years of complaining about the standard of TV 0801Nprogrammes - four (sorry five) channels of soap operas, game shows, black- 0806Y41C5Nand-white films, repdbeats of Dad's Army - MR KEVIN SATELLITE TELEVISION IS 0806Y31C1NHERE TO USHER A BRAND NEW ERA. Now you can have two hundred and twenty five 0801Ntrillion channels of soap operas, game shows, black-and-white films and 0801Nespecially repeats of Dad's Army. 0801N 0924Y00F05prime09Y00J1Y00C6NEASY SATELLITE INSTALLATION WITH UNCLE JACK 0830Y00F11microknight08Y00J0Y00C1NPiece of piss, this satellite business. Just remove the roof of your house 0801Nsend it to our Singapore branc:h of ZOO where in twelve months we'll send the 0801Nroof back fitted with a UNCLE JACK state of the art satellite dish. 0801N 0811Y00C4Y06C1NNOTE: To disclaim all the rumours put out by my rivals (MELEE CABLE, FISHBOY 0801N ETHER TELEVISION). There is absolutely no truth in the rumour that 0801N UNCLE JACK dishes are simply Singapore woks with 'Satellite TV dish, 0801N honest' crayoned on them. 0801N 0801NOnce you have received your dish rotate your roof of y&our house until the 0801Ndish lines up with the MR KEVIN ONE satellite. Infact the Mr Kevin satellite 0801Nis MR KEVIN, as on the 1st of November 1997 he's being launched into the sky 0801Nin a rocket and then put in orbit over Europe. When he asked for time off 0801Nfor this venture, the Zoo team threw a party and offered to sponsor him if he 0801Ntattoed "ZOO IT'S YOU" on his face. In a few months the whole population of 0801NEurope will see MR KEVIN's face whenever they l=Took into the sky and ZOO will 0801Nbe a household name. The way the satellite works is broadcasts world-wide 0801Nare bounced off MR KEVINS reinforced face and into peoples homes equipped 0801Nwith UNCLE JACKS Satellite's. 0801N 0801NPlug the dish into the receiver, and connect the receiver to the mains, the 0801NTV, your video recorder, the central heating, the gas supply and your Amiga. 0801NOnce you have done this and paid the hugely expensive monthly satellite fees 0801N[you can now receive KEVVISION, beamed at you from the stars! Remember not to 0801Nblock your chimney, as the signals must wriggle down it. 0801N 0801NPlace your order now and receive a limited edition "We like Malcoms, we like 0801Nchips" T-shirts printed in low quality grey-scale. Not only that but due to 0801Nthe low demand for UNCLE JACK MINTS, we'll throw in a free packets of UNCLE 0801NJACK MINTS. 0801N 0924Y00F05prime09Y00J1Y00C6NBLATANT ADVERTISING INTERRUPTIONFROM UNCLE JACK 0830Y00F11microknight08Y00J0Y00C1NRemember UNCLE JACKS MINTS are available from every good retailer and every 0801Nbad one as well. UNCLE JACK mints are available in three flavours; Bagpuss 0801Nflavour, Roast Moomin, Powered toast flavour and mouldy cheese flavour. 0801NUNCLE JACK mints are unique mints which gives you that bitter after taste 0801Neffect for 24 hours. The only mint that makes you look like you like you've 0801Njust eaten coal. 0801N 0811Y00C4Y08C Q1NWARNING: UNGLE JACKS MINT Limited do not take any responsibly for the loss of 0801Nteeth, hair or friends so be warned. 0801N 0924Y00F05prime09Y00J1Y00C6NHOW TO ORDER 0830Y00F11microknight08Y00J0Y00C1NTo order your very own MR KEVIN SATALIGHT DISH just ring this number: 0801N 2426Y00F07futurax24Y00J1Y00C2NMR KEVIN-5555 0820Y00F11microknight08N 0811Y00J0Y00C1NRinging this number will put you in contact with our ultra efficient 0801Ntelephone operator, but shes on holiday so  PIP is our new telephone sales 0801Nrepresentative. Here's a typical example of a conversation with our 0801Ncustomers, featuring PIP. 0801N 0811Y00C3Y10C1NCUSTOMER: Hello, is that MR KEVIN SATALIGHT TV 0811Y00C5Y10C1NPIP: WHAT DO YOU WANT! 0811Y00C3Y10C1NCUSTOMER: I would like to order a Satellite dish, please. 0811Y00C5Y10C1NPIP: WHAT! 0811Y00C3Y10C1NCUSTOMER: I said I would like to order a Satellite dish, please. 0811Y00C5Y10C1NPIP: WHY! TELL ME! 0811Y00 [6=